Chapter 34
LANCE
It’snight,andwe’regoing to bed. After Sheryl left, Chasmin was in a foul mood and withdrew from me. I wonder what the two women discussed that had shaken her this much. I’m still trying to understand Pearl’s claim that I’m the one who got her pregnant. I doubt if I ever touched her, but a nagging voice keeps asking, what if? If she’s telling the truth, I must accept the child. The problem now is how to tell Chasmin without causing an argument. I’d rather have this prospect buried than let Chasmin be bothered by it.
My sister, Marie, has also informed me of the news floating in media circles about me having another child on the way. I consider this to be Pearl’s work. She must have a hidden agenda, similar to Claudette. Why do I have such bad luck with the women from my past? Or is Pearl Claudette’s foil for me?
Chasmin exits the closet, wearing pink pajamas, her hair in a purple bonnet. She rubs her hands together, rubbing her lotion generously on them. I watch from the other side of the bed, seeing her breasts swaying mesmerizingly in her pajamas. I’d have preferred the news of a pregnancy from Chasmin rather than some random woman I can’t trust.
I get in bed, exhausted from all that’s been going on. She gets in bed, pulls the duvet to her waist, and turns her back to me. She turns off the bedside lamp. I furrow my eyebrows. Chasmin has never acted this way before. “What’s going on with you?” I ask. For a moment, no reply comes from her. She just presses her head further into the pillow and mutters something. “Chasmin?”
She gives me the cold shoulder, and I’m stunned. I fold my arms; unable to keep myself still, I touch her arm. She shrugs my hand away and moves to the other side of the bed, drawing closer to the edge. We stay silent, not talking. The only noise that fills the room is the sound of my breath. My thoughts drift for a while until her voice breaks the silence, like a knife cutting butter. “Don’t you have anything to tell me?” Her question edges too close to what I’m trying to keep from her. Does she know?
“What do you mean? You've been acting strange ever since your friend left. Talk to me, Chasmin.” She doesn’t reply. A minute later, I hear the sound of her sobbing. I sit up and draw closer to her. She doesn’t move away, yet she doesn’t express wanting to be in my arms.
“At least she tells me the truth. You can’t tell me that you’ve gotten someone pregnant after all we’ve been through, Lance.” She gets off the bed and rounds it to me. I can’t see her clearly, but I can hear the hurt and shock in her voice. Her words hit me like blows. Sheryl told her, and I’m stumped that she got the news before it was released.
“Chasmin, the situation is a bit complicated, and I’m working it out. I’d have told you in due time when I was sure she was telling the truth.” I get out of bed, moving to her. My eyes are now accustomed to the darkness, and I see the tear tracks on her cheeks. I twinge. I hate seeing women cry, especially the woman I care about. Now, I’m the cause of her hurt.
“I’m not a kid, Lance. I understand complicated things. Who is she and when did you guys meet?” Her voice is thick with emotion. She wipes her cheeks angrily, stepping away from me. She turns on the lights; they hurt my eyes. I shield my eyes until I can see properly.
“Her name is Pearl. We met at a club a month before I met you. She came around while you were at your mom’s. She claims that I got her pregnant. I can’t remember having any relations with her other than dancing at the club. Believe me when I tell you that her claim is dubious and can’t be believed.” Chasmin doesn’t react and looks skeptical. She brushes past me and takes her phone. “What are you doing?”
“I need my space. I can’t be around you now.”
“Chasmin, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. This woman, Pearl, and her lies are causing a rift between us. Stay, please.” She pulls away as if scared of my touch. That hurts a great deal.
“We promised each other to be honest and tell each other everything. You didn’t lie to me, Lance, but you kept this from me. It isn’t something you can sweep under the carpet. So, what if you’ve been with other women? I haven’t held that against you, but for you to keep this from me just shows how much you don’t value me. You have had several chances, Lance. I can’t be in this relationship if you select what truths to tell me and which ones to hide. Excuse me.” She leaves the room before I can reply and slams the door behind her.
I want to shout and punch something. The best I can do is punch a pillow. I have no one else to blame but myself. Returning to bed, I fight myself from going after her. I should give her space till we’re both calm and can talk reasonably. It takes a long time before I can fall asleep.
The next morning at the dining table is a strange experience. Chasmin will only talk to Eric or the cook. She won’t look at me or acknowledge me with a word. That irks me, but I keep my anger in check due to Eric’s presence. When the nanny takes him away, I draw Chasmin into the living room. She tugs her arm from my grip.
“What has gotten into you? I understand being angry, but ignoring me I won’t accept. Do you want me to apologize? Say that I’m wrong on my knees? Will that please you?”
She grunts as she points a finger at me. “I don’t need your show of insincerity if you’re afraid of telling me the truth, even the ugly one. I had the whole night to think, and I have come to realize that I can’t deal with this. I keep asking myself, does he have a secret family? How many more women have you gotten pregnant who have your kids? It makes me wonder if…” She seems to be struggling with the words. I brace myself, knowing her next ones might hurt me. “If you can’t keep it in your pants.”
“Is that it? Insult me because you can’t deal with the fact that I possibly have another child with another woman? I didn’t cheat, woman!” I retort firmly, flinging my hands in the air.
“You are not listening to me! I love and accept Eric. I don’t care if you have another child with a different woman. I’m scared and unsure where I stand. Will I become a babysitting mom who takes care of all your kids from other women? Or will I wake up one day and find that you have a family with another woman who is more important to you. Lance, you leave me with more doubts than answers.”
I crash into a seat, clutching at tufts of my hair. This has spiraled beyond control. “We can’t keep dealing with your insecurity any time we have a disagreement, Chasmin. I don’t have some secret family out there. Where in hell are you getting such an idea? Is Sheryl feeding you all this? You’re the only woman in my life. Why can’t you understand it?”
“What about the other women who don’t matter? You know what, don’t answer that. I’ve had enough; we need a break.”
“You mean you need a break,” I shoot back.
She clenches jaw, thrusting it out arrogantly. “I need time to think if this is worth it. I’ll be staying with Mom in the meantime. Don’t come for me. I’ll reach out when I’m ready.” She turns to leave.
“Stop! You can’t just walk out on me. What’s coming over you?” I head to her. She stops when she sees me following her and walks faster. She takes her jacket off the couch and heads to the door. I reach it before her and block her path.
“Don’t try to stop me, Lance. You know where I’m going, and I might be back.” She stares at me, pleading, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Please, let me go.”
I step out of her path; when she goes out, I follow behind and watch as she gets into the car. She doesn’t drive away immediately. I see her resting her head on the wheel, crying. When she finally drives off, the speed of the tires leaves angry drift marks in the snow. I stay out in the cold, watching the street, hoping she’ll drive back home soon. A childish fancy.
I return to the house, mad at myself and chilled to the bone. I find myself walking to the Christmas tree. I sit under it, wondering how Chasmin and I had gone from being a happy couple to one with a huge chasm existing between us.
“Dad, where’s Chasmin?” Eric’s voice echoes in the room, reminding me of her absence.