Page 87 of Ensnared

Andam instantly embarrassed by how transparent a move it is.He’llbe able to see through that with no trouble.

“Masochistsare the same,” he continues, watching me. “Somelike particular types of pain—a sting, or thud, or burn, or slice, or a combination of those or many others.Someseek out subspace, others hate it.Thereare different extremes to which they may enjoy pain...No, it’s not as simple as does or does not.”

Ifeel his gaze on me again, andIpick up my tea to buy myself some thinking time.Maybe... some of that... would be okay.

Maybe.

KnighttoB5.Jaspertakes my pawn.

Okay, he’s too strong in this position.Ichange the subject again.

“Henrycraved his parents’ approval as much asIcraved his—butIalso thinkIwas the only person who had ever looked up to him, and he needed that as well.Heproposed after five months despite their dislike of me, andIcouldn’t believe it.Itfelt so romantic to me, like a dream.”Ishake my head, annoyed that my past self was ever that stupid. “Whenwe eloped, they disowned him.Hehadn’t planned on that.Hethought they would forgive him anything.Theydidn’t, and he didn’t do so well after that.”

Wedidn’t do so well after that, either.

“Yousaid he was in service,”Jaspersaid, not quite a question.

Itake a sip of my tea, then nod. “Yes, well.Hedidn’t get into anIvylike he’d planned, in the end.Hedidn’t have the grades, and without his father’s donations...”Ishrug uncomfortably. “Wesold his car to get started in a small apartment, andIworked in the local library whileIstudied.Idid receive an academic scholarship, which helped a lot.Itwasn’t what he had planned for his life.Itstill felt like luxury to me, but it was a coffin forHenry.Heresented... it.”

Istop myself from saying “me” at the last moment, andJaspercatches my gaze like he heard it anyway.

Withmy pawn,IwipeJasper’sknight off the board with a tad too much aggression. “Ithink he decided to join theArmybecause he wanted so badly to play the hero again.Thatwas always how he saw himself.”

Jaspershakes his head, andIknow what he must be thinking.It’sno reason to join the military.Insteadof replying to that, though, he takes my pawn with his bishop.

“Check,” he says calmly, andIblink, redirecting my attention to the game.

Hisbishop is in line to take my king—the jerk.Howdid he manage that?

Ignoringthe game,Jasperwaits until he has my attention. “Soominwas both my wife and my submissive, but it was years before the cracks started to show.Shewasn’t a masochist,Eden, andIwas starting to understandIneeded that.Iwanted more than her submission.Iwanted her tears and her trust.”Hepauses and sighs. “ButIwanted her to want that, mostly.Andthat wasn’t who she was.”

Thisisn’t a session.Itisn’t work.He’smeeting me halfway.Actuallytalking to me, the wayI’vewanted all of them to.Givingme his secrets.

Iwonder if he’ll tell me what’s going on with the others.Whyeveryone is so tense.

Itake my knight toD7, blocking his bishop and taking me out of check.

“Isthat why you divorced?”Iask.

Jasperbends over the board, andIsee the tension in him in the corded tendons of his lovely, careful hands. “Inpart.It... destroyed me... thatSoominfelt she wasn’t enough.Iloved her, very dearly.Iinsisted she was allIneeded, tried to make it true, but she didn’t believe me.”Headjusts the wrists of his sweater, his sharp misery coated in its inviting softness. “I’mnot sureIbelieved myself by the end.”

Myteeth tug at my lip, chest aching for him.And, ifI’mhonest, for myself, too.

“Theway you talk about it—the sadism,Imean—it sounds like a need.A... compulsion, maybe?Canyou really just switch it off like that?”Iask, already knowing the answer.

Hecouldn’t be withSoominbecause she wasn’t masochistic... ifIwantJasper, it meansI’llhave to try.Imull over what he said before, about all the different possibilities.Abouthow determined he’s been to make me comfortable.

WithJasper... maybeIcould try.

Helooks at me then.Hiseyes are shadows and sadness. “No.Ican’t.Thatdrive is part of me.”

Inone hand,Jaspercollects hisA1castle and his king and moves them toD1andC1, respectively.Ittucks his king behind his pawns and brings his castle out from where it was trapped.Myjaw drops open.

Istare up at him, outraged. “That’scheating!”

Despitehis somber expression, the corner of his mouth lifts. “No.That’scastling.”

“Youdidn’t explain that rule,”Igrit out in as even a tone asIcan muster, fuming.Thischanges the whole board!

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