Page 64 of Ashes

“We both know the truth now,” I finally said.“And neither one of us would go back and do anything differently.We both know that too.”

He ran his hand over his face and leaned back against the wall.“This is …” He sighed.“Fuck.”

“I’ve spent years trying to hate you.Sometimes, I thought I did.Other times, I wished like hell I did.Knowing the truth, it helps.I understand, and maybe I can finally heal.Finally let go of what we once were.Maybe…”

His eyes lifted to meet mine.“Can you?Because I don’t think that’s what this knowledge does for me.I have a fucking mountain of regrets I made with you that I’m not sure I can work through.At least not anytime soon.”The agony in his expression, which he wasn’t even trying to mask, broke me.

I slipped the sweatshirt over my head.It hit me mid-thigh, and I felt covered enough before walking across the room to stand in front of him.He didn’t move, but his eyes stayed on me.Never once wavering.

“We both have regrets, Wilder.But we wanted to punish each other.We were hurt.That can’t be something we let control us.”

His eyes dropped to my mouth.“It’s not that easy,” he said.“I don’t know if I can move past it.Let it go.”He inhaled sharply.“Sebastian was the one to take your virginity—something you’d held on to for so long.And you gave it to him.A man I have to see, work with, and know he loved you and had you in a way I never will.”

I wanted to laugh at that, but I didn’t.Wilder would misunderstand my humor.But the thought that Sebastian had ever had more of me than Wilder was so far from the truth.He’d taken my virginity, but that night, I had cried.Because it hadn’t been Wilder.I never opened my heart to Sebastian, and he tried hard to reach me.Even going as far as asking me to marry him.Telling me he loved me enough for the both of us and that he’d spend his life making me fall in love with him.

“I need some air,” Wilder said, moving away from me.“Will you be okay with being alone for a little bit?”

No.I wanted him here.But I also didn’t think I could fix what was wrong.Not when he was shutting me out like this.I wasn’t going to beg him.I’d done that already.No more.

“Sure,” I lied.

Twenty-Eight

Wilder

Stepping back into the cave, I felt guilty for leaving Oakley here, but I had needed to clear my head.Hit shit.Curse.Lose my goddamn temper, and I hadn’t wanted to do it in front of her.

The room was silent as I walked through the small hallway.It was past midnight, so when I found Oakley curled up on the sofa, asleep, I wasn’t surprised.

The reality of all this was twisted up so badly that there was no clear way to see it.She was right.We wouldn’t change what had happened because of Sarah.She made the difference.But I would change the after.I’d never have treated Oakley like I had.Fuck, I would have begged her to forgive me.There would have been no wedding with Sylvia.

The what-could-have-beens.Everything we had lost.It would forever darken my world.I’d never get past knowing I’d had her once and lost her.She’d been mine.

I looked at her as I removed my shirt and took off the sweats.I knew there were still things coming and that we couldn’t change the past, but for tonight, I was going to hold her.I was going to sleep in a bed with Oakley Watson in my arms.Finally.Even if I just got it tonight.All the reasons this was a bad idea be damned.

Wearing only my boxers, I went over and pulled the covers back to see Oakley still wearing just the sweatshirt.Her naked ass pressed against me was going to be a temptation, but I didn’t care.Reaching down, I picked her up, and she curled into me, pressing her face to my chest.

Emotions for this woman that I had thought were gone, never to return, came barreling back with a vengeance.The need to cherish her, love her, own her were there, threatening to take over again.I couldn’t do that.Not now.We were two different people.Age, time, and circumstances had made sure of it.

I placed her on the bed, then lay down behind her, tugging the covers up over our bodies.Wrapping my arm around her waist, I buried my nose in her hair.God, this was heaven.The warmth of her body against mine, her scent surrounding me.I could die right here, content.

No!I had to stop letting my head go there.Fuck that.It wasn’t my head in danger here.It was my heart.I had to keep up my guard.And I would—tomorrow.Right now, I was enjoying this.I was going to revel in it.

“Wilder?”Her voice was raspy from sleep.

I tightened my arm around her.“Yeah.”

“Mmm,” she murmured and wiggled her ass against my already-hard cock.

I closed my eyes and tried to control my reaction.She was half asleep.

“I like this.”

Yeah, well, I fucking loved it.I didn’t respond, but she shifted again, as if she was trying to get closer.We were on a twin bed, and any closer, she’d have to be on top of me.That image made my cock twitch.

Unable to help myself, I pressed a kiss to her temple.“Go back to sleep, baby.”

She let out a happy sigh and rubbed her ass on me again.

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