Page 46 of Intertwined Hearts

“Are you out of your mind? That’s never going to happen, Jackie. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Hunter.” I choked on his name. It was ripping my heart out of my body to say this to him. “We have to. I can’t do this to you.”

“What don’t you fucking understand? I love you, not the thought that we may have kids one day. Yeah, I want them, but that’s not the only reason I’m with you.”

“But…” My body shook as the sobs took over. “But, I can’t do this, Hunter.”

“You don’t want to be with me anymore? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“I love you so much, Hunter. I love you with every single cell in my body. But I can’t expect you to be with me. I can’t do that to you.” My voice had gotten so loud it didn’t even sound like me.

“I’ll leave when you can tell me you don’t love me anymore. Until then, you’re stuck with me, doll. Like it or not.”

Chapter 35

Jackie

Hunter kissed my cheek when he left for work. How did I deserve him? I loved him, and I knew he loved me, but I was a constant source of drama and a problem-filled dumpster.

I dragged myself from the bed and gathered clothes to put on after my shower. I had an hour to get ready and get to Dr. Reierson’s office. I needed this session in the worst way. My mind was swirling in a very deep pool of confusion and doubt. Hopefully, he would be able to help me swim to the edge and keep from drowning.

I didn’t have to wait long to get called into the doctor’s office.

“Good morning, Jackie. I understand you’ve had some new, very emotional revelations. Tell me what’s been going on.”

I regurgitated everything. I watched him take notes and nod his head throughout. I even told him about my attempt to let Hunter out of our relationship.

“You said it was unfair of you to hold his heart hostage, right?” Dr. Reierson asked.

“Yeah.”

“So, in your mind, it’s fairer to deny him the ability to love you, which he obviously does.”

“I guess I never thought of it that way.”

“You can’tsaveHunter. The man is crazy about you. In his opinion, there is no living without you.” He jotted a few more notes on the pad. “You may be wondering how I can surmise this. For me, it’s really easy. Because I feel the same about my wife. Are you sure you want to push him away?”

“No. I don’t. I don’t want him to leave.”

“Then stop telling him that’s what you want. Let Hunter decide what’s best for him. You decide what’s best for you. And together, you both can decide and work on solutions that will benefit you both. Does that make sense?”

“It does.”

“You know, medicine is an ever-evolving phenomenon. You never know what may be the new break-through in the coming year. Don’t give up on yourself, or the amazing medical specialists, so easily.”

“I knew I needed to talk to you.”

“Have you told Hunter everything like you said you would?”

“Yeah, I told him.”

“Good. I’m going to push you a little more now.”

“Uh oh.”

“It’s really not that bad, but it’s something I think will help another relationship become even stronger. I’m going to suggest, recommend, whichever you choose, that you have a long conversation with your best friend. Tell her what you’ve been through. I’m not saying this so you get her pity, but sometimes people can jump to conclusions about the actions of others without really understanding the why. With her having the small children, she may be wondering why you’re so distant.”

“I agree. I think I should tell her.”

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