Page 95 of 12 Days

"Baby, we felt so betrayed by you," Nico says. "Loyalty is everything. You know you broke our trust."

"I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am, and I just hope that what I've done can offset the situation."

Ford comes to comfort me, and his big hands around my shoulders feel so good.

"Don't cry, baby. Even though we're pissed off at you, I don't think a single one of us has ever given up hope. We knew you'd be back. And that you had a job to do."

His words give me assurance like I never dreamed possible. Slowly, the world is feeling right again. Maybe it's the pressure of his strong hands on me, or maybe it's their adoring looks, but something tells me I have not lost these guys, nor could I ever.

"You know you were underhanded with us, Alyssa. We can't put up with that, especially not in our business," Owen says to me sternly.

His brash tone takes me off guard, and I realize I might be in more trouble than I thought.

"I'm—I'm sorry. There's nothing more I can say than that."

"If we can't trust you, Alyssa, then this relationship is based on nothing. It has no foundation to stand on," explains Finn.

Ford's earlier words of reassurance are falling through the cracks as I realize these guys are mad. And they have every right to be.

I stole from them, and I cut them deeply with my deceit. I know I deserve everything I get here. I know this relationship might be broken beyond all repair and I lost the best thing that ever happened to me.

"I just hope you all can find some way to forgive me. I want you to know that I quit my job and it's just all over," I attempt to sway them.

But my words seem to fall on deaf ears. While there were some words of comfort, ultimately, I see that I have ruined this. I am solely responsible for my undoing.

"I'm sorry to have interrupted your meeting. I just wanted to give you the news about the FDA. And to say Merry Christmas."

Ethan opens the door for me to leave and his face is sullen. This is the single, worst Christmas Eve I've ever had. I've lost my heart's desire and I see nothing to celebrate.

I leave them and their building feeling crestfallen. And the worst part is I have no one to blame but myself.

I sink into a cab and try my hardest to prevent the tears from falling. It's snowing outside, and people are happily hurrying home to their families. It's hard to witness, considering I've just lost the truest family I've ever known: my true loves, my heart's desire.

Suddenly, the streets of NYC that are normally so magical on this one special night, remind me of the happiness that has slipped through my fingers.

What have I done?

The cab brings me home and I slink upstairs and into my bed, but not before closing every blind as if to close my attention away from this very lonely night.

I don't sleep though. Instead, I restlessly daydream the whole night about my 12 merry men, my 12 heartaches.

Night turns to dawn, and then fades into morning. The bright sun is shining, and I know what I have to do.

I can't lose them all without a fight. I will not go down in flames, but I will give this thing one more shot until I know for sure that all is lost.

Maybe somehow my Christmas wish can be granted.

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