Page 1 of The Queen of Nightmares

ChapterOne

THE QUEEN OF NIGHTMARES

Irolled over, stretching out my arm, reaching for something that I instinctively knew wouldn’t be there. Every day for the past two months has been the same. Ever since I left the hospital with the thick bandage on my forearm where the doctor had attempted to dismember it from my body, I have woken up alone. I knew Jack wasn’t far away, and I also knew he slept beside me, the indentation in his pillow where his head lay the night before. I could also swear I could still feel the sensation of his arms holding me as I slept. Though, that was likely nothing more than wishful thinking on my part.

The moment I woke up in the hospital, confusion and pain overwhelmed me. I had searched the room with blurry vision, trying to blink back the mental fog as I searched the room, expecting to find Jack. Instead, I saw Kara sitting in a chair in the corner, typing away on her phone. I stared at her for several seconds, trying to come to terms with the fact that it was a casually dressed Kara wearing jeans and a T-shirt with me and not the man that I loved.

The door opened abruptly, and a nurse came into the room. Kara looked up from her phone for just a second, then returned to her screen before her head jerked back up.

“Oh my god, you’re awake!” She quickly jumped out of her chair and rushed to my bedside. “Holy shit, girl. Everyone has been so worried about you!”

“Jack…” my voice was nothing but a harsh croak, making me realize how dry and raw my throat felt. I tried to lift my arm to rub at the soreness there when agonizing pain flooded through every part of me, starting at my arm.

The nurse tutted, then hit a button lying next to me on the bed.

“This is your morphine, sweetie. You press that whenever you feel you need to. It’s a much lower dose than normal, considering the pregnancy, but it should help take the edge off. If you hit your limit and you’re still in pain, you press that call button and let me know.”

Immediately, a weightless feeling began to flood me, and I could feel my eyelids begin to droop. “Jack?”

“Sweetie, that man hasn’t left your side since you were admitted here two days ago.” The nurse smiled down at me with a dreamy look that told me what she thought of my luck at having Jack at my bedside. “He had to leave, but I’m sure he’ll be back as soon as he can.”

Kara rubbed my knee through the hospital blanket. “Sorry, I’m not who you want to see right now, but all the club members are at Lock’s funeral. I’m sure Bones will be back later tonight if he can make it. Though, I heard they are having a huge party in Lock’s honor instead of a wake. Bones will probably want to stay for that since Lock was his VP and all.”

I stopped listening as memories of seeing Lock standing in front of me, his red shirt turning wet as blood seeped into it. I remembered seeing his lips move as if he were trying to speak. The memories morphed from watching Lock fall face forward toward me to the sight of Zero lying motionless in the dirt. I wanted to scream out at the agony that filled my chest, but all I could do was close my eyes and drift off to sleep again as a tear escaped from the corner of my eye.

That was two months ago, and though Kara was wrong and Jack had returned to my room as soon as the funeral was over instead of going to the party, his absence had remained just as vivid ever since. Despite his presence, I might as well have been alone.

Most of the time, even though Jack was near, he was distracted or on the phone speaking in a gruff, hushed tone. Pain medication made it difficult for me to understand what he was saying. Since we came home and I started getting better, he took his calls in another room. I understood that it was important club business. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. I just wished he would look at me for more than the few seconds he’d glance my way before his eyes turned hard as ice and his jaw clenched as he ground his molars. Whenever he’d jerk his gaze away from me again, my heart clenched a little bit harder. I didn’t blame him, though. I hated me, too. Lock would still be alive if it weren’t for me.

I gingerly sat up, hoping that it would be the morning I wouldn’t have to run for the toilet, but the moment I was fully upright, sitting on the edge of the mattress, my stomach rebelled. I quickly scrambled around the end of the bed, nearly hitting my shin on the bedframe as I slid along the floor in my haste and made it to the toilet just in time to kneel carefully on the tile floor before losing the meager contents of my stomach.

When I was done, I flushed the toilet and waited patiently, breathing deeply through my nose while wiping my eyes and nose with toilet tissue. Sometimes, the nausea would linger, forcing me to drop right back down to the floor to heave a few more times. Fortunately, it seemed like it would be a good morning. As I let out a long exhale, the nausea seemed to stay at a manageable level.

I finally got up, rising just a little unsteadily to my feet. I crossed over to the sink, quickly brushing my teeth before heading back to the toilet to pee. I may have been squeezing my legs together there towards the end when I was spitting the toothpaste suds out into the sink, but getting the awful taste of vomit out of my mouth took priority over relieving my bladder.

I glanced at the shower, wanting to get cleaned up, but my energy levels were at rock bottom, and I just couldn’t bring myself to care. I turned back to the bedroom, walking around the foot of the bed to my side much slower that time, as Zero sat there, thumping his tail on the floor as he stared up at me with his wide doggy eyes. I sat down on the mattress with a heavy sigh as I eyed the hot mint tea and ginger cookies on my nightstand. Jack may have been more like a ghost around the house since I came home from the hospital, but he was still taking care of me. I blinked back the tears that threatened and rubbed a finger under my suddenly stinging nose, refusing to cry. Zero jumped onto the bed beside me and shoved his wet nose against my leg with a low whine. I absently stroked his scruff as I stared down into the steam curling from the tea.

I hadn’t allowed myself to cry since the first couple of weeks that we’d returned home after my release from the hospital. Jack’s physical presence but mental and emotional separation from me hurt so keenly. It was as if I could literally feel my heart cracking into pieces in my chest with every beat. I used to lock myself in the bathroom and cry tears as silently as I could. But after I overheard Jack talking to someone on the phone about having difficulty replacing Lock as Vice President, I stopped letting the tears fall. I didn’t deserve to let them. But I could do nothing about the ache in my chest.

I reached for the teacup with my left hand. As I wrapped my fingers around the handle, they were already beginning to tremble. I lifted the cup slowly, raising it two inches, then three off the wooden surface of the nightstand before the muscles in my arm started shaking so badly with the strain that a bit of the liquid sloshed over the side of the cup. I couldn’t hold the weight any longer and had to use my right hand to support the steaming tea before I dropped it and made another mess like the one I had made a few days ago in the kitchen.

With the help of my right hand, I brought the cup to my lips, lightly blowing on it before taking a sip. Jack made it perfectly, exactly how I liked it, with just a bit of honey. I didn’t know how a man who couldn’t stand the sight of me still cared enough to ensure my needs were being met. I closed my eyes as a new wave of pain swept through me. Perhaps it wasn’t me that he was caring for now. I was pregnant with his child. A part of me that got louder every day couldn’t help but wonder if I would still be sitting here in his home if I had lost the baby.

I shook my head as my nose stung and my eyes filled with tears again. But I looked up at the ceiling and blinked them back before any could fall. I wouldn’t allow myself to feel sorry for this situation I had found myself in. I thought of Lock and how he would smile as if he were always looking around the world and seeing how we were all fools. He was loyal and had a good heart. He had been the one responsible for Jack coming to my rescue the first night they had returned from the rally. If it wasn’t for Lock, I might have ended up the victim of sexual assault.

With a shaky arm, I slowly lowered the teacup to the nightstand. As the hot liquid sloshed over onto my fingers, I hissed in pain. Before I knew what was happening, Jack was stomping through the bedroom and into the bathroom. I could hear the water turn on for a brief moment before turning off again, and then he was in front of me. His large tattooed fingers engulfed my hand as he pressed the cool washcloth to the slight burn.

With a quick glance at my face before putting all his concentration on the cloth in his hand, he rumbled out an admonishment that made me feel two inches tall. “You need to watch what you’re doing.”

I swallowed through the lump in my throat and nodded weakly as I stared at his fingers, holding the cloth in place. I couldn’t speak. I knew he was right, but I could feel the irritation coming off of him in waves as he held my hand in his. In all the time we had been together, even at the beginning, I couldn’t remember feeling this way with him, and it hurt so badly.

Through my lashes, I could see him glance back up at me with a frown. Without another word, he straightened to his full height from where he’d been leaning over me. I could no longer see any part of him other than the bottoms of his legs and feet. He was already wearing his heavy motorcycle boots, and I knew he was about to leave for the clubhouse. He never stayed around the house for long anymore, and he hadn’t asked me to go with him to sit in his office while he worked since before theincident.

He paused for a long moment before turning and walking away. His footsteps stopped at the doorway, and I heard him tap his knuckles against the wooden door frame.

“I’ll bring something back for dinner.” A long pause. “Make sure you take your pill and stretch your arm.” Then he was striding down the hall, his heavy footsteps fading away. There was a pause, and then the front door opened, and I could hear the double beep of the alarm followed by a series of beeps as he armed it.

I glanced at the pill bottle on my nightstand next to the ginger cookies, the prenatal vitamins staring at me. Jack wanted me to take them, reminded me daily, and those were often the only words he spoke to me. A part of me wanted to throw the bottle across the room. I sighed and reached for the vitamins with my left hand since I wouldn’t have a strong enough grip to twist the lid off unless I used my right hand. I opened the bottle and then fished out one of the large pills. With a grimace, I placed it on my tongue and then picked up the fresh water bottle that was magically always there for me. I washed down the pill with several gulps of the cool water, then ate a cookie before my stomach could make too much of a fuss.

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