Page 27 of The Playboy

The answer was stress. That feeling—that ball of tightness in my chest, the debilitating grip it had on me and wouldn’t let go, no matter what—that was why I went.

Why I went alone.

Why I stood on that stage—I didn’t have to answer questions or think about my responsibilities or focus on anything aside from movement and the way the music pulsed through my body.

“And whatever that reason is—the one you’re keeping from us—it’s making me really worried,” Clementine said from the living room/bedroom.

I wasn’t shocked that our voices had carried in there.

I rolled my eyes, swishing water around in my mouth.

And as my oldest sister joined us, she ran her hands through her do—currently a bleached-blonde pixie cut that was spiked in all directions, from either the way she was pulling on it now or from the pillow she’d been lying on. Clem treated her hair like wall paint, constantly changing the shade. It had been a rainbow of colors over the years. Recently, she’d started playing with the shape and length, doing it all herself.

Now that they were both about to interrogate me, I hauled myself up onto the only section of non-cluttered counter space and set my glass between my legs.

If I didn’t put out this fire, it would spread.

Quickly.

I knew too well how my sisters operated.

“Listen to me,” I began. “There’s no reason for either of you to worry. I go, I dance for a couple of hours, I come home.”

What little space their bodies didn’t take up in the small room, their personalities did. Their presence filling every bit of open air.

“Really, there’s nothing more to it.”

I’d been going to the club for the last couple of months. I wasn’t sure why they were suddenly making it a bigger deal than it was.

“One of the servers at our restaurant just got assaulted the other night. She was at that bar near the Lihue Airport—you know the place I’m talking about.” She waited for me to nod. “Every time I’ve seen you since, I kept forgetting to tell you. And now, you went to the club again. Alone—again.”

So, this was what Jess had been talking about when she mentioned getting mugged—or worse.

“It’s the alone part that’s really worrisome,” Clem said.

“It’s the alone part that I love the most,” I whispered.

Clem moved directly in front of me after eating Jess’s last fry and put her hands on my thighs. “What’s going on, Little One?”

A nickname I’d had since birth because I had been born a preemie.

“Let’s see,” I sighed. “I have two months until I graduate.” I attempted to fill my lungs again, but they already felt like they were at capacity. Tight. A swish of anxiety plowed through me as I mentally tallied everything I needed to accomplish from now until then. “I have a slew of projects, papers, and tests coming up. Everything needs to be wrapped up by the end of the semester, and then I have to study for finals, which are going to kick my ass. Mom and Dad will be flying in for my graduation, and this house needs to be cleaned and decluttered by then so they have room to sleep.” I gave them a glare, letting them know they’d be helping with that part. “And the second that’s all over, I have to start the job search.”

Jess’s dark brows rose high. “You’re not going to stay working at—”

“No.”

That was the part that not only ate at me, but also used fangs while it was biting.

Jess set the empty box on top of the trash—a bag that was already far too full and needed to be put in the can out front, so the to-go container balanced on a cereal box that was threatening to fall at any second. “I thought you were going to apply for a new role there? Or promotion?”

My job.

Thirty hours a week, and I hated every one of them. Not because the actual position was horrible, but because the company I worked for didn’t take me seriously. I was twenty-two, a student. Someone who had no experience in any area of life, so what did I know, according to them?

“I’ve applied for other roles within the company—countless times. I’m always passed up. So, I’m moving on. Screw them.”

“Why don’t you just leave now?” Clem suggested. “Give yourself a little breathing room before school ends and wrap up everything you need to. This way, you’re not so overwhelmed.” She twirled a lock of my hair around her finger, doing the same to the other side, and pulled at the ends, like she was checking to see if both were the identical length. “That’ll give you a lot more time to concentrate on school, and when you’re free from that responsibility, you can start applying for jobs.”

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