Page 106 of Entangled

Particularly since they work.

I sigh, shaking my head. I am feeling too many things right now to pick them apart myself.

“Do you agree with her?” I ask quietly.

Dominic tilts his head, golden eyes sharp on me as he thinks it over.

“Look, I agree whatever dynamic you’ve had going on doesn’t seem to be working for either of you. But she’s also coming at it from one angle.” Dominic grimaces. “Eden’s a submissive, and she’s close to Lucky. She’s going to be seeing it from that side. A lot of people will—it’s easy to be sympathetic with a love-sick subbie.”

I flinch. I don’t want Lucien to be sick over me. I never wanted it. I craved it—the sinful, terrible parts of me did—the way an addict craves a hit. But never in my heart.

There, I only ever wished him whole.

“Submissives forget sometimes, I think, how heavy this responsibility can be for a dom. It’s your job, your whole job, to look out for him. To make sure you’re not doing any harm. As our shrink, you get that twofold. The weight of that can crush a person, if they’re not careful.” Something dark and unhappy flickers over Dominic’s face, then he blows out a breath. “You’re a smart guy, Jasper, and you’re not a masochist. I don’t think you’d push him away if you didn’t really believe you were crossing a line, even if I don’t understand it.”

I look up at him, taken aback by his observation. I’m moved by it, too. I know the others don’t approve of my resistance. That has been clear enough in Beaumont’s disappointed glances through the years. In Jaykob’s eye rolls.

It means more than Dominic can know that he understands.

The nod he gives in return is brief. Matter of fact, even. “I’m going to go against popular opinion about Lucky here and say that you’re allowed to have boundaries too. If this is one of them, then you’re entitled to it—and Lucky shouldn’t be pushing you on it, no matter how he feels.”

I rub the tension over my eye. “I haven’t communicated particularly well with him. That’s my failing. I’ve given him too many mixed signals for him to be able to understand. He had... plenty of his own thoughts on my reasoning.”

The fall air is rich with decaying leaves, and it swirls around us lightly. His words have haunted me this entire trip, every brief moment I wasn’t worrying over Eden—“How dare you stand here and tell me I don’t know my own mind?”

What if he’s right?

What if he isn’t?

Dominic’s mouth flattens. “Any reasoning is good enough for a boundary, Jasper. You know that.”

“I do,” I say quietly, unsettled. Then I push off the tree, my hand fisting around my hair like it’s around Lucien’s throat. “It’s not that simple. It was perfect, Dominic. Utterly perfect. His mouth, his touch, hislove.”

I break off, my throat raw, and swallow. I turn to face the other man, willing him to understand what I cannot. How can something so criminally terrible feel celestial? Why is it that I want to knot him and Eden and myself together, even though I know I’d be taking advantage of him, and that my sadism would only hurt her further? Why must everything be so complicated?

“He almost gave his life to save mine—and for what? What have I given him to earn that? There’s nothing in the world worth that price, least of all me. How can he feel that strongly if it’s all a lie? How canI?”

I breathe hard, every word hurting as it leaves me, and Dominic walks over and pulls me into a hug. I’m so stunned, I freeze.

I don’t think he has ever hugged me before.

It takes a long moment before I sigh and rest my forehead on his shoulder.

“It feels like my head and my heart are at war, and I don’t know how to reconcile them,” I whisper.

Dominic sighs, then says, “What is it that you’re most worried about? Being with him, I mean? What do you think will happen?”

Happen?

I pull back, frowning. “I don’t believe I’m following. Being with Lucien is wrong?—”

Dominic raises a hand. “I know. I know. But what’s the consequence?”

“I— He needs to be free to form healthy relationships. He trusted me to provide his care, Dominic. Not to be lusting after him like a teenager,” I snap.

I turn, that ill feeling returning to my stomach.

“He is free to do that, isn’t he? You don’t seem against him and Eden. It doesn’t seem to be holding him back in any of his relationships, does it?” Dom asks in a reasonable tone, and I glare at him. “And let’s rewind there too. It’s not like he was seeking out your professional help because of childhood trauma or abuse. He was only in your office by mandate.”

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