Page 39 of Go Find Less

Carla’s out at a newcomer’s meeting, and I stare around the apartment, contemplating what to eat for dinner. I have a playlist going through the speaker in my bedroom, the door open to play through the limited space we share.

Just text him.

The thought drifts to my head, and I try to shake it away. No. Texting first makes me look clingy.

Jesus. What was I, 19? No, texting first isn’t clingy - it’s assertive. It’s dominant. It’s…necessary.

PIPER DELMONICO

Do we need to alert the media that Jigsaw is back? Seems like a plausible explanation for your disappearance.

The second I send it, I nearly facepalm. ASawjoke? Seriously?

The three dots appear, and I suck in a breath. Then, they disappear. And for a solid minute, there’s no response. Then five. And by ten minutes, I’m pacing around my bedroom, Bex watching me worriedly from her perch at the end of my bed.

My phone buzzes, and I nearly run to it on my side table.

BRIANNA VILLAREAL

Your PTO is approved through next Monday. Please enjoy your time off.

Time off. I roll my eyes. That’s what she's calling this? Like it's a vacation, not recovering from a near traumatic brain injury.

The phone buzzes again in my hand, and I click the notification that slides down from the top before it’s completely visible.

FITZ WESTFALL

I didn’t want to bother you. You should be recovering.

I snort. Was I a China doll? The doctor wouldn't have let me come home if they didn't believe it was safe. So why was everyone acting like I was going to break any minute?

Maybe because I had. Because, even without permanent physical damage, I had cracked momentarily, and shown everyone just how not-ok I was sometimes.

PIPER DELMONICO

Not fragile.

I left it at that, and got up to attend to the load of laundry that had just buzzed, letting my frustration fuel the focus on getting at least one load actually washed and dried. When I came back, he’d responded.

FITZ WESTFALL

You took a fly ball to the head and lived to tell the tale. You’re anything but fragile.

I can’t help the small smile that comes to my face. I had, hadn’t I? Another incredible thing in my life - another trauma that could have killed me, but it didn’t.

PIPER DELMONICO

It feels like I scared you off with

I ponder how to finish the sentence. What do I call it? Episode? Attack? Moment? None of it feels right.

PIPER DELMONICO

It feels like I scared you off with my reaction to being in the hospital. I wouldn’t blame you if I did.

I press send, and let out a shuddering breath.

And I wait. For fifteen minutes I wait. And then, I’m done waiting. I put my phone on the TV stand at the foot of my bed, switching back on Outlander and hiding myself under my blankets, feeling exhausted and slightly humiliated.

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