Page 36 of No Regrets

“Sounds good. Can I ask what this is about?”

“I’ll tell you in half an hour.” Sam ended the call.

Dex stared at the phone, a little in awe and a little in shock that the Sam Harrison had called him. Sam’s name was infamous. His reputation of leading teams into the most high-profile, high-risk ops, was talked about to this day. It was rumored that he was part of the team that captured Bin Laden. Dex had nothing but respect for him and now he was going to get to meet him. And didn’t that just lift his spirits.

“WOW, YOU HAD A BUSY couple of days!” Claire eyes widened in surprise.

Kelly bit her lip. Ever since sending the email she’d been second guessing herself. Claire wasn’t supposed to be here until the end of the week, but Kelly couldn’t wait, needing someone to talk to. She had no idea how Claire managed to squeeze her in, but here she was with coffee.

“Do you think I did the right thing, sending that email?” Kelly had blurted out everything and shown Claire the email.

“Does it feel right to you?”

“It did when I sent it, but now I’m worrying whether it might make things worse.” Kelly grabbed a cushion and hugged it. Anything to keep her hands busy.

“Why would it make things worse? You were honest, respectful, and truthful.”

“But if they wanted a statement from me, wouldn’t they have asked for it?”

“Your debrief was your statement. You were not a witness to what Dex did, so they had no reason to ask you. And you and I both know the Navy doesn’t worry too much about feelings and opinions. They deal in facts. By sending that email to Dex’s CO you hopefully made an impression, and I would like to think that Commander Johnson will share it with the board as you asked. Do you know if the hearing is finished?”

“No. There are no updates online yet. I just want to know if he’s OK. The whole team. I can’t bear the thought of them being in trouble because of me. I haven’t spoken to any of them. They must think I don’t care. Hell, they might even be regretting coming for me at all.” She threw the cushion off her in frustration.

Claire put down her drink, leaning forward. “Kelly, listen to me. The team is not in trouble because of you. They’re in trouble because Dex disobeyed an order.”

“Because of me, Claire!”

“Tell me something. If it wasn’t you, if it was perhaps your CO or another member of Bravo team that was being held, do you think Dex would have done anything differently?”

Kelly went to answer but stopped. Would he? He was wired to help people. The whole team were. It was what they did best. If Dex thought he had a solid plan and could rescue someone, prevent further pain or death, he would do it. And maybe disobey an order to do it.

“OK, I agree, he still might have done the same thing. But it wasn’t anyone else, it was me and I am struggling with that. I blocked them all out. What must they think?” She slouched back on the sofa, exhausted. Last night she barely slept worried about the hearing.

“How did it feel being in the restaurant with Sophie?”

Kelly looked up, surprised at the change in subject. “It was fine. It felt good to be out. To be honest, I think my mind was so preoccupied with this, I didn’t really give much thought to where I was after the first few minutes.”

“Did it feel good? Thinking about something else, even if it wasn’t something particularly pleasant.” Claire picked up her drink again, sitting back.

“Yeah, it kind of did. I wasn’t nervous at all at the restaurant. I guess I didn’t give myself any time to dwell on my fears.”

Claire smiled. “I know with all that's going on you may not see it. But that was quite a breakthrough.”

Kelly picked up her own drink. It was true, she’d barely thought about Daram since her last session with Claire.

“You enjoyed getting your teeth back into something,” Claire said.

Kelly felt her lips tilt up just the tiniest bit. It was unfamiliar and gave her pause but she felt lighter. “I did. There were a lot of emails from colleagues and friends on base too. Words of support.”

“That must have been nice. Did you reply to any?”

“No. Not yet. I did listen to my voicemail though. The one Dex left.”

“And?”

As if on command, tears started to fall. “Sorry, I can’t seem to stop crying lately.” Kelly grabbed a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. “It was emotional. He said he loved me, wanted to be there for me. That I should let him in.”

“Doesn’t sound like someone who regrets coming to get you, does it? What’s making you so upset?”

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