Page 38 of Intertwined Hearts

I lifted my coffee cup and took a sip. “Yeah, I do. Some day.”

“Have you ever thought about how many you’d like?”

“Not really. Maybe two. Maybe.” I blinked several times to fight back the tears that were prickling behind my eyes. I didn’t want to talk about this. Not now.

“I’d like to have a lot. Maybe four. Is that too many?”

I glanced at the clock and inhaled a deep breath. “That might be too much. I hate to cut you off, but I need to finish getting ready for work. Can we talk about this another time?"

“Sure. How about later tonight?”

“Uh, yeah, whatever.” When I took two steps and was beside him, Hunter corralled my wrist in his hand and pulled me onto his lap.

“What’s your hurry? You don’t have to leave for another thirty minutes. As naturally beautiful as you are, I can’t imagine in my wildest dreams that you’d need more than five minutes to get ready.”

My cheeks warmed. “Thank you.”

“Why don’t you want to talk about kids, darling?”

“Can we do this another time? Please? I just can’t do this right now, Hunter.” I wasn’t able to blink fast enough to keep the tears from cresting and trickling down my cheek. His finger swiped them away, then he kissed my nose. I didn’t deserve him. I wasn’t sure I could give him what he wanted. Landon had ruined me.

“Baby, what’s going on? You can tell me. What’s got you so spooked right now?”

“Nothing. I just would rather talk when we have more time.” I lied. I went into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

I couldn’t tell Hunter. He thought everything I had already told him about Landon was all there was to that chapter in my life, but it wasn’t. Landon was more evil and harsh than anyone else knew. It didn’t even come out in court when he went on trial the first time. The talk about having kids brought back that shroud of darkness.

The lawyers had told me it would be glossed over, but the beating I’d suffered was the thing that would get him put in jail. I failed to see the insignificance. I lived with that pain every day. I looked into the eyes of the child that could have been mine each time I saw a baby. I mourned the happiness I could have had when I saw a mom smile at her son or daughter. A happiness that I should have experienced. But the devil himself kicked me in my stomach that day.

It was his own fault. It wasn’t mine. He was the one who forced me to get more experience sexually in an attempt to please him. He blamed me for each of his infidelities. He blamed me because I was a virgin when we met.

We had been together for ten months before it happened the first time. I felt ambushed. I had no idea what was going on when I walked into Landon’s room and saw three of his teammates there with him. But it didn’t take long for him to reveal his horrible plan to me. He wanted me to have sex with all of them. When I tried to leave, he grabbed me by my hair and pulled me back into the room to his bed. He forced me onto my knees in front of him, then made me suck each of them off. He went last. He watched every single one of those guys stroke their cocks while my lips reluctantly sucked on the head, then they’d come on my breasts. I felt so filthy. I knew no one else would want me if it ever got out what I’d been forced to do.

A week later, Landon had the same guys come over, and they each took turns having sex with me. He threatened me if I didn’t do it, he’d tell everyone what a whore I was. Then he told me he loved me and if I loved him, I wouldn’t fight it. I was so disgusted I couldn’t get wet. They spit in their hands and rubbed their saliva on my pussy so they could have their way with me. I cried throughout the entire ordeal. They were raping me, and my boyfriend was orchestrating it. I didn’t want any of it. And at that time, I knew I didn’t want anything else to do with Landon. I just wasn’t sure how to get rid of him.

I cried and scrubbed in the shower for what seemed like hours to get their stench off of me. I knew they had raped me. I also knew I never wanted to see Landon again.

For the next couple of weeks, I avoided Landon. It helped that he had found a new female conquest. He had moved on from me without a word. He was a coward and lower than the lowest point on Earth. He was scum. I was glad he stopped harassing me.

It took me a few days to realize my clockwork period hadn’t come. I panicked and rushed to the closest drug store to get a pregnancy test. After doing what I needed to do in my private bathroom for the test, the excruciating wait began. I paced back and forth in my dorm room. My heart sank at the thought of having the devil’s child. I begged God to please let this test be false. But I loved kids and was sure I’d love my very own child, regardless of the circumstances of its conception. I had so many thoughts running through my head. The timer seemed to take forever to signal it was time to check the results.

When I went back into the bathroom, my heart felt like it had stopped. My palms were sweating, and my breathing was so irregular I felt like no oxygen was getting to my brain. Then I saw it. It was positive. I cried and I hit the wall before I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I laid on the cool floor tiles and curled into a ball and cried some more. I knew I had to tell him. I was planning to keep the baby.

As if the punching and hitting wasn’t bad enough, that day, after I told him I was pregnant, kicking me in the stomach not just once, but twice, was his attempt to ensure I’d lose the baby. He told me he wasn’t sure who the father was since no one wore a condom. I felt sicker than ever at that revelation. I felt dirtier than I ever would have imagined possible and wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to scrub myself clean. He said he couldn’t let me raise a bastard child, and that he was doing me a favor. He also couldn’t let me ruin his life any longer. He told me all about his new girlfriend, his NFL prospects and, with one last punch, reiterated that I was no longer going to be in his life.

“Hey, Jackie, are you okay?” Hunter asked.

I sniffled and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Yeah, I’ll be right out.” I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to hide this awfulness from Hunter.

Chapter 29

Hunter

Something wasn’t right. We’d both left for work, but there was a nagging feeling that Jackie was hiding something from me. I wasn’t going to press her. I wanted her to tell me on her own time. Unless her own time ended up being never.

The details of the new high-rise building and the meetings with the project managers kept my mind off of that morning’s conversation with Jackie for most of the day. We had the framing nearly complete and were reviewing the plans, which required all of my attention to the details.

Jackie and I didn’t have any plans for that evening. I had decided on my drive home, I was going to give her a little bit of space. We could talk on the phone, but I got the feeling I should take a step back. Instead, I was going to check in with my buddy Jeff. I talked to him every now and again, but not as much after Alexander was born. I knew he had been busy during his leave helping Nikki and enjoying his new addition. His son.

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