Page 173 of Unravelling The Beast

"Fucking drop it, Wren. You shouldn't have seen me like that, and it won't happen again, fucking believe me."

I ignore his bitter tone and shuffle across the bed before coming to a stop in front of him.

When I rest my hands on his chest, he turns his face away again, but this time with a small warning growl, clearly annoyed that I am pressing on the matter.

"You can't keep ignoring it, baby. It's something you need to talk about in order to let go and go on."

His eyes instantly met mine again, evaluating my face before zooming in on mine.

"This shit will eat away at me for the rest of my fucking days, which is why I wanted to fucking end it. There's no turning back, Wren; I've done the most horrific thing someone can ever fucking do, and it will haunt me exactly as I fucking deserve. Don't think for a second that I'll ever be able to let this bullshit go. If you do, you're clearly in love with the wrong man!"

He steps back from me, with his dark gaze fixed on mine, until he turns and walks into the bathroom.

I let out a discouraged sigh and turn away, unsure what to do next, but I understand that this will take time. Everything is still very raw for him right now, and I don't blame him. I just hope that one day he will find a sense of closure and that his pain will fade as time passes.

In any case, I'll be waiting for him to be ready to entirely devote his heart to me, but I won't force him. He doesn't need to tell me he loves me; I can feel it. Sometimes we don't need to hear it in words; we can just feel it, and well, he might not even know it yet.

As I walk into the shower, I toss my head back and allow the water to pour over my face and hair. My mind and body feel like they've been through fifty rounds of hardcore boxing, and my memory flashes back to last night.

I try my fucking hardest to push past the nightmares that haunt my already darkened soul, as I have for years, but this one is much more difficult than I imagined. This one aches more than anything I've ever fucking felt, and I loathe it.

I have plans to see my mom today to try to get some answers. She must be fine because I haven't heard Sara screaming down the phone yet, but I need to know what she knows.

My thoughts then turn to Wren and how, for the first time, she told me she loved me and it pulled me out of doing something stupid, but I still didn't have the fucking kindness to say it back. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to because my mental state is so messed up right now that I'm not even sure what love is anymore.

I once believed I loved someone, and then I fucking killed her. No amount of drugs would have allowed you to do anything like that if you truly loved someone, surely? Wren deserves so much more than I can give her; she's far too good for me.

Ever since I've known her, she has never forced me to explain why I am the way I am or why I am so cruel, twisted, and absolutely fucked in the head. She simply sat in the stillness of my darkness. She looked at my nightmare and said, "Can I join you?" She never questioned anything, and that's why I like her. That's why I like her a hell of a lot. She's always seen me for the sadistic, nasty asshole I am while still finding some specks of goodness in me when I can't even find goodness in myself.

She saved me from myself last night. In an instant, with three simple words, she dragged me out of a black fucking hole that was swallowing me whole. I never thought anyone could have that kind of power, and I didn't realise until that point that I was entirely hers, but I still find it so fucking challenging to open up to her.

She suddenly wraps her arms around me from behind, her big, juicy titties and erect nipples on my back sending a filthy sensation straight down to my cock. I sigh and turn around to face her, and she keeps her arms around me as she looks up at me through her thick lashes.

I glance over her face, moving her hair behind her shoulders, and then cup my hands around her face, tilting her head back and sweeping my thumbs across her cheeks.

"You deserve so much better than the fucking mess they made of me."

I continue while she looks at me, perplexed.

"But I need you for some reason; what's left of my pitiful soul needs you; it craves you; and it calls for you, even when I don't want it to."

I lay my hands on her shoulders and bend down to her eye level, looking deeply into her big brown eyes while I speak seriously.

"I'm not sure what fucking voodoo shit spell you've cast on me, but—"

I smile as she giggles, and I place my arm around her shoulder as I stand straight again, pulling her closer to me. She presses her face against my wet chest, stroking her fingers up and down my abs before glancing up at me.

I lower my head, my gaze shifting from her eyes to her lips.

"I'll be back soon. Call me if you need me."

She nods silently, so I kiss her cheek again before exiting the shower, wrapping a towel around myself and leaving the bathroom.

When I enter my huge walk-in closet, I swiftly pick something to throw on. I go with a white tank, gray sweatpants, and sneakers. Before leaving, I grab a black snapback and turn it backwards on my head.

I pull Sara's phone number up on my dashboard screen and call through to her to check on Cree once I'm in my black, matte range rover.

When she answers, she sounds surprised.

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