Page 144 of Ensnared

Shamehas sharp teeth, it seems, and it minces my insides asIbring up yesterday’s feed from that camera on another screen.

“Damnit,look at me.Ideserve an explanation.Whatis it?FirstIthought you wantedEden, but then you broke things off with her, andIthought maybe...Butthen, withJayk, you pushed me away again, andIjust—”Luckylets out a hard, frustrated breath. “Whatisit?Isit thatI’ma man?BecauseIhate to break it to you but there’s no way you’re indifferent to me.I—”

Myfingers halt on the keys, andIcan’t help but turn to stare at him, flummoxed.

“Whatdoes you being a man have to do with anything?”

“I—”Hismouth opens, then clicks shut as he frowns at me. “Doesn’tit?”

Iquirk a brow at him, utterly at a loss to this turn in the conversation. “Wasit me jerking off that gorgeous cock of yours that made you thinkIwasn’t interested in men?Orme oiling you up and having you parade around as my most exquisite furniture?”Thatwas a particularly weak day for me. “Orwas it the wayIbent you over to see how you would take that hook up that pretty ass of yours?”Ishake my head, disbelieving. “No.Iwouldn’t change a thing about you,Lucien.”

Colorfloods his cheeks again, but his pulse is hammering, and he has the look of a sub pushed almost to his limits.Thatlook wrecks me, floods me with the need to protect him.Thepain is only fun whenIcan make it better.

“Thenwhy?”Hethrusts his hand into his hair and grips it. “Jasper, what is the damn problem?”

“Whycan’t you just leave it be?”Ihiss.Irub my forehead, trying to fight against the urge to pull him into my arms.

“Why?”Helaughs, and there’s a hysterical edge to it. “Goddamn it,Jasper, can’t you see thatI’min love with you?I’dgive you anything,everythingyou ask for.Youwant me too.Iknow you do.Youhave to.”

“Andwhat aboutEden?Youwant her, don’t you?”Isnap, pushing out of the chair.

“So?Iwant you both.Wecould all have each other.I’msure, if you apologize, she’ll—”

Thesingle tear that slid off her cheek asIrejected her still scalds my skin.

Ishake my head once, cutting him off. “Justbe withEden,Lucien.She’slovely—she’ll make you happy.”

“No,Jasper.”Hisvoice drops low. “It’snotenough.”

Igrit my teeth, hating the ring of truthIhear in that statement.

“You’reattracted to her,”Isay mildly, turning back to him whenI’vemanaged to gain control of my expression again.Myheart gnashes against the cageIpress it into.

“She’snot a dominant, and neither amI.Wecan’t be that for each other.”Lucienglares at me. “Notwithout you.Weboth need more.”

Panicmakes my head light. “You’rea switch,Lucien.I’veseen you do it.”

“Dominatingisn’t the same.Itdoesn’tfillme,” he says, unrelenting. “AndIdon’t thinkIcan do it with her.Maybeit’s just been too long, or maybeIjust realizedIprefer being the submissive,Idon’t know, butIcouldn’t.”

No.

Amismatch in kink, especially one as fundamental as this, is devastating.It’sthe reason my marriage failed.It’sthe reasonIgaveEdenfor turning her down—one that wasn’t the whole truth, but still a valid one.Isensed no deep desire for pain from her.

IfLuciencan’t switch... if he doesn’t want to dominate.. .

Hiseyes find mine again, brimming with pain and confusion. “Icouldn’t,Jasper.She’sgorgeous and funny and smart and she tastes like a dream.Withher,Ican finally breathe again in a wayInever could before, not even with you.Shecould be my best friend,Icould love her completely, easily, but that edge... that thing, that takes me somewhere else, that thing that calms me, and makes me feel safe, and broken... it just wasn’t there without you.Icouldn’t help it.Ididn’t want to, butIjust kept thinking how muchIwanted you there with us, taking both of us for yourself.Iwant her.Imight even need her in a way you can never give me, butIneed you too.Ineed you to take control.Ineed to see her make you come.Sheshould be there next to me, both of us kneeling for you, and—”

“Justshutup,Lucien,”Isnap, cutting off that drugging, impossible picture.Becauseit is far, far too easy to see.MyEden, crawling on her knees to me.Rewardingher withLucien’scock.Bothof them,mine, to pet and hold and shatter asIlike. “Itwill never happen.”

There’sa long, terrible silence.

“Why?Justanswer that,Jasper.Ideserve to know why.”

Thepain in his voice paralyzes me, andIloathe myself for putting it there.

Why?Thewhy would lay me naked before him.Itwould flay the flesh from my bones and leave me no place to hide.Itmight kill me to tell him why.

ButI’vetried everything else.

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