Page 19 of Ribbons and Role Play

There’s no way I can let her go.

Eleven

Wendy

Braidingribbonsintomyhair, I get ready for the special Christmas fundraiser roller derby bout.

My legs are weak after an evening with my brothers, but if that had been a real interview, it would be safe to say I’d get hired. The question is if I want to be hired…as their girlfriend. Is that what I’d be? Or just fuck toy?

I keep trying to tell myself that’s all I want—Brothers with benefits. Fantasy Wendy keeps interrupting to insist that I commit.

My video messaging app rings. It’s Dad. I quickly get to the end of my braid and tie a bow around the end. I forgot that we’d connected on here before.

Deciding to stand up for myself has been a big move for me, and if I’m going to do that, I might as well talk to Dad now. If we can repair our relationship, great. If he can’t see that what he did is wrong, I’ll get my frustrations out during the bout.

“Hi, Dad,” I say.

“Wendy.” He nods.

I take a deep breath. Don’t let it get to me that he’s impersonal. He’s never been personable. “I only have a few minutes. I have a roller derby bout, but I want to talk to you.”

“Since you mentioned roller derby, are you still doing that?”

Duh. “Yes, it’s very important to me, Dad. We do charity work, plus it’s great exercise.”

“It’s not appropriate for a woman to go out and act like that.”

“My teammates disagree.” It’s a bold move for me to say that, but I feel supported now that my brothers are on my side. “It’s one of the many roles I play in this world. If you want to judge me, then we can end the call right now.” I reach for the End Call button.

“Wait, don’t hang up. Your mother and I have talked and she asked me to make amends with you.”

“Okay.” I’m cautious since the call got off to a bad start.

“This is me officially saying that I can see how you would be unhappy about the marriage. You aren’t old enough to understand how difficult the business world is and the importance of family legacies. That you wouldn’t want to beused. That’s your mother’s word. I could have been clearer with you at the outset about why my friend was interested in you.”

I take a second. Does he believe this is an apology? “Used…yes. And worse, traded, treated like property…”

“It doesn’t sound great when you put it like that, but when you’re older you’ll understand love is overrated. But with skilled negotiating on my part, the partnership talks are continuing. He’d still prefer that you be involved, but if you refuse, he will still consider partnering with our company. He sees the value in what I’ve built even if you don’t.”

“Dad, this isn’t an apology. You tried to sell my virginity?”

“What on earth are you talking about, Wendy? How would I know if you’re a virgin?”

Shit. This is embarrassing. “Oops, that one’s on me. I drew a conclusion.”

“Did he try…” My father’s voice wavers with a shred of decency.

“No. Never.” Oh boy, that makes the auction thing a ridiculous choice. Good thing we don’t have to discuss that.

“Good. I’ve built myself up from nothing and I don’t want you to have to do the same.”

The sad truth is that as angry as I am with my dad, I still love him. I know that he means well. He’ll have to earn his spot in my life though.

“Maybe I don’t mind doing the same. I need to learn who I am, and it’s not a contract bride. I’m a human. I’m your daughter. I need time to get to know myself with or without you.”

“I can agree to those terms.”

Those terms? I stick that irritation in the front of my brain where I can pluck it out to use during the bout. But guilt pangs inside of me for not telling him the full story. I try to speak on his terms.

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