Page 22 of No Regrets

“Who is Dexter Dawson?”

The question caught her off guard and she snapped her head up, eyes wide.

“What do you mean...how do you know...?”

“He’s become quite well known with the Westside reception staff. I happened to be there the other day when he was asking to see you. I was just curious as he seemed very concerned. And by the sounds of it, he’s tried a few times.”

Kelly swallowed. Sophie had said he’d be checking in with her, but she hadn’t realized he’d actually been here trying to get in.

“I seem to have hit a nerve. It’s OK if you don’t want to talk about him yet.”

Kelly stared back down at her hands. “No. I’m not ready to talk about him. I’m not sure if I ever will be.”

“All right. But I’m here to help you. Not just with what happened in Daram but with how you move on with your life. If Dexter Dawson is a part of your life, it might be a good idea to talk about him. Like I said. Coronado is a small community.”

That was one of her biggest fears about going home. Who would stop Dex, Ryan, or any of the team knocking at her door? It was only a matter of time before she saw Dex and she had no idea how she was going to handle it.

“Sometimes I wish I’d died there, that they’d killed me too.” Too late, she realized she’d said the words aloud.

Claire put down her notebook, giving Kelly her full attention. “Why?’

Kelly picked up the cup of water. Her hands shook a little after having said aloud what she’d been thinking for a while.

“It would have been so much easier. Bravo team died, my CO died, and I survived. It doesn’t seem right. Some of those men had families.”

Silent tears rolled down her cheeks and Claire passed her a box of tissues.

“You were not the only survivor. You were the only one captured while the other survivors were airlifted out. Bravo team died, unfortunately a risk they take when on any mission. I don’t say that lightly, but it’s the truth. Tell me what doesn’t seem right.”

Kelly shrugged. “I got to come home, and I don’t have a family. While there are widows and kids growing up without a father.”

“Survivor’s guilt. It’s common and understandable. Kelly, it wasn't your choice who lived or died. It wasn't your choice to get captured. Your life is just as valuable as any other member of your team.”

Guilt? Maybe that was some of what she was feeling.

“Kelly, we’re going to work through these feelings. I promise you. But to do it we need to go back and start at the beginning. Are you ready to tell me about the op?”

The thought of going over it again made her sick, but she also knew it was unavoidable. If she ever wanted to get back to some sort of life...work...she would need to be cleared for duty. That meant Claire needed to sign her off.

“No, but putting it off isn’t going to make it any easier.”

“How about for today, you tell me about your job, the team, and how you came to be in Daram.”

Kelly glanced at the dog tags of Bravo team, sitting next to her water cup. Somehow, they gave her strength. She sighed, closing her eyes. She could do this. Taking a deep breath, she started talking.

DEX HATED VOICEMAIL, but if that was all he could do, then he had to try. This morning had been the formal service for Bravo and, fuck, it was the toughest one he’d ever attended, and he’d been to a few. No bodies, no retribution, no closure. Not for him or for any of the families of their dead brothers.

His team was spending some time with his dad, catching up. Seeing as he was still part of a no-contact order, he’d come home. His dad had tried to visit Kelly with no luck either, and Dex had thought about trying again himself today. He had a feeling Sophie might report him, despite them being friends. Taking a breath, he dialed Kelly. She didn’t answer, the phone instead going straight to voicemail. Trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice, he left her a heartfelt message. No sooner had he hung up, than it rang.

His heart surged and he almost dropped the phone in surprise.

“Hello?”

“Dawson?”

“Yes, sir.” He answered warily, recognizing his CO’s voice.

“I was hoping to catch you before you left. I have some news.”

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