Page 79 of Hurt for Me

She pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes, willing herself not to cry again. Then she got up, went to the kitchen, and started dinner as if the world wasn’t crashing around her.

CHAPTER 49

RAE

2009

This is only temporary.Rae repeated it to herself as she pulled into Ben and Marilyn Reid’s neighborhood in Yukon. The Oklahoma sky was robin’s-egg blue and painfully cheerful even as the October day had chilled her enough to throw on a coat when she had stopped for gas.

Leaving the condo in Albuquerque had been one of the hardest tasks of her life, but she had nowhere else to go. For an agonizing second, she almost called her mother, ready to beg for help again. She couldn’t handle any more cracks in her heart, which felt ready to shatter beyond repair after Viv. She only wanted a safe place to give birth to Lily, and Marilyn sounded so nice over the phone, her voice buttery and warm when she told Rae they had a large guest bedroom she could use as long as she needed.

So, Rae had packed her meager belongings into her Civic, including her computer setup for live streams and the baby items Viv had helped her buy. Cynthia helped her break down the crib before she had to go back to where she lived in Santa Fe, Rae weeping in her arms asthey hugged goodbye. Cynthia reminded her so much of Viv; it was like losing her friend all over again.

Rae sucked in a few deep breaths as she slowed down, scanning the house numbers for the correct address in the Reids’ neighborhood. All the houses looked the same—large brick new builds with no established trees, only saplings and unimaginative landscaping without color. She pictured Marilyn and Ben’s home decorated not with original paintings like Viv’s but with signs from Hobby Lobby saying “LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE” or “BLESSED.”

She found their home after driving past it and having to turn around. They opened the front door before she was fully out of her car with her purse.

A wisp of a woman with ash-blonde hair came up to her car. “Echo? I’m sorry, I mean Rae. I’m Marilyn.” Her smile was eager, maybe nervous, which somehow put Rae at ease. Marilyn pointed to the man following behind her. “This is my husband, Ben.” He had soft brown eyes and dark curly hair.

“I’m so happy to meet you both,” Rae said, and she meant it.

Marilyn went to hug her and stopped. “I’m sorry, I’m a hugger. Are you okay with that?”

“Of course.” It was surprising how strong Marilyn was as she held her.

Rae caught Ben’s eye, and he looked away from her. He moved toward her trunk. “I’ll help you with your things.”

“Katelyn’s still at school, but we’ll be getting her soon,” Marilyn said as she grabbed one of Rae’s bags. “She’s so excited to see you again. Isn’t that right, honey?”

Ben said nothing, and Rae assumed he didn’t hear his wife since he beelined for the house with her large suitcase. She carried as much as she could and followed them inside.

Their home was larger than any house she’d ever been in. It was an open concept with hardwood floors and heavy leather furniture, thewalls painted the color of a stormy sea. She spotted a faux wood sign in the kitchen reading “WINEO’ CLOCK.” Everything was spotless with no signs of a child living there. Like a museum.

Once all Rae’s belongings were inside the house, Marilyn made them some herbal tea and asked her a million questions, namely about the baby and how her pregnancy was going.

“We did IVF with Katelyn. She’s our miracle baby.” Marilyn smiled so much, Rae’s face hurt watching her. “We’ve been trying again for a few years, but no luck.”

Rae noticed how silent Ben was as he watched them talking. She didn’t know if he was shy or if it was his personality to be standoffish, but she felt self-conscious around him.

“We’ll have to help you get set up for prenatal care here,” Marilyn said. “Anything you need, we’ll help you with it. I mean, we owe you so much. It’s the least we can do. Right, honey?”

Ben stared at Rae, his face unreadable. “Right.”

Marilyn stayed behind at the house when Ben left to get Katelyn from school. Rae had hoped Marilyn would go, too, so she could have a moment without questions, but she had a feeling one of them would always stick around until they trusted her to be alone in their house. She didn’t blame them. They didn’t know it, but she had lied to them about why she needed a new place to stay. She said the friend she was living with was moving up north, and Rae needed a way to reestablish herself in her home state before Lily was born. Telling them about Viv’s murder would only scare them, and they had already been through a lot with Katelyn.

It was exhausting being vague in answering Marilyn’s questions, and Rae was thankful when the front door opened, and she heard little footsteps running throughout the house looking for them. Rae’s throat tightened when Katelyn ran into the guest bedroom where Marilyn was sitting on the floor helping to reassemble the crib for Lily. It had beenover six months, and the girl already looked different. Taller, maybe, and her caramel curls were a little longer.

She was sure she looked different to Katelyn, too, now heavily pregnant with her hair dyed a darker shade. But, no, Katelyn smiled at her and whispered, “Angel lady.”

“Hello, Katelyn.” Rae didn’t want to cry and frighten the girl, but she couldn’t help it. She was so happy to see her alive and thriving. “I love your pink dress.”

Katelyn did a spin in her frilly dress, which looked way too fancy to wear to school. “Mommy said I could wear it today because you were coming.”

“It’s very pretty, like you. Is it okay if I give you a hug?”

Katelyn nodded and ran up to her, arms wide. So trusting. She pictured Katelyn on the Santa Monica Pier, Maria luring her away with promises of ice cream, and Rae hugged her tighter.

Ben suddenly filled the doorway to the bedroom, watching Rae hug his daughter. Something in his expression made her uneasy, and she let go of Katelyn.

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