Page 44 of No Mistake

“I don’t know why you think you’re not beautiful. You are hot as hell. You have no idea what you do to me.”

She looked away, embarrassment on her face. Jesus, had no one ever told her she was beautiful? Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, he let go of her chin.

“So, what changed? Why the sudden interest now?” she asked quietly.

“I’m not sure when I started to feel like I wanted more. I signed up at eighteen. Every minute of every day is scheduled, very little time for anything else. Suddenly, we’re not gone for months on end, I can have some kind of life. That’s new for me. And fuck, maybe I’m just getting older and am finally ready for something more. Something serious. When I thought about that, the only person I wanted to be serious with was you.”

Well, he’d laid it out for her. Hopefully it was enough for her to see just how serious he was. They were both quiet for a while. He wouldn’t push her to talk. She would do it when ready. He squeezed her gently, content to just be here with her.

“I’ve always been self-conscious about my looks, my body.”

Her eyes were closed, her head still on his chest. Ryan didn’t say anything, giving her the chance to continue.

“Chloe was always the tall, slim, perfect one. Always so relaxed around boys from a very early age. I was awkward, focused on studying, then Chloe or med school. I never had boys lining up to date me like she did.”

“I can’t believe that. Perhaps you were just too busy supporting your sister after your parents died and studying that you didn’t notice.” He’d been a young kid once, and he knew damn well, boys would have been into her.

“Well, anyway, it doesn’t matter. Like you, I was focused on my career. I tried to ‘hook up’ as you put it, but it’s not for me. I can’t do casual like some people can. I need more.”

He kissed her hair, but said nothing. Damn, he would give her anything she wanted if she’d let him.

“I’ve dated a few times, but it never worked out. I meant it when I said my crazy schedule makes things difficult.”

He knew all about crazy schedules. His was just as bad, if not worse. But the guys she’d dated must have been blind to walk away from her. Crazy schedule or not, if you’re lucky enough to get a woman like Sophie, you make it work, no matter what.

“Then I met Mark Springer.”

She sighed as if preparing herself to tell him something bad and he tensed.

“He was Navy. We met at McGarry’s, hit it off. He was funny, good looking, kind. I loved him. Or thought I did.”

Hearing her say that about another man hit him like a kick in the gut. Jealousy seared through him, not a feeling he was familiar with. And he didn’t like it.

“It was difficult, with my shifts, his deployments, but I thought things were working, and we moved in together. At first it was great. Mark was attentive, considerate, loving. When he got deployed, I was so busy at the hospital, it didn’t seem so bad.” She stopped; her body stiffened against him.

“What happened?” he asked quietly.

“He started to change.”

“Change how?”

“He was... mean... hurtful.”

“Hurtful how? Did he hit you?” Ryan’s whole body went rigid, anger flooding him. If that bastard had hit her, he would track him down and beat the shit out of him.

“No. He didn’t hurt me physically. But mentally...” She trailed off.

Ah, shit, the fucking asshole.

“Suddenly, nothing I did was good enough. He would contradict everything I said, making me feel stupid. He criticized me, my clothes, my body, when we were having...” She stopped short and Ryan fumed silently. It was starting to make sense now. Her lack of confidence, not feeling good enough, not wanting to date Navy men. How the hell could a man do that to a woman? Fuck, he wanted to find this “Mark” and show him exactly what he thought about how he’d treated her.

“When he was away, if I didn’t answer when he called, he’d be furious. Accusing me of putting my work before him all the time. He would continually tell me I should be grateful to have a boyfriend like him. I believed him for a long time. Like I said, I’d always been self-conscious, and he was just confirming it. I believed I didn't deserve anything better, that I wasn't good enough. I let him control me. I was so stupid.”

“You weren't stupid, Sophie. This was all him. He abused your insecurities.”

“And I let him. I’m a doctor. I’ve treated abused women, and I swore I would never let that happen to me. Yet I did. He never hit me, not once. I didn’t see it as abuse. Me, a doctor, didn’t see it.”

“Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, sometimes worse, because it’s not visible. He’s Navy. If he’d laid a finger on you, it would cost him his career, he knew that.”

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