Page 35 of 12 Days

“Just because I enjoy it, doesn’t mean it’s just for me. The most enjoyable things in life are best when shared.”

I feel the delicate tickle of the cushions changing position again as Tate throws his hand up above his head. His shoulder comes awfully close to sweeping lightly against mine as he leans to one side, keeping his hand raised steadily in the air.

“Ooh, ooh, professors, will this be on our final exams?”

Tate’s shoulder does make very mild, fleeting contact with me as he leans back into the cushion behind him, laughing heartily at this own joke. I can’t help but turn to look at him for a moment, and he automatically looks back at me, a contented smile still plastered on his striking face.

I’m far more charmed by his smile and his ability to leave himself in stitches than I am by his joke. As his eyes stay on me, presenting both tenderness and hunger, I realize he may have done that intentionally.

“Are you taking notes, Alyssa?” Tristan swivels over to me at the offering his own joke. He finds me sitting with my hands folded in my lap. “Ah, I see you’re smart enough to not bother. Brains and ravishing beauty; color me continuously impressed.”

“‘The most enjoyable things in life are best when shared’,” I repeat back to Nico, “that sounds like a slogan to me. Cynical, one could say.”

“I can’t speak for Nico,” Ford asserts, still entrenched in the conversation and firmly focused on me. “But I’m in agreement with him, and I don’t have an ounce of cynicism about it.”

I study Ford’s eyes, brimming with sincerity. I should put my own cynicism aside, because there’s no chance that he’s anything less than completely serious about this.

“Same,” quietly utters Nico, with the beginnings of a smile playing around the corners of his lips. It’s clear as day that he feels just as strongly about the idea as Ford does?but what is the idea, exactly?

“The most enjoyable things in life...break that down for me, if you would,” I command.

This time both Tristan and Tate swing around to gaze, impressed, at my poise.

“Damn, Alyssa, you’ve got me interested now,” Tate says enthusiastically.

“As Nico would say: same,” inserts Tristan, looking outright enchanted?and distracting me a bit.

I feel like the dialog needs to come to its natural conclusion, so I proceed without waiting for Nico or Ford to respond.

“Look...I know what you mean, obviously. But isn’t that natural?” I feel the rationality escaping me?I’m surprised it took so long. “It’s not the place of any product to mess with nature, not the way this does.”

My hands are getting shaky as I watch our common ground disappear. I can’t help but let the discussion become personal.

“I’m pretty sure we all agree with that, Alyssa.” Ford’s still broadcasting his earnest face. I look away, since I can’t deny his sincerity when I see it.

“How could I believe that?”

“I think you have it backwards,” Tristan says with a brief sigh, allowing himself to join the serious part of the conversation. “We’re not bringing people away from nature.”

He ends his little explanation there.

“Oh? Let me guess?you’re bringing them closer? Don’t you think you need to take how they feel into consideration?”

“How do you feel?” Ford’s fixed serious is softening, but his voice is deeply genuine.

On top of everything, I don’t know how to answer that question...I think.

“I guess I’ll say it again: I don’t regret it.”

Tristan, Ford, Nico, Tate?their eyes are all on me, and yet I don’t feel intimidated. Like the truthfulness and openness in Ford’s expression, I cannot deny the clear warmth and affection for me in the room.

There’s more than just those vague feelings, though. There’s a message there. I turn my head to look square at Tate before turning to Ford.

I thought I wanted to be sure of the message, but then I realize that I am sure of it:

These men care for me. They care about me. Every one of them.

That’s what I’m feeling, powerfully, in this moment. I don’t think that feeling will fade, either. In fact, I know it won’t.

Because I speak the truth: I don’t regret it.

“Not even a little,” I add.

I’m glad I did, because I remember, again, how much I’ve been enjoying getting to know myself, to embrace something substantial that I’ve always had inside.

Ford and I exchange another look. He doesn’t say anything, but his dawning look of happiness?of elation, even?seems to be for me.

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