Page 115 of The Playboy

“Just … me.” I tried to think of the exact feeling that had been in my body when I took the last glance at myself before I was picked up for the interview. “Like this afternoon, when I was in the hotel, I was looking at the dress my sisters had helped me choose. I was so grateful that I had options, and they were all amazing, and worrying about my outfit was one less thing I had to think about.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Your level of kindness is something I’ve never felt or experienced before.”

His smile made everything inside me tingle. “That’s what you were thinking when you were looking in the mirror earlier?”

“Yes.”

His chuckle was a smooth sound that seemed to vibrate through the water, sending waves across my legs. “You’re something else.”

He was right about that.

And what he was, was perfect.

His nakedness allowed me to take in the dips in his chest and the cords of muscle across his arms and shoulders and his etched abs, the fiery reflection allowing me to see them at certain angles under the water. His skin was silky as he held me, and as I adjusted my position, circling both legs around him, I could feel the tip of his hard-on.

And because I was naked, too, I felt it on a spot where it would take one small push and he would be inside me.

“I can feel how badly you want me.”

He brushed his beard over my cheek. “I’m hard every single time I’m around you. This is what you always do to me.”

“Yet the last two times we were together, you only kissed me and fingered me.” Those tingles turned to flames as they licked through my body when I recalled how I’d felt during each of those occasions. “We’d already slept together by then, Macon, so why didn’t you take things further?”

A question that had haunted me both times after I returned home.

He hesitated before he said, “I wanted you to know I was in this for more than my gratification. You’re not just someone I want to sleep with. And since sex can make things complicated, I didn’t want to add to what you were already feeling.”

I knew he cared. I felt it. But to hear his reasoning, I felt it even more.

I slowly exhaled. “Because I keep telling you how muddy my life is …” My famous line that, every time I spoke it, seemed to drive an even bigger wedge between us.

He traced the hair around my ear. “Yes, that.”

“And you think if you sleep with me, my brain will intertwine you and Spade Hotels.”

His hand stilled. “You told me you couldn’t separate us, and since the interview was going to happen soon—and just did—that was going to make things even more realistic.” He paused. “Break this down with me, Brooklyn. I fingered you a couple of days ago. You interviewed at my family’s company today. You’re with me now, naked. That’s quite a few layers to work through.”

It made perfect sense. I’d told him I was using the times we’d slept together as an escape, to completely unplug. Maybe that had been the case at the time, maybe I just hadn’t realized what it actually was, but it wasn’t like that now.

He needed to understand that.

“When you’re with me”—my hand went on top of his—“that’s when I feel the closest to you.”

His words, when talking about the way he felt about me, were always so naughty. I wanted to give him a piece of that, to let him hear what it sounded like in my voice.

“When you’re inside me, when your moans are in my ears, when I get to feel you come, there’s this bond that happens between us. It makes us closer. It makes me want so much more.” I took a breath, attempting to calm the flutters that were on the verge of exploding.

“Yes, I’ve used those physical times to unplug, but not in the way you think.” I pushed my fingers into his skin, wanting him to feel the meaning behind these words, not just hear them. “I was unplugging from my life and plugging straight into yours.” I took a breath. “It was my life that I wanted to forget, not my time with you.” I pressed my nose against his. “I want this. I just want to take things slow.”

A speed I couldn’t move beyond until I came clean. I wasn’t about to do that tonight, not while I was in his arms, unclothed, with his dick rubbing against me.

During the silence, I ran my thumb across his lips, and after I backed up a few inches, I deepened our stares. “When I say I’m the happiest, now, with you, I mean that with everything I have, Macon.”

“You just need time …”

“Yes.” I swallowed, filling my cheeks with air and gradually releasing it. “Time to figure this all out in my head—graduating from college, finishing up my job, wrapping up my life on Kauai, saying good-bye to my family, and moving to LA if I get the position at Spade Hotels.” And if I didn’t, the start of a very daunting job search. “There’s a ton of change on the horizon. Things I’ve worked so hard for. That’s why I’ve been scared to add you into my life, for fear that I’ll lose my focus and the only thing I’ll concentrate on is you.”

The list that I’d rattled off didn’t include telling him the truth, which was one of the first things I had to do before considering any of the others.

Oh God.

---