Page 6 of Unloved

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LENNOX

Iknow the words leave my mouth, but it’s jarring to realize that I can’t hear myself say them. It makes me wonder if I whispered them and if anybody actually heard me.

“Sammy,” I say in a rush. “Did you hear me? I can’t hear.”

He nods, and while the confirmation that he heard me and I didn’t hear him shatters me on the inside, I do my very best to focus on his touch and his presence; the only things calming my racing heart.

My mind refocuses on the play against USC, the fall, and the aftermath, as I siphon through every moment, searching for any clue that can explain exactly how I ended up here. My hand remains clasped with Samuel’s as the medical team slowly takes off my helmet, and then removes my shirt and shoulder pads. I know they’d be giving me updates every step of the way if I could hear them, but for now it’s obvious they’re banking on Samuel keeping me calm as they itemize my injuries.

When my helmet comes off, I catch sight of all their eyes widening.

“What is it?” I ask. “What’s wrong?”

Without thinking, Samuel’s mouth opens to tell me, but he catches himself at the last minute, brushing his fingers against my ear and then moving them in my line of sight so I can see.

“My ear’s bleeding?”

He nods.

I’m surprised by the relief this news provides me. It’s not an answer, but it’s a start.

A hand grazes over my collarbone and I wince. On instinct my head tilts toward the pain, and I’m surprised to realize it hurts; quite a lot.

Randy says something to his assistant, and the man leaves and comes back with his phone. The screen shows his notes app and the wordsWe think your collarbone is brokenhave been typed up on the screen.

The assistant returns to typing on the phone while Randy maneuvers my arm so my forearm is pressed against my chest.

I try my hardest to be patient, but frustration simmers below the surface, threatening to turn into anger; anger he doesn’t deserve, but that I can’t restrain.

With every passing minute, my life is changing before my very eyes, almost too fast to even adjust.

In tune with me like no other, Samuel releases my hand and takes the phone. He then looks at Randy and his assistant and points to the door. His mouth is moving, and even if I can’t hear the exact words, his request is not lost on me.

They exchange words back and forth, the conversation clearly heated, but watching Samuel advocate for me fills me with a warmth I didn’t think I could feel amongst all this rage. Eventually, they walk out of the room and Samuel sits on the edge of the examination bed.

I watch him talk into the phone and then he passes it to me.

My eyes scan the screen.

They think your collarbone is broken and maybe you were so distracted by your hearing that your body didn’t register the pain. They’re almost certain you’re not hurt anywhere else, but they want to check you one more time before we go to the hospital. We need to do something about the break and to work out what’s going on with your ears.

I hand him back the phone, and with as much energy as I can muster, I turn on my good shoulder and push myself up. My body aches, but there’s nothing alarming enough to keep me sitting here. Keeping my arm close to my chest, I swing my legs off to the side and hop down. I momentarily lose my balance, but Samuel is right there.

“I’m okay,” I assure him.

He narrows his eyes at me and raises the phone to his mouth, speaking into it. I wait for him to turn the screen toward me, trying to not let my impatience show.

They’re not going to be happy with you walking around like this. At least see what Randy has to say before we leave. I need to get our bags from the locker room anyway.

I don’t want to stay, and I don’t care about what Randy has to say, but I do want that look of worry and fear to disappear from Samuel’s face.

I’m not used to him looking at me like that or treating me with kid gloves. He’s my best friend, my equal, and there is no way in hell I’m letting whatever this is change that.

“I’m not lying back down,” I say petulantly, as if it even matters.

He nods, then walks out the door. Only a few seconds pass before Randy comes back in, the cell phone now his new accessory.

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