Page 266 of Unravelling The Beast

The ‘A’ that will be forever engraved on my skin is bright red from the heat of the water, and I smile as I carefully trace the tip of my fingers over it, neatly tracing the letter.

Sara and I are driving to the scan, and the car has been silent the entire time while I gaze out of the window beside me. This should have been a day I spent with him; it was something special for us, and now I'm left to face it alone. In my gloomy paralysis, I don't realize that the car has stopped and we've arrived until Sara calls my name.

“Wren?”

I slowly draw my eyes to her and she gives me a soft smile.

“Are you ready?”

I give a small, wordless nod before unclipping my seatbelt and stepping out of the car. When we enter the private hospital, we're taken to the room where the doctor is. A male doctor approaches us with his hand extended out as the door closes behind us.

“Hey, you must be Wren?”

I don't take his hand and give him a small nod before glancing away.

“It's nice to meet you, Doctor; I'm Sara Hayes, the sister-in-law.”

I cover the tops of my arms with my hands when I notice the doctor looking down at me from the corner of my eye.

“Wren, can you pop up onto the bed for me, and I'll scan you to make sure everything is okay?”

I avoid making eye contact and gently advance until the bed is within reach, and I lie down on it. I gaze around as he gets everything ready, and Sara sits beside me.

“Okay, please lift your shirt up for me, Wren, and this gel will be cold.”

Not saying anything, I lift my shirt over my belly, and he applies the gel, followed by a device. I stare at the screen as it comes to life, blurring about a little until he stops and focuses. In a trance, my eyes fixate on my baby that is growing inside of me, which is a lot bigger than I anticipated.

I can see its tiny legs and feet, as well as certain facial features, and I feel a warm sensation inside. As I continue to watch, my eyes tear up, but I can't bring myself to be excited. This is no longer an exciting day; my entire mind and body are fucked.

“You're 14 weeks pregnant, Wren, and everything looks absolutely fine.”

My teary eyes widen, and they shift to him in an instant.

“14 weeks?”

He gives a small smile, and Sara gives my hand a reassuring squeeze, but I am absolutely shocked that I'm that far gone already.

“But I hardly have a bump.”

“It's absolutely normal for first-time mom's not to show as quickly as a mom who have two plus.”

I just stare at him before returning my eyes back to the screen, and he speaks again.

“Would you like to know the gender?”

I don't take my eyes off the screen, but I feel myself hesitating, and I don't know why. As he waits patiently for me to answer, in the end, I give a small nod in agreement, and he moves around a bit, focusing on the screen, until he looks my way.

“It's a girl.”

I let out a sob instantly and place my palms over my face before feeling Sara wrap her arm around my shoulder and pull me into her.

“He said it would be a girl... He said…”

I can't get the words out anymore; I am crushed and broken that he will never meet our daughter.

Staring at myself in the mirror, I smooth my hands down the front of my black, simple dress. I really don't want to do it today; it's Arlo's memorial, but I know I have to be there for Cree, just as Arlo would want.

I place the black fascinator on my head, the delicate netting covering half of my face, when I suddenly hear people talking outside of the bedroom door and I listen out when I notice Jasper and Sara chatting quietly.