Good.Iwant her to relax around me.Lord-our-deeply-ashamed-father knows she won’t get much chance around the rest of these idiots.
“Yousaid you had fun withJaykob, right?”
Hercheeks pinken.
“Um...funmight not be exactly the right word,” she says, “but yes,I—Idid enjoy myself.”
“There’snothing wrong with enjoying pain, beautiful.Orputting yourself in someone else’s control, so long as you trust them not to abuse it,”Itell her gently, earnestly. “Youwere covered in bruises, and knowingJayk, he probably threw you around a bit, huh?I’mguessing he was a little rough?”
Idon’t need her tentative nod to knowI’mright;Isaw her this morning, andIsaw the way the big bastard fucked often enough back in the day.Ofthe five of us, onlyJasperwas ever worried about privacy.I’venever been able to decide if it was a blessing or a curse thatInever sawJasperdominating anyone else.
ThewayEden’seyes cloud with lust does nothing to help my hard-on.
Iclear my throat and continue, “Butyou still had a good time.Forsome people, that kind of treatment during sex just makes them feel more desired.Likethey can’t get enough of you.Thepain and the pleasure kind of blend together, right?”
Herembarrassment seems to have faded slightly and her look of thoughtful concentration has me biting back a smile.Fuckshe’s cute.Herlower lip is caught between her teeth and small frown lines appear between her brows.Apparentlyconsidering the theory, rather than how it applies to her, is more acceptable.
“Soyou know that having both pain and pleasure isn’t necessarily a bad thing.Now,Jasper, he just kind of takes that to the next level.Helikes delivering pain in a controlled way, doling it out like a treat or a punishment until your body wants the pain.Itbrings your pleasure to a different level.It’sfull-on.Exhausting, both physically and mentally.Butit can feel fucki—Imean, it can feel good.Reallygood.”
Rapturous.Blissful.Agonizing.
Idon’t have the words to describe this to her properly.HowcanIexplain the need to venerate his cruelty?Thecraving for the sweet-sharp lashes of his cane?Forthe unbearably soft kindnesses between?Howgood it feels to free-fall into darkness with someone, knowing they’ll save you and punish you for the favor all at once?
DoIreally want to explain this to her?Maybeit would be better for all of us if she ran far, far away fromJasper.
Ormaybe it would just be better for me.
Sheglances up at me at the last, andIready for her to scold me on my language, but there’s something too assessing in her gaze, andIrealize that isn’t what caught her attention.
Ishift.Damnit.Iget enough of those looks around here.Iwant her smiling again.I’mnot good with the serious stuff.Aftertoday,I’vehad enough serious to last a lifetime.Ifeel raw, like an exposed nerve, but being with her is a sweet kind of balm.
“Yousound like you speak from experience,” she says tentatively, the unasked question clear in her voice.
“Oh.Yeah, well.Yeah.I... do.”
Smooth, motherfucker.Smoothas asphalt.Whatthe hell is wrong with me?I’mnot sixteen anymore.Iknow how to talk about sex.
“WithJasper, even,”Iadd thoughtlessly.
Hermouth drops open and her eyes widen.Notin disgust,Inote, even asIcontinue to swear at myself for being a fucking idiot.Morelike curiosity.
“Soyou’re... bisexual?”
Awhell.It’swaytoo early to be having this conversation.
“Well, yeah.Butnot like that.NotwithJasper, anyway.Imean, he doesn’t—Wedon’t—”Istop, then start laughing at myself.Thisis ridiculous.HowamIeven having this conversation after today?Ihave to laugh or this is going to turn into some kind of rom-com where she ends up stroking my hair, andItearfully confess my soul to her.Iscrub a hand over my face and give her a rueful look. “Ithink your tongue-tied disease is catching, woman.”
Itake a breath and start again.It’snot the right explanation, but it’s allIcan work up right now. “Yes,Ienjoy pain and being dominated.Ialso enjoy dominating, sometimes.Iswitch, depending on my mood and whoI’mwith.”
Although, nowIthink of it, the thought of dominating anyone—even with gorgeous and clearly submissiveEdenlaid out on a platter—somehow doesn’t seem so appealing as it once did.Notthat the attraction isn’t there, because it is.Ihaven’t been this attracted to anyone since, well, sinceJasper.ButIwould much rather both of us be under him, at his mercy, than have her at mine.
Butthat might be a bit much to cover on a first date.
“Idon’t enjoy giving pain.Yes,I’mbi.No,Ihaven’t had sex with any of the guys.Asfar asIknow, the others are at least mostly straight.”
Ithink of the wayJasperpinned me today.Theway he looked at my lips.
Whathe asked of me.