Page 23 of Trails of Temptation

“That’s what all the tequila was for, I reckon,” Grant said with a lopsided smile that didn’t meet his eyes. He was mad at George, I could tell, which made the dinner even more tense than it already was. Was it because of me? Did Grant know?

Oh God, I hoped not. I was already torn up and embarrassed as it was. The last thing I needed was Grant and Moira coddling me when I did this to myself.

I steeled my expression, trying not to cry as I toyed with my mashed potatoes. I barely touched any of the food. I was watching everyone closely, waiting for my moment to break away from the table and start dishing up the strawberry shortbread and homemade vanilla ice cream I’d made for dessert.

I just needed a minute alone, away from all of them. Away from George.

The second Grant put his fork down I shot up like a rocket and rushed from the table into the kitchen, holding my breath the entire time.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry!

I scooped ice cream like my life depended on it and carried the plates to the table, plastering ahopefullyconvincing smile on my face as I sat back down.

“I could’ve done that for you, Keely,” Grant said, smiling at me from across the table. Moira had been shooting me sympathetic looks all evening. I probably looked absolutely pathetic right now. I was sure my eyes were red and bloodshot and the fake smile I was sporting was nothing but a tight, twitching line.

“Scooping the ice cream was my workout for the day,” I croaked, then cleared my throat. When was the last time I’d even used my voice today? Probably when I was screaming George’s name…

I looked up at him without meaning to and quickly looked away. He’d been looking right at me, looking right through to my soul. That look on his face damn near broke me as I slowly rose from the table again and started clearing away the dishes. I couldn’t stand here for another minute. I didn’t even want dessert.

Howdarehe feel sorry for me. Howdarehe look at me with sympathy and regret in his eyes.

I ran the water in the sink on full blast to drown out the sound of Grant helping Moira up from the table a little while later. I barely heard Grant asking Day to help his mother up to her room. I went back into the dining room to clear the rest of the table only to find Grant and George still seated and talking in hushed tones.

“Let me help you—” Grant started as I brushed pasted them, but I shook my head, keeping my eyes downcast on the dishes I was gathering.

“Maybe take this conversation to your office so I can wipe down the table?” I squeaked, hating the way my voice broke over the words. I caught the look Grant gave George just before I turned and carried the rest of the dishes into the kitchen and held perfectly still until I heard their footsteps retreating through the living room and up the stairs.

Everyone in this house must be thinking I was losing my goddamn mind. Moira and her baby should be the focus, not me. Not some sniffling, heartbroken woman in her thirties who had wasted her entire life pining over a man who couldn’t reciprocate those feelings, let alone have any feelingsat all.

I let the tears fall as I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed until the palms of my hands were raw and aching.

I was a mess. I hadn’t realized how much George meant to me until things went too far. And it was my fault completely. I’d wanted to seduce him, thinking there was no way he could possibly turn me down. I’d known he’d be uncomfortable with it because of my brother, his best friend since childhood. I was the one who crossed the boundaries that he’d drawn.

I was the problem. I’d always been the problem.

“Keely, don’t worry about the dishes, please,” Grant said from the archway leading into the kitchen. It was dark here with the overhead light off and only the stove light on in the room. “I can do them in the morning. In fact, I’ll make breakfast tomorrow so you can sleep in.”

Please don’t feel sorry for me. This is my own doing.

“It’s okay, really. I don’t mind,” I whispered, trying not to choke on the words. I heard Grant shift his weight like he was preparing to argue, but he didn’t.

“Goodnight, then. Thank you for all you’re doing for us. We really appreciate you, you know.”

I didn’t turn around as he left. I wanted to slam my fist against the counter but refrained. I couldn’t run out on Grant and Moira. I actually enjoyed this job more than I’d enjoyed anything else I’d ever done, other than teaching. I’d always wanted to run my own house, cook for my family, raise my children at home until they reached school aged and I could go back to work, maybe even at the same school they went to.

This place and these people felt like home, and that was what hurt the most.

I’d never have these things and I especially wouldn’t have them with the man I was so in love with that it was killing me. That same man was still upstairs talking his boss, who was also his friend, and likely knew all about what had happened between us now.

I hated that. But what I hated the most was that George was obviously having a hard time with this too for reasons he wasn’t going to ever explain to me.

I spent the next twenty minutes cleaning the dining room and kitchen, even though it didn’t need it. I swept and mopped the floors before turning off all the lights downstairs. I stood in the darkness for a moment before going out on the back deck and breathing in the cool night air. Fireflies danced in the hedges along the house, and one of the exterior lights on the stables in the distance was flickering.

This was a beautiful place. I regretted that it would always carrying the memory of this morning. I hated that it would always remind me of George, and what could have been.What would never be.

At least I could admit to myself that I loved him. I did, and still do. Maybe that was enough for me, and the memory of this morning could carry me for a while. I’d always wanted to know what it felt like to kiss him. I’d always been curious about how his big, roughly calloused hands would feel on my skin. Now I knew, and that was that.

Time to move on.

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