Page 43 of Intertwined Hearts

Jackie

“Hunter!” I screamed. “Hunter!” My heart felt like it was beating five times per second. I’d never been so scared in all my life. I stood in the bathroom in horror. I had no idea what was wrong with me, but this wasn’t normal.

Hunter ran in. “What’s wrong?”

“Look!” I pointed at the toilet. It was disgusting, I knew, but I needed someone else to see what I was seeing and tell me if I was crazy.

“Jeez, what the hell happened?”

“I woke up with the worst cramps ever. I’ve never felt any that bad before. I had to pee, but when I sat down, I could feel a rush of fluids leaving my body. I stood up and saw this.” There was a lot of blood and some large blood clots. And I had the chills.

“Is this normal? I’ve never seen how bad your periods are.”

“No. It’s not normal.” My body quaked.

“Come on. I’m going to take you to the hospital to get checked out.”

“I think I’ll be okay,” I said. Tears slid down my cheeks.

“Let’s have a doctor decide that. If they tell me you’re going to be fine, then I’ll feel better.”

We pulled on our clothes, and Hunter drove like a madman to the emergency room. It didn’t take long for them to get me into a bay and begin hooking up the machines to get my vitals, then a nurse came in to find out what happened. She asked me for the date of my last period and I told her. Another nurse came in and took several vials of blood from my arm, then disappeared.

Hunter sat quietly in the room, and nurses ran back and forth, in and out of the room. It must not have been a very busy night, as it seemed like everyone was doting on me.

I was relieved to see the doctor come in. She read through my chart and asked me a few questions before she gave me her opinion.

“I do think you’ll be okay. There’s a good possibility you had a miscarriage. It looks like you were a little late with getting your normal cycle, combined with the more intense pain, plus the passing of clots are signs that you may have had a pregnancy involuntarily terminate. I’m so sorry.”

My heart sank. I was pregnant. I had Hunter’s baby inside me. The tears ran down my cheeks. The loss I felt was so much worse than my first. I’d done nothing. Nothing had happened to me. And now, the baby was gone. Hunter would have been so happy to have heard me tell him we were expecting. I looked at him and saw him wiping tears from his eyes, and I was crushed. I knew how badly he wanted a family. We both did.

“I’m going to leave the two of you alone. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” the doctor said. She and the nurse left. No sooner had the door closed, Hunter’s arms encircled me and he sobbed. It was gut-wrenching to hear this big, strong man break down in tears like a small child. My tears and sobs joined his. We never said a word, we just held each other and mourned the baby.

When the doctor announced she was coming back in, Hunter grabbed a few tissues for me and a few for himself. We both wiped at the tears that never stopped coming.

“I’m really sorry about the baby,” she said. “Most people don’t even realize they’re pregnant so early. I had a miscarriage before I was able to get pregnant with my daughter.” She flipped open my chart. “I wanted to give you a few minutes before I came back in. We can go ahead and discharge you, but please make an appointment to see your gynecologist to make sure everything is fine before trying again. In the meantime, I’d suggest some form of birth control. Do you have any questions for me?”

I shook my head. “No, thank you.”

The doctor patted my shoulder. “Take care,” she said, then left the room.

“Do you feel okay now?” Hunter asked.

“I’m just tired. And I feel empty,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Hunter.” My voice cracked with my words.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know. But I know how much you want a family.”

“When the time’s right, we’ll have a baby. Make sure to call your gyno-person and see if you can get an appointment soon.”

“I will.” My eyes stayed focused on my feet. “I love you, Hunter. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, baby, I do. I love you too.”

The nurse came in with the paperwork to be signed so I could leave and go home. I wanted to curl up in my bed and never leave. I had three phone calls to make as soon as we left this hospital.

The gynecologist was able to get me in right away when I explained what happened. Hunter wanted to take the day off to be with me, but I insisted he go in to work. There wasn’t anything he could do for me. I needed to be alone, and I could drive myself to the doctor.

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