Page 22 of A Nine-Month Deal With Her Husband

Millie wondered if Ben had ever wanted kids, if having a family was something he’d ever considered. She knew little about his family and wondered why he’d never married or had a long-term partner. If he had, she would know about it, it was part of their pact to be honest with each other.

Ben, she suspected, was married to the company and his career. He’d taken the business to unimaginable heights, making them both—well, him and her mum’s foundation, because that’s where her share of the company profits ended up—exceptionally rich. Success like that required pinpoint focus and dedication.

But, for some mad reason, she could see him married, see him as a dad. She could easily imagine him standing at that stove, dressed in a T-shirt and plaid pyjama pants, his feet bare as he flipped pancakes for his toddler son and dropped kisses on the head of his flaxen-haired daughter. His lower face would be rough with stubble, his usually neat hair would be messy, and happiness and contentment would make him look younger than his years. He’d smile when she walked through the door...

Whoa, brakes on, Millie!

Too much and too fast. Ben wasn’t going to be her happy-ever-after, because she didn’t believe her happiness rested in a man’s hands. And she had too many trust issues to let a man that far into her world and heart. Ben would never be the man she created a family with, the man she’d spend the rest of her life with. There wasn’t going tobea man. No, it was better to be a single mum and not risk her heart.

She was going to have her family, and it would be just her and her kids. And the donor of the biological matter she needed would be anonymous. If her kids wanted to know who he was, and if he was open to that, they could track him down when they were adults, but she never wanted a relationship with the man.

Stop thinking about Ben and start thinking about your Ben-free future, Millie!

Now, or some time very soon, she had to work out when to get pregnant. But before she did that, she had to get past her reluctance to fall pregnant while she was still married to Ben. It was stupid to wait up to eighteen months to get pregnant because she felt ‘uncomfortable’ about being married to Ben while carrying another man’s child.

She wasn’t properly married to Ben and the baby would be hers. Neither man would play a part in her or her baby’s life going forward so she was being incredibly stupid. She had to get over herself. Immediately.

She needed to get serious about finding a sperm donor, so she opened her laptop and pulled up the website of the sperm bank she favoured using. Millie idly scrolled through the website. If she and Ben got divorced shortly after their government-imposed, six-month waiting period, then she could have the baby any time after July next year. It made sense to start trying to fall pregnant in the New Year, as her first attempt might not be successful.

Derek is a super-smart, persistent and very kind man with a fun, open personality. He also has gorgeous blue eyes and light brown hair, with impressive cheekbones and a straight nose. He’s on an impressive career path, has two degrees, in genetics and pharmacology, and wants to establish his own bio lab to tailor-make drugs to individuals. Derek has a large family he is close to...

Admittedly, Derek looked sexy and athletic, but Millie wanted to know more. Did he sulk? Was he the type to lose his temper? Did he make promises he didn’t keep? Millie sighed. She could never fill in all the blanks—nobody could, not even in a proper relationship—but she wanted to know more, dig deeper. This was someone who would pass on a hefty chunk of his genes to her baby, she wanted to know the good, the bad and the ugly.

How was she supposed to make a choice when she didn’t knoweverything?

Millie looked out of the large windows that were a feature of Ben’s open plan living area and sighed at the endlessly falling snow, wondering when the wind would ever stop howling. She felt tired but energised, sleepy but her mind was on a spin cycle.

‘He sounds too good to be true.’

Millie slapped her hand on her chest and spun around to see Ben standing by the island, his eyes on her computer screen. Yawning, he scratched the side of his neck and walked towards the enormous fridge. He removed a bottle of orange juice, slammed the door closed with his foot and took a glass from the cupboard next to the fridge. He downed a tall glass of orange juice before refilling the glass and coming to stand next to her.

‘Should I be offended that you are looking for sperm donors after we nearly set the house on fire?’ he asked, his tone mild. He stroked his hand over her hair and she responded by lifting her face, silently and subconsciously, asking for a kiss. His lips met hers with gentle heat.

‘They are separate issues,’ Millie quietly reminded him. ‘I still want a baby and I’m not going to get one until I decide who I want the sperm donor to be.’

‘So what’s the problem?’ Ben asked, sitting next to her and placing his forearm on the counter. He’d pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and, yes, his big feet were bare. He looked like the man she’d imagined earlier, the one flipping pancakes...

Stop it, Millie!

‘I can choose everything: hair colour, eye colour, height and build. His ethnicity,’ Millie explained, pushing her hands into her hair. And, yes, it felt weird discussing this with him. ‘But I can’t tell what sort of personality he has. How does he react to stress? To hardship? Is he a bully or is he sensitive?’ Magnús’s face popped up on the big screen of her mind. ‘Does he have a temper? Does he say one thing and do another?’

‘Are you thinking about how Magnús treated you? If you are, then you are giving him too much power,’ Ben told her.

Millie silently cursed, wishing he wouldn’t read her mind. Maybe she’d told him too much earlier. Why had she told him about Magnús’s hatred towards her because she’d never shared that with anyone?

Not even her mum understood how much Magnús detested her. Millie had always sensed his dislike, but didn’t understand how deep his hatred ran until their big blowout. He resented having to raise her, resented the attention her mum paid her, resented her mum’s insistence that he claim her as his.

Why had they both promoted the lie? Iceland was an accepting society and having a child by someone else wasn’t that big a deal, even thirty years ago. Millie didn’t understand their motives and she definitely didn’t understand why they’d kept her real father’s identity a secret.

There would be no lies in her family, no secrets. Her children would, when they were old enough to understand, know everything about her and her family.

‘To be fair, most couples take years to know each other that well,’ he stated. ‘It’s not something you can discover in a few conversations.’

It took her a minute to work out that Ben was referring to her statement about not knowing the ins and outs of her potential sperm donor.

Funny that Ben was the person she’d known the longest, the man who’d been on the outside of her life for most of her life. A spark of an idea flared in the deepest part of her.

Ben had been amazing these past twelve years. He was always polite, always calm and he’d made great decisions for the company and her. She trusted him. He was smart, good looking and healthy, and making a baby with him would be so much more fun than the soulless clinic visit she was anticipating.

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