Page 4 of Nanny for the Damaged Ex-SEAL

"You know I can give you something if you need. I could help you financially. If you’d let me."

I shake my head. "You know I can’t accept that. I've got some money in savings, though."

"So what happens when your savings run out?" she asks with a burning look on her face.

Good question, Bria. What happens after that? I don't know. I don't know.

Chapter 2

Connor

"Daddy,canIgoplay outside?" Ethan, my four-year-old son, asks from his position in front of the TV, the SpongeBob theme song booming from the set.

I look up from my computer and narrow my eyes at him. "Done watching TV?"

He nods his head energetically. "Uh-huh. I've seen this one before."

I look at the TV screen and cock my head at him. "They've not even started. It's just the theme song."

He giggles and I give him a nod to go outside, but not to go further than the front yard.

"I won't," he answers and hops off the chair to hurry outside, as if he’s trying to get out before I change my mind.

"Stop running, you'll hurt yourself," I call after him, and he slows down.

I stand up from my chair to stretch my legs then I stroll to one of the windows facing the front yard. Ethan has a kite in his hands and a little boy about his age is with him, staring at it.

"Did you make it?" Ethan asks the other boy.

The little boy nods.

Ethan releases the kite from his hands and holds it by the string, then runs around, but it doesn't lift off the ground.

"It's not flying like an airplane," he comments as he reels the kite back in.

"It flew yesterday. Let me fly it," the other boy offers, taking the kite from Ethan.

"My daddy can fly a plane," Ethan states.

The other boy's eyes widen and Ethan nods with pride.

That’s false, I can't fly a plane, but I've jumped out of planes and helicopters numerous times. I’m a SEAL in the Navy and I've spent a whole lot of my time in boats and helicopters. Well, I was a Navy SEAL. It's still so surreal that after twenty years of service, I'm finally retired. I remember the day I started like it was yesterday. But like they say, everything that has a start must have an end. I've been retired for a month now and moved to Long Beach from San Marino two weeks ago after considering my cousin, Amy’s, advice.

"You have a house here in Long Beach. I see no reason for you to stay in San Marino. You can easily move, and you can get Ethan enrolled in school out here. There are a lot of good schools here," Amy had said to me a month ago when I told her that San Marino was becoming hard for me to live in.

It wasn't always like that. San Marino used to be one of my favorite places on earth. It wasn't the first city I lived in as a SEAL, but it was the one I lived in with my wife, Cassy. My late wife. It was the place we’d planned to build our life. A nice city, a perfect place to start a family. And though I had a house here in Long Beach, I never thought of moving here. But Cassy died a year ago after a long illness, and after I retired, with nothing to keep me back in San Marino, I took Amy's advice and came to Long Beach. San Marino had become unbearable for me. All the shops we’d ever been in reminded me of Cassy. Our favorite places, the coffee shop, the ice-cream parlor, the skating rink, even the salon where Cassy had her nails and hair done. Not to mention living in the same home we’d lived in together. I knew it'd be hard to heal in San Marino. I'm not sure I'd ever be able to heal if I remained there. The move down here has helped calm my heart a little. Just a little. The coffee shops here don’t make my stomach numb. And though Cassey and I had visited here together a couple of times, the city didn't make me want to curl up and not leave my room for days, a luxury I can't afford because I have a child to take care of.

Ethan's laughter pulls my attention back from beyond the living room.

"It's flying! It's flying!" he laughs as he runs behind the other boy who has the kite string in his hands, steering it in the feeble wind.

I watch them from behind the window. It’s comforting that Ethan has found happiness here and is settling in nicely. I can't say the same for myself.

My heart isn't constantly knotting at the sight of the city, but it’s still irreparably broken.

"Oh Ethan, look how big you are. The last time I saw you, you were this big,” Amy says, spreading her hands as we make our way into her house.

I shake my head. "The last time you saw him was two days ago, Amy."

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