Page 39 of A Nine-Month Deal With Her Husband

‘Pacing the corridor outside. Given his history, he’s probably even more nervous than you are now,’ Bettina said, resting her hip against the counter running against the wall and below the mirror.

Millie’s head jerked and the make-up artist, Anna, groaned when her hand slipped. Millie looked straight ahead again, her eyes connecting with Bettina’s in the mirror. ‘What do you mean by that?’ she asked.

Bettina shifted from foot to foot, looking uncomfortable. ‘Um, you know, because of what happened with Margrét?’

What happened? And who was Margrét? ‘What are you talking about, Bets?’ Millie demanded.

Bettina winced and sent a longing look at the door. It was obvious she was desperate to escape. ‘I thought that, given how close you and Ben seem to be, he would’ve told you...’

Millie glared at her mother’s best friend. ‘Bets, what do I need to know?’

Bets looked down and ran an elegant finger, red nail polish glistening, around the edge of the glass. ‘Didn’t he tell you why his engagement ended abruptly?’

Millie’s mouth dropped open in surprise. As far as she knew, he’d only ever had surface-skimming relationships. ‘Benwas engaged?’

‘Did you not know?’

No, she bloody well didn’t! How could she not know? And why, when Ben knew all her deepest secrets, hadn’t he told her? ‘When was this?’

Bettina waved her hand in the air. ‘Oh, a few years before your mum died. He was pretty young, but so in love. She came from a very wealthy, very connected family.’

Anna stepped back, declared she was done, but Millie couldn’t be bothered with her appearance.

Mille wanted to scream with frustration when someone called Bettina’s name and she hurried away, looking relieved to be let off the conversational hook.

Damn, because she wanted to know more about Ben and his broken engagement. Over the past two weeks, she’d told him so much about her childhood—and her future hopes and dreams—but Ben had shared very little about his past. Millie could think of at least ten occasions when he could’ve mentioned he’d been engaged and that he’d once thought about marriage. She’d even asked him whether he’d ever been in love, but he never answered her.

He never answered her...

She was a gushing geyser; he was a hidden away ice cave. He was aware of how much her mum’s secrets had hurt her and knew how insecure she felt as a child, knowing she wasn’t loved by Magnús and not knowing why. She’d cried all over him, told him about her father, exposed herself and shown him her soft underbelly but he didn’t feel enough for her, or didn’t trust her enough, to show her his. He loved her body and enjoyed her mind, but he kept his heart safely tucked away.

He hadn’t been dishonest, but neither had he been truly honest, and that realisation was hard to swallow. They said that girls fell in love with men who were either like, or the exact opposite, of their fathers. Ben, in his inability to communicate, was very like the man she grew up with. Like Magnús, he kept himself emotionally isolated.

She was having an affair with her husband and was in love with him, but he couldn’t emotionally engage with her. She needed more than surface, she always had. She’d never been able to break through Magnús’s reserves to find the man behind the armour and it seemed as though she was repeating that mistake with Ben.

It was possible she was banging on a door that would never open.

Her choices were to keep banging, hoping it opened a crack and she could slip in through, or to give up on trying to get him to confide in her. Which way to jump? Right? Left? Not at all?

They’d agreed to talk later...could she talk about this?

She knew what she wanted and that was to carry on seeing him. Would he want to continue their relationship if she asked? But was what they had, right now,enough? He was her best friend, her confidant, but she didn’t want to keep taking, she wanted to give as well. She wanted him to confide in her, to be his best friend, to support him when he needed propping up.

But would he open up if she asked him to? Could he? If he couldn’t, and if she wanted Ben in her life, then she’d have to accept his emotional distance. Could she live with him being like that? Could she have someone in her life who knew everything about her, but she knew nothing of him? She didn’t know...

Millie knew she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life begging him to let her in. She knew how it felt to be continuously rebuffed, how frustrating and soul-destroying it could be. If Ben couldn’t give her what she needed, then it might be better for her, better forthem, if they called it over...

It would hurt—she loved him, how could she not?—but she could walk away. Shewould. She had to because she’d fought this battle before and it had dented and damaged her.

But before she did anything too drastic, said words she couldn’t take back, she and Ben needed to talk. She wanted a relationship with him, but he’d have to emotionally unbend.

She couldn’t be the only one with emotional skin in the game.

CHAPTER TEN

BENSTOODINthe wings on the impressive stage, shoved his hands into his suit pockets and watched as Millie walked to the podium on what he knew were shaky legs. Millie had asked him to come backstage with her and he’d agreed, knowing she needed his support.

Public speaking, especially at such an important event, was always hard, but talking about your dead mum was doubly so. If he could do it for her, he would, but he couldn’t take the chance.

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