Page 20 of Ribbons and Role Play

“We have to make risk assessments, right, Dad? I’ve listened. I’ve learned things. Just give me a chance to sort myself out.”

He smiles when I say risk assessment.

“That’s what your mother said. I have to give you time. I’ll do it, but I can’t guarantee which position I’ll have open for you whenever you decide to come back.”

“Dad, I need you to be my father, not my employer. I need someone I can turn to when I have questions about life, when I need support, when I feel like everyone turns against me.”

“That’s hard for me. I’m not the emotional type.”

“Can you just be there to listen? You listened to mom and you’re on the phone with me, that’s a start.”

He smiles. “I suppose I can commit to listening. I do love you, Wendy.”

“I know you do, in your own way, but not working together will be the best way to nurture that.”

Nikki rolls into the locker room. “Five-minute call.”

“Sorry, Dad. I’ve got to go. We can talk later.”

“I’ll have my people call you and set up a time.”

“No, Dad, we’re not going to have our people talk. We’re going to do it.” For the first time, my dad might truly respect that I’m not his property.

How damaging will my secret relationship be if he finds out?

Twelve

Axel

WeshowedupforWendy’s roller derby bout, but in the interest of making it less obvious, we invited the whole MC. It was pretty easy to convince the rest of the gang to come watch girls in spandex get rough and sweaty with each other.

“Our sister’s off-limits,” I remind my brothers. Not my birth brothers, my found family of brothers in the MC. “She’s number twenty-three, Roll Play.”

It’s hard enough for me to share her with my brothers. I want her to myself.

Catcalls and general rowdiness erupt as the derby girls take the track. They joke about my claim, but I know they heard me.

I get lost in thought. Her derby name…Roll Play. She likes pretending. Is that because she’s been escaping the reality of her world, even if just subconsciously knowing she wasn’t loved for herself? It hurts. How the hell does she deal with it?

Is there similarity to how I get caught in my head, missing things that are right in front of me?

I want to ride home and tell Dad to apologize for everything he ever said that made her think she wasn’t enough, and to give her job back. But mostly, I want to take Wendy in my arms and hold her, protect her from the world.

Could I do that with Knight and Nova by my side? We could make sure she’s safe to be herself. Nobody fucking judging her or telling her what to do, and with the extended family of the rest of the MC, she’d never be at risk.

Watching her skate and crash into other women, the intensity on her face is insane. It’s a little reminiscent of when she was younger and would try to get a toy that we were keeping from her. She still has an innocence about her, but she’s jaded.

Rightly so. I fucking hate everyone who’s done that to her. I can’t think about it.

My eyes are glued to my sweet princess, Roll Play, as a member of the other team makes an illegal move and shoves her out of bounds. My girl is smart. She knows how to fall. I hate that she’s had to learn that.

Shit. I’m all messed up. She chooses to learn that so she can skate safely. She doesn’t need me there to catch her, to protect my little sister.

I wish I could get a better read on her. It terrifies me that our relationship doesn’t feel superficial to me, yet I’m not sure how she sees it. After the wedding fiasco, we might never be able to break down her walls and convince her that love can be different.

Sitting in the bleachers with Nova and Knight, knowing that they feel the same for her as I do, and the rest of our club surrounding us, I realize that what works about this is that we are willing to share her.

That’s what works in our club. We share responsibility for each other. In that light, it’s fine to want Knight and Nova to be part of the relationship. We’ll share responsibility for Wendy.

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