Page 12 of Holiday Haven

“Yes.” Logically she knew he was right. “But that doesn't make it any easier, knowing one of your patients might die.”

“You're right. Especially at such a young age. Denny has barely had a chance to live his life.” Adam’s green eyes glittered with pain. She was taken aback by his fierce expression and the rawness of his tone. “There needs to be a rule—babies should never die.”

CHAPTERFOUR

When Krista's eyes filled with concern, Adam mentally kicked himself for allowing her to see his pain. Normally he didn't have a problem keeping his emotions in check but today it seemed he'd stretched his limits. Krista’s kindness made it all too easy to let go, even though he knew better.

He glanced at the rather lopsided Christmas tree in the corner of the lounge, not far from Joy's room. The holiday season didn't help—Denny's young face had reminded him too much of his stillborn son.

“Adam?” Krista put her hand on his arm. “Are you all right? Should we go someplace to talk?”

Her earnest expression warmed his heart. He pulled himself together, giving his head a decisive shake. “No, I'm fine. I'd like to check on Joy, she's the bright spot in this day, don't you think?”

She flashed an uncertain smile and dropped her hand. “Yes, I do.”

He missed her touch but told himself to get over it as he led the way into the baby's room. Joy was sitting in an infant seat on top of the crib mattress, no doubt because she just finished eating. He logged into the computer to read her chart and noted the amount listed on the intake and output form. “Two ounces.” He grinned with a sense of satisfaction. “She's finally taking more nourishment.”

“That's wonderful.” She headed over to the baby, unbuckling the straps of the infant seat then lifting Joy against her shoulder. “Her breathing is better, too. Looking at the monitor, her pulse ox reading is in the mid-nineties.”

“I see that.” He couldn't argue with her assessment. For a moment he watched her, noticing how she held the baby with a natural grace. He was struck by how different she was from her older sister. Danielle may have been stunningly gorgeous, but she'd loved going out, dancing and drinking in her quest to have fun. She had not been thrilled about being pregnant with their baby. She'd claimed she wasn't ready to be a mother, that she had her whole life ahead of her. The way Krista brushed her cheek against Joy's soft crown, he couldn't imagine her saying anything like that.

The flash of desire irked him. He tore his gaze from the image of Krista holding Joy and forced himself to review the rest of Joy's medical record. Her blood cultures were back and the antibiotics he'd ordered provided the exact coverage he needed. Her cerebral spinal fluid was clear and there was no sign of infection there, either. Everything was going according to plan.

The baby had turned the corner medically, that was for sure. In a few days Joy would be medically stable for discharge. Assessing her hearing loss may give him a little more time, but he'd have to meet with the social worker. Very soon.

“So how has your family been, Adam?” Krista asked.

He was surprised at the abrupt change in subject. “Fine. Alec married Jillian back in September, and last April, my sister Amber married Nick.” Looking back, he was grateful that he and Danielle hadn't made the mistake of getting married. They'd simply been too different.

In hindsight, it was easy to admit he hadn't loved her. Not the way a man was supposed to love his wife.

The way his father loved his mother.

The knowledge only fueled his guilt. His fault. The accident and everything that had followed had been his fault.

“Ah, that explains why Alec looked so happy when I saw him walking down the hall yesterday.”

“He is.” Shoving the never ending guilt aside, he tried to focus on something else. Like the possibility of finding Joy’s mother. He needed to get in touch with his brother, to see if Alec had any leads. Time was running out and he didn't want the baby to be lost in the foster care system. Especially if she was deaf. There had to be some way to find Joy's mother. To make sure once and for all that foster care was the only option.

“Danielle sent me an e-mail a couple days ago. She's doing really well too.” Krista’s voice was bright, cheerful. “She absolutely loves her new job in London.”

How could they find Joy’s mother? Maybe by looking through birth records to see how many baby girls have been born with the first name of Joy. That tactic would only work if Joy's mother had given birth in Milwaukee. And they didn't have an exact birth date to go by either. Preoccupied, he nodded. “Good for her. I'm glad Danielle is happy.”

“Really?” Krista’s surprised expression made him frown.

“Yes. Really.” Did she think he harbored ill feelings toward her sister? He hastened to reassure her. “Danielle and I—we wanted different things out of life. Our break-up was mutual.” He didn't miss the roller coaster ride of a relationship with Danielle but he did grieve the loss of their child. The baby hadn't had a chance at eighteen weeks gestation—there had been no way to save him.

He'd wanted a funeral, but Danielle refused. She didn't want anyone to know about the miscarriage. He'd given in, mostly because talking about losing his son had been too painful. So he had never said a word, not even to his family. And from what he could tell, Danielle hadn't told her own sister either. What would Krista think if she knew the role he'd played in his son's death?

“That's what Danielle said,” Krista admitted, carrying on the conversation as if he wasn't preoccupied with his guilt. “I miss her, but she's living the life she's always wanted.”

Yeah, he could certainly believe that. Danielle hadn't wanted the baby, yet after the miscarriage she'd furiously blamed him for the accident and for the loss of their child. Then she’d ended things with him. He hadn’t protested, knowing that there was no way to mend their broken relationship. Besides, she’d been right about how it had been his fault. If he hadn't been arguing with her over the future of their child, he might have seen the truck barreling through the intersection, heading straight toward them.

He should have been able to avoid the crash.

The sound of Christmas music interrupted his troublesome thoughts. Hospital carolers, he realized as their singing grew louder.

Krista carried Joy to the doorway, humming along with the songWinter Wonderland. He followed, wondering where she was planning to spend the holiday. He wasn't sure Danielle would fly home from London, since neither of them had been close to their relatives.

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