Page 48 of Hurt for Me

“Okay, so I’d go with your nicest suit. If you have a tux, even better.” She handed the mask to him, and he gently took a hold of her wrist.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he said, his eyes saying the opposite of his words.

She placed her hand over his. “We’re going to do this, but we can’t fuck it up. I want to come home to my kid, and I know you want to come home safe to yours too.”

He nodded.

CHAPTER 31

RAE

2009

Since Rae’s meeting with Detective McHugh, she couldn’t sleep. She told herself it was due to Lily’s near-constant movements inside her belly throughout the night, but she knew it was really because she’d opened up herself and Viv to possible danger by talking with the detective. They’d gotten what they wanted and dusted their hands of her. She didn’t trust the police. She didn’t trust anyone aside from Viv.

When Rae had told Viv about the meeting, Viv was enraged with the New Mexico police. “The least they could’ve done was offer you counseling services,” she’d said to Rae. “The lazy bastards.”

Rae thought it was more than laziness. It was apathy. Like her mother, unconcerned about anything that didn’t directly affect her. She only hoped the police would be able to use the information she’d given them to find Beth’s and Maria’s families, but she didn’t like exposing herself after being comfortably hidden for so many months.

She didn’t want to seem paranoid, but she found herself staying inside more and more, afraid to leave the house. She used to go to thestore to help with grocery shopping, but now she gave Viv money to get her what she needed. Viv noticed Rae reverting to her hermit existence, but she didn’t say anything.

They went on for a week like that, pretending everything was fine, until Rae had no choice but to leave the house since she had a prenatal visit at Planned Parenthood.

“Wow, twenty-seven weeks now,” the nurse said as she removed the lubricant gel from Rae’s abdomen with a paper towel. “Getting closer. How have you been feeling, Rae?”

“Fine. Just a little tired.”

Rae normally enjoyed watching Lily doing acrobatics on the ultrasound screen, but now she wanted to get back to the safety of the condo.

“I don’t want to worry you, but your baby has tachycardia.”

Rae sat up on the exam table, sudden anxiety making her face go numb. “What does that mean?”

“It’s an abnormally high heart rate. Normal is between one hundred ten and one hundred sixty beats per minute, and your baby’s is at one hundred ninety,” the nurse said. “Have you had a lot of stressors lately?”

Rae paused. “Yes.”

“That could be the cause, but just to be safe, I’m referring you to a prenatal cardiologist.” She placed a hand on Rae’s shoulder. “In the meantime, try to find ways to eliminate as much stress as possible. Take gentle walks and meditate. Yoga’s good too.”

After she made it back to her car, Rae held her belly and cried. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered to her baby. It was her fault for focusing so much on all the bad things that could possibly happen, storing up apprehension in her body with no release, instead of worrying about being healthy for her child. As she drove home, she vowed to start walking along the trails near Viv’s condo.

Really, she wished she could de-stress by topping an actual person, not a plastic doll for online viewers, but it was too physically demanding for her now with how big her belly was getting and how swollen her feetwere all the time. She was never so relaxed in her life as she was after she dominated someone, though. She fed off their energy, the thrilling exchange of the power dynamic she shared with them, which could never be replicated online.

As she pulled up to the condo, she saw Viv talking to a man outside their door. She didn’t recognize him, but something about the way he looked at Viv bothered her. Like he owned her. She knew that look.

Viv didn’t seem to notice Rae as she parked and watched them from afar. They were arguing about something, and then the man yanked on Viv’s arm like he was trying to get her to go with him. She slapped him, and he pushed her hard against the front door.

Rae jumped out of her car and ran up to them. “Get your hands off her!”

The man turned around and glanced at Rae. “Mind your own business, preggo.”

“She is my business.”

“Rae, let me handle this,” Viv said, her voice trembling.

The man looked at Viv. “Who the fuck is this girl?”

“Who the fuck are you?” Rae said, and Viv shot her a wide-eyed warning.

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