Page 44 of Gabriel's Angel

“I’m not offended,” Laura said stiffly. “But I don’t see the purpose in discussing what used to be.”

“Until you look what used to be square in the face, you won’t be able to go on with what might be.” She tried to keep her voice brisk, but even her solid composure wavered. “I know that Tony Eagleton abused you, and that his parents overlooked what was monstrous, even criminal, behavior. My heart breaks for you.”

“Please.” Her voice was strangled as she shook her head. “Don’t.”

“No sympathy allowed, Laura, even woman-to-woman?”

Again she shook her head, afraid to accept it and, more, to need it “I can’t bear to think back on it. And I can’t stand pity.”

“Sympathy and pity are entirely different things.”

“All that’s behind me. I’m a different person than I was then.”

“I have no way of agreeing, as I didn’t know you before. But I can say that anyone who stood on her own all these months must have great reserves of strength and determination. Isn’t it time you used them, and fought back?”

“I have fought back.”

“You’ve taken sanctuary, a much-needed one. I won’t argue that running as you did took courage and stamina. But there comes a time to take a stand.”

Hadn’t she said that to herself time and time again? Hadn’t she hated herself for only saying it? She looked at her son, who gurgled and reached for the colorful birds circling over his head.

“And what? Go to court, to the press, drag the whole ugly mess out for everyone to gawk at?”

“If necessary.” Her voice took on a tone of pride that carried to all corners of the room. “The Bradleys aren’t afraid of scandal.”

“I’m not a—”

“But you are,” Amanda told her. “You’re a Bradley, and so is that child. It’s Michael I’m thinking of in the long run, but I’m also thinking of you. What difference does it make what anyone thinks, what anyone knows? You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I let it happen,” Laura said, with a kind of dull fury. “I’ll always be ashamed of that.”

“My dear child.” Unable to prevent herself, Amanda rose to put her arms around Laura. After the first shock, Laura felt herself being drawn in. Perhaps it was because the comfort came from a woman, but it broke down her defences as nothing else ever had.

Amanda let her weep, even wept with her. The fact that she did, that she could, was more soothing than any words could have been. Cheek-to-cheek, woman-to-woman, they held each other until the storm passed. The bond that Laura had never expected to know was forged in tears. With her arm still around Laura, Amanda led her to the gaily striped daybed.

“That’s been coming on for a while, I’d say,” Amanda murmured. She drew a lace-edged handkerchief out of her breast pocket and unashamedly wiped her eyes.

“I don’t know.” Laura used the back of her wrist to smear away already-drying tears. “I suppose. Crying isn’t something I should need, not anymore. It’s only when I look back and remember.”

“Now listen to me,” Amanda said. All the softness had been erased from her voice. “You were young and alone, and you have nothing, nothing, to be ashamed of. One day you’ll realize that for yourself, but for now it might be enough to know you’re not alone anymore.”

“Sometimes I’m so angry, just so angry that I was used as a convenience, or a punching bag, or a status symbol.” It was amazing to her that fury could bring calm and wipe out pain. “When I am I know that no matter what it costs I’ll never go back to that.”

“Then stay angry.”

“But... the anger for me, that’s personal.” She looked across the room at the crib. “It’s when I think of Michael and I know they’re going to try to take him... then I’m afraid.”

“They don’t just have to go through you now, do they?”

Laura looked back. Amanda’s face was set. Her eyes glittered So this was where Gabe got his warrior look, Laura thought, and felt a new kind of love stir. It was the most natural thing in the world for Laura to reach out and take her hand. “No, they don’t.”

They both heard the door open and close on the first floor. Immediately Laura began to brush her hands over her face. “That must be Gabe, home from the gallery. I don’t want him to see me like this.”

“I’ll go down and keep him occupied.” On impulse, she glanced at her watch. “Do you have plans for this afternoon?”

“No. Just to—”

“Good. Come down when you’re tidied up.”

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