Page 18 of Nanny for the Damaged Ex-SEAL

When we get to the emergency room, he's rushed in and I tell them what happened. I'm told to wait while they work on him. I pace the corridors and go outside countless times to take in long gulps of fresh air as I wait for news on how he's doing. When he was taken in, he wasn’t fully conscious, and I hope he's doing better now. If anything happens to him, I won't be able to forgive myself. I don't think Cassy will be able to forgive me. I have just one job, just one fucking job, and that’s to protect him and I failed. I left him with someone I shouldn't have left him with.

I palm my forehead as I pace. After what feels like hours, the doctor comes out with a grim look on his face.

I lose it. I lose it completely.

"What the fuck is going on? Where's my son?" I scream, running toward the door I saw him wheeled into.

The doctor steps to block my path. "We did our best. Calm down. He had some bleeding from a laceration from the bottle cap. He's stable."

Stable.

Stable.

The word washes over me like cool water on a hot summer afternoon. I take a seat beside Marie and look up to the doctor.

"Can I see him now?"

"Yes, but he's asleep. Don’t try to wake him."

I nod and follow him through a door that opens to a hallway. He's in a room three doors down. He has monitors all around him, an IV in his tiny hand, and an oxygen mask on his face. My heart breaks at the sight of it but I choke down my emotions. I crouch above him and run my fingers through his soft, curly hair. He's so small on the bed. So freaking small, and now a tear drops from my right eye.

"I'll leave you now," the doctor announces in a low tone.

I don't look at him but nod. I look at Ethan's mouth parted, his breath creating condensation inside the tiny mask. When my legs are becoming weak, I thud into a chair to the side of the bed. If things had been worse than they are now, what would I have told people? That I was out drinking when my child died? Where would I find the will or the strength to move on? As if losing Cassy isn't enough. I get off the chair and creak the door open to go make a call.

As I step out into the hall, I dial Amy's number.

"Oh my God!" she exclaims after I tell her what happened. "Charles and I are on our way."

I put my phone back in my pocket and take a seat next to Marie, who's sitting with her hands in her lap.

I take a deep breath. "How did it happen?"

"I was on the phone and I left the room. When I came back, I saw him choking."

"You were on the phone?" I ask without turning. She’s nodding, I can see her from the side of my eye.

"Had he had his bath then?"

"No, we were about to go to the bathroom."

"At a few minutes past 9 p.m.?"

She nods again.

"Why so late? He was supposed to have his bath earlier and be in bed by eight.”

"I was on the phone."

I turn toward her this time. "You were on the phone?" I'm about to lose it when Charles and Amy come in.

They rush toward me. "Where is he?"

"Is he okay?" Charles asks.

I nod. "He's sleeping."

I take them to the room so they can see him. Amy starts to cry and Charles pats me on the back. We sit around him, watching him sleep for a few minutes, then leave the room. We stand in the hall outside his room as I fill them in on what happened. Then I persuade them to leave, to go get some sleep. I assure them Ethan will be fine. They promise to come again in the morning.

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