Page 22 of Ribbons and Role Play

And possibly more than whole if our unprotected sex has consequences. Am I finally ready to admit that Fantasy Wendy was right?

It’s a dangerous thought, made even worse by how quickly I come and how quickly I pull his release from him. I’m limp in his embrace. I’m completely at their mercy. I’ve surrendered and I’m happy.

Physically we’re perfect together. But a relationship has to be more than a physical connection. We need to be friends too. And we are. We have to respect our differences. And we do. But I thought that with he-who-won’t-be-named. It was too perfect, just like this. Well, notjustlike this.

Axel whispers. “I love you, Wendy.”

Knight joins him, “Damn, I love you, Wendy.”

Nova looks away. His chest expands and releases. He faces me, and his words are intentional. “I love you, Wendy.”

It all happens so fast, I can’t stop them before they all say it. Anxiety wells inside of me. How can they know they love me? What even is love? And why did Nova have to say it? Is his declaration proof that we’re moving too fast like he’s always done?

The intimacy comes crashing down. The bright light of the full moon shines like a glaring spotlight in my eyes, exposing me, blinding me. I’m uncomfortable. I turn my face away, unable to defend myself.

Only one other man than my father has said he loved me. He didn’t loveme, no matter how good it felt to hear his words.

“Untie me.”

“Hey, hey. Slow down.” Axel grips me with both hands.

I twist my shoulders. “Untie me now.”

“We will. Calm down.”

Knight takes control. His hand around my wrist is met with sudden freedom as the ribbon falls free. “What’s wrong?”

“This isn’t love. This is lust and sex and… Just let me go.”

Nova looks sick as he turns, walking away from us.

Axel says, “I thought we were—”

“You can’t say love. That’s not what this is.”

The hurt in their expressions tells me I might be wrong.

Axel wraps an arm around my shoulder as Knight helps me get my clothes on. No one’s worried about the cum dripping down my leg. No one needs to be. The worst problem is what’s left inside of me and what they put inside of me previously.

I am just a foolish girl. My dad was right. I’m too screwed up to trust that people can love me.

Fourteen

Nova

Iknewbetterthanto say those three little fucking words. Why couldn’t I keep my damn mouth shut?

Anger flows through my veins. Why did I storm away from them? My bike was right there. My hands itch to grab the handlebars, rev the throttle, and put miles between us.

Wendy’s going to break my heart.

Reaching in my pocket, freedom is offered by the small metal key. I pull it out, ready to ride. Ready to be anywhere but here. Ready to…

I turn toward my bike and see Wendy. I see her pain. Something happens inside my chest. She’s as hurt as I am. We’re all pawns in someone else’s game.

I step toward my bike. Toward freedom. Just get on. That’s all I have to do to escape this shitshow. She made it clear she doesn’t want to go public with our relationship. We’re just fun to her. Even her goddamn roller derby name proves it. She just plays roles, pretends, and has her fun and leaves.

My chest tightens. I press my hand into my shirt, but the pain doesn’t let up. Fuck! Am I having a heart attack?

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