Page 76 of 12 Days

Yesterday, I would have said it was a good thing. I was happy to be a part of their world. I was enjoying this new wonderful feeling, and I was especially enjoying feeling them.

I was enjoying fucking them. I love having their hard cocks fill me. I ache to feel their hands on my skin, lips on mine, fingers trailing along my collarbone.

The only thing that has changed in the last 24 hours is I now know they were fucking their assistants before they met me. I’ve seen some of the assistants at True Love. They are lovely women. If I were a young sexy guy like any one of my recent lovers, I would probably want to fuck them too.

But how can I trust these guys, if they just use women like that? They are using me to replace the group of women they got bored with. They could blithely have an assistant suck them off in the morning, and fuck me in the afternoon. I can’t wrap my head around it. What do they see me as? Am I a convenient fuck, am I someone worth pursuing?

I don’t even know what I want them to see me as. These past few days have been a whirlwind, I haven’t stopped to catch my breath. I don’t know what I’m feeling, and I certainly don’t know what they are feeling.

I drain my wine glass and duck my head under the water. I feel the hot water enfold me. I can hear the beating of my heart. I stay under as long as I can. I stop letting myself think about True Love and the men who run it.

When I run out of breath, I break the surface and feel the chill of the air after the warmth of the water. I shake my head clearing the water dripping into my eyes.

I’ve gone back and forth in circles for too long. I didn’t lose sight of myself, I’ve just been opened to a new world of possibility.

Those women are adults, who have their own minds. None of these men have used me, and I haven’t used them. They didn’t know me before I showed up in their office, whatever, or whoever, they did before that has nothing to do with me.

In fact, maybe I should thank the girls who came before me, they certainly know what they are doing. They must have had lots of practice.

I get out of the tub and wrap myself in a silk robe. Flush with the wine and the hot water, I put myself to bed.

I should really apologize for being so prudish today. As I drift off towards sleep, I have a great idea on how I can do just that tomorrow.

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