Page 34 of Unloved

She points at the paper and my eyes make their way down the list.

Air conduction thresholds

Bone conduction

Otoacoustic emissions

They’re just like jumbled words on a page at this point, and my face must give away my confusion because Judy points at the first bullet point with her pen and then points at the phone on the stand.

The first two are very common and will determine the percentage of hearing you have lost. The last test will be able to determine your inner ear health, and that will give us an indication of whether or not anything can be done to restore some hearing in the future.

I ignore the last line. Pretend like I didn’t read it, because I’m not in the business of hoping. And especially not about this. My life is irrevocably different now, and yes, the adjustment wears on me every moment of every day, but I know enough to know it won’t always feel this way.

It couldn’t always be an uphill climb, could it?

For this… forthis, I have hope.

12

RHYS

We need to talk.

Iread the text.

And read it again.

And again and again and again.

In all the years I have been trying to stay sober, my father rarely contacted me. I often tried to make amends and was almost always met with rejection. And every time I relapsed, my father found the time to remind me that he was glad he never bothered making the time to talk to me and hear my fake apologies, because in the end, I was nothing more than a waste of his time.

“Hey, man, are you okay?” Arlo’s voice startles me.

I blink a few times, taking in all the gym equipment around me, then look back at him. “Sorry, I just got lost in my head there for a minute.”

“You’re not worried about Lennox, are you? Frankie said he’ll let me know when they’re home. I don’t know if he’ll be up for visitors tonight, but I’m sure you can text him.”

Before reading my father’s text I had been nothing but consumed with thoughts of Lennox at his audiologist appointment. Samuel and I spent the rest of last night trying to distract him from whatever it was that had him so scared.

Arlo isn’t oblivious to the attachment that has formed between Lennox, Samuel, and me. And many times, his words of reassurance do exactly what they’re supposed to and comfort me.

But right now, I’m spiraling.

I can’t handle a message from my dad. Not on a good day, not on a bad day, not on a mediocre day. But he isn’t someone you ignored. If I don’t pander to his requests, he’ll hold it over me, punish me more than his silence ever could.

I’m mid-workout and have no desire to continue. My thought process and motivation have been derailed, and I know it’ll be almost impossible to find them again.

Not until I know what he wants.

“Rhys.” Arlo’s voice is full of worry now as he takes a seat beside me. “What is it?”

“I have to get out of here,” I announce. Shooting up from the weight bench, I grab my towel and water bottle and head to the locker room.

“Rhys, wait,” Arlo calls out.

My steps are harder, faster as I try to find my own space. When I round the corner, Arlo’s right behind me.

“Rhys, stop.”

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