Page 76 of Ashes

I didn’t look up from the pot because if I did, I knew I would laugh.

Thirty-Three

Wilder

I hadn’t said anything to Oakley but good night after Sarah was in bed.

During the movie, I’d waged an inner battle on what was best for Sarah.I wanted Oakley in my bed—preferably naked and under me, but I would settle for just in my bed.

But if I started that, if Sarah thought we were something more … sure, she’d be ecstatic.The idea of having Oakley here all the time.Us doing things together … like a family …

That was what had stopped me.I wasn’t willing to do something that could break Sarah’s heart.What if it didn’t work?What if I got so fucking wrapped up in Oakley again that I lost her and it destroyed me?This’d impact Sarah.I had to put her first.Not my need for Oakley Watson.

The light knock on my bedroom door interrupted my thoughts.I went to open it and found Oakley standing there, staring up at me with wide, nervous eyes.Fucking hell.How was I going to resist her when she was at my damn door?I’d been struggling enough without her here in front of me.

“I can’t sleep,” she whispered.

I was weak.I stepped back and let her come inside before closing the door and locking it.She was here now, and I was going to end up fucking her.I didn’t need Sarah walking in to witness it.Talk about scaring her.That would do it.

Turning around, I watched as she walked over and ran her fingertips along my blue quilt that covered the king-size bed I’d bought when I got the house.

“If you want me to go, just tell me,” she said, not looking at me.

“I locked the door, Oakley.You’re in here now.”

She glanced back then, and her blue eyes said it all.She didn’t have to verbalize what she was thinking.She knew this had no future, but she wanted the now.Just like I did.

Fuck that.I didn’t want it.I craved it.She was addictive, and I’d gotten a taste of her.I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to end that.Stop this.

Maybe we didn’t have to.What if we could be friends who fucked?We would stay platonic unless we were fucking.

Her gaze traveled down my body.When I had gotten out of the shower, I’d put on a pair of green plaid flannel pajama pants my mom had given me last year.I knew Oakley could see my erection.The pants didn’t exactly hide it.

“What’s your tattoo of?”she asked me.

“A compass with Sarah’s thumbprint in the center.The points are her birth date,” I replied.

“That’s perfect,” she said with a small smile on her lips.“I didn’t know you had gotten one until I saw you without a shirt on.”

“I got it during the divorce.I wanted a way to remind myself of where my home was.That Sarah was it.No matter where we lived,” I explained.

Her expression fell, and I knew why.She was thinking about our past.What she had said that day in court.I wasn’t going to let her head go there.Not tonight.

“Take off the nightgown, Oakley,” I told her.

The heat flared in her eyes, and she reached for the satin material, tugging it up and then over her head before letting it fall to the floor.I stood there, taking in the sight of her.

Would there be a time when this view didn’t make me want to fall to my knees and promise her the world?

If we were going to do this, I had to keep my head on straight.Not start worshipping at her feet.Even if she should be with a man who worshipped her.Adored her.Put her on a damn pedestal.Things I could never do.Things I was too fucking scared to do.Even though I knew the truth now, Oakley would own me.My soul.If I let her.

Closing the distance between us, I told myself I could keep my heart and this separate.This didn’t have to be more than physical.If I could just touch her, taste her, sink inside of her, then it would be enough.The rest I could shut off.My emotions didn’t have to be connected to my pleasure.

When I stopped in front of her, I intended to grab her and throw her onto my bed, but her hands went to the waist of my pants.She tugged them down as she lowered herself to her knees.That was a sight that took a man’s air from his lungs.I stared down at her as she wrapped her fingers around my cock.Jesus!I wouldn’t last long like this.Not with it being Oakley taking me in her mouth.

“Oak—” I started to say her name, but then her lips covered the head of my dick, and the rest of the world no longer mattered.Nothing did.

She had always looked like an angel, and the view of an angel kneeling in front of me with my cock in her mouth was a level beyond erotic.There wasn’t a name for it.

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