Page 91 of 12 Days

I have a duty. I have a job. I have a reputation.

I can’t go back to Homer with nothing. I could destroy my career, and for what? Amazing sex?

I walk to the head of the table facing the door. I sit down where Owen was when I walked in this morning.

They never sit in the same seats. They trust each other so much, and each of them is so powerful in their own right that there is no need for them to play alpha dog games with each other.

What is that like? They don’t need to struggle between themselves. They know they are the best and that they will all work together for True Love.

Their lives are so different from mine.

I look again at the paper in my hand. It's just a copy. I kept the original I stole from their files at home.

I have the email with my findings drafted. I could send it from my phone across the room right now and be done. I could go into the office later today with the original formula, turn it over, collect my compensation, and go home.

My reputation would be intact. I would get more contracts like this, and life would continue as it did before.

I could keep my little apartment. I could get a cat, maybe a boyfriend.

What else could I do? What does life even look like if I don’t turn this over?

I don’t have a plan. There isn’t a playbook for having a fling with twelve men. There aren’t any rules to falling for them and what the hell happens after.

I can keep my nice, normal life, and the last ten days will be a sexy story I never tell my kids about. Maybe no matter what I do, that is what this will be.

I know they want me, but do they want anything more from me than a good time for a little while?

These are powerful men. They can, and often do, have any woman they want. Why should I put my career on the line for them?

I don’t know what they want from me. I don’t even know what I want from them.

I spin the chair around and look out the picture window. The city skyline fills the view, and the sun glistens off the buildings. From here the world looks like a toy.

I feel powerful, as if from this chair in this room, rules don’t apply to me. I can have what I want, as long as I can be honest about what that is.

As crazy as it seems, I do know what I want. I want the men of True Love. I laugh to myself about the name.

It has been there the whole time—True Love.

This wasn’t just a bucket list item; this is a bucket I want to fill over and over. I want them. Impossibly, I love them—each of them and all of them.

I never imagined I could feel this way. I don’t think anyone does, but I have learned so much about myself, about lust and passion and about love. I don’t know if they want me, but all I can do is ask.

More than anything, I need to protect them. I have that power. I can make this thing with the FDA go away.

This is what I can give them. I can keep their secret, but I can’t keep my love for them a secret anymore.

I cross the room quickly and put on my dress, open my phone, and go to my draft emails. I delete the email I wrote before. I have a lot of work to do tonight.

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