Page 58 of Keep Me Close

But he only shakes his head. “I thought you had come to tell me something had happened to Owen, remember?”

Oh, I’d forgotten about that. “Right. But you haven’t even met him, and—"

“And even though I’ve never met him, and even though I’d only just learned he even existed, thinking something happened to him hit me harder and more devastating than the thought of something happening to my parents.” He pauses. I’m surprised to hear that out of him, and I think he is, too. “It took me a little time to realize what that meant for me. That I want to know my son. I want to be involved in his life. I cannot explain how strange it is for me to be saying this—you hardly know me, so you won’t get it and I know that. I’m not explaining this well. But I’ve never wanted kids and now that I have a biological link to one, I haven’t been able to think of anything else. I want to know everything about him. And the pregnancy. The labor, anything you want to tell me. You’re the reason I have a son. I should have kept that in mind when you came, but at the time, I couldn’t wrap my head around much, other than the fact he was okay. It was all that mattered. It’s still all that matters.” He sighs. “I’m sure I sound like a crazy person—"

“No.” I smile up at him. “You sound like a parent.”

He laughs. “First time someone’s ever said that to me.”

“Scary?”

“God yes.”

I laugh, and so does he. “It’s the most terrifying thing I have ever done with my life. It’s also the best thing.”

“I’ve been driving myself crazy with this, and I’m not sure if you’ll remember any better than I do. We used a condom, Aria. I’ve used them for years before and since, and you’re the only person I’ve used James with, so anyone else could have made a child support claim if I had another kid, which means I’m taking it that the condoms worked before. So, do you have any idea how this happened?”

That makes me laugh harder than anything else until this point. “Honestly, I think he was determined to be born. The night you and I hooked up, I was on birth control pills, and—"

“You’re kidding.”

I shake my head. “Also, I have endometriosis and was told my scarring was so bad I might not ever have kids, so between that and two forms of birth control, he’s one miracle of a surprise.”

He chuckles. “I’m not sure who he gets that from, but when I’m determined to get something, I go for it.”

“Me, too.” Though these days, I haven’t been going for much.

“Yeah, I remember that look on your face in Maine.”

Oh, yeah. Guess I have. “Sorry about just showing up, but I had to see you. I wanted to smooth things over, so we could figure this out, and I went about it kind of ham-fisted.”

“Guess we have that in common, eh?”

“A little.” I’m not sure how to ask this, other than to say it. “From what I’ve heard, you don’t have the best track record when it comes to things like responsibility. I’m not saying that as an insult, but I need to know that if you’re going to meet Owen as his father, then you’re going to stick around. He can’t have you here one minute and gone the next.”

“I understand that. Kids need stability. I don’t know what my career has in store for me, or whether I’m going to keep at it…I love what I do. Helping people and protecting the land is what makes me feel alive. But I also know having a parent doing a life and death job can be hell on a kid. So, I’m trying to figure all of that out.”

“I don’t mean like that, Everett. If you want to fight wildfires, fight wildfires. But I am glad you’re thinking about him on the matter. What I meant was, if you’re going to be in his life, then I want you in his life. If you meet him now and then never call or email ever again, so help me, I will gut you. You cannot just walk away from him when things get messy or once you’re over the novelty or—"

“Fuck no, never.” Pretty sure I’ve shocked him, because his eyes are wide and upset and he’s put his hands up, as if to stop me from going on. “Aria, I’d never do that. Not that you have any reason to believe me on that front…Admittedly, this is a new thing for me. But as far as that goes, I’m not going anywhere. I want to be his dad. I want this. And as determined as he was to be born, I am determined to be here for him.”

A searing knot forms in my throat. I’ve always been cautious when someone tells me what I want to hear. But right now, every instinct tells me he’s being honest. I have to clear my throat or he’ll catch on that I’m starting to trust him. Can’t have that. “I’m glad to hear it, Everett.”

He sighs and smiles. “It doesn’t have to be now. I’m springing a lot on you and I know that, so take your time. But I want to meet my son, Aria. Soon.”

Moment of truth. “If you agree to my terms, you can meet him now.”

Urgency lights him up from within. “Anything.”

“First of all, it’s close to bedtime, and I’m religious about that, so it won’t be a long visit. I’ll introduce you as my friend. Do not tell him who you are to him. I want him to get to know you a little before we add that complication into things. Okay?”

He bobs his head fast. “That works out, because I’d like to at least be your friend.”

I’m not sure how to interpret that. But we’ve come this far. I turn the doorknob. “Okay, here we go.”

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