Page 15 of Unloved

Depending on the outcome, this is going to be a constant in Lennox’s life—people assuming, people forgetting, people not really caring. It’s a perspective I’ve never had a reason to acknowledge, and it makes me feel more than a little disappointed in myself.

But above all those things, I want to protect him. He’s an adult; a boy who grew into the best type of man despite a continuous stream of hurdles he seemed to face. Finding out he has a brother he didn’t mention to me had been a little bit of a blow to my ego.

But I would be a hypocrite to feel that way, knowing I’m keeping a secret from him too.

I push the guilt down, because this isn’t the time or the place.

With Frankie and I now outside the hospital room, I expect it to be awkward, but Frankie surprises me when he turns to face me.

“Look,” he starts. “I can see how protective you are of Lennox, and I appreciate it. More than you know.”

I know we both have Lennox’s best interest at heart, and whatever the reason is he and Lennox are estranged, not loving and caring for his brother isn’t it. But if he thinks I’m just going to abandon Lennox, he’s got another thing coming.

I interject. “If you’re about to tell me you’ve got it handled from here on out and I can leave, I’m telling you now that isn’t going to happen.”

He doesn’t seem to be too surprised by my outburst, but it does momentarily silence him.

“I can see you care about Lennox,” he says, tone gentle. “And I’m grateful for that. Truly, I am. But I’m not trying to push you out. I’m just asking, albeit a bit forcefully, that he let me in.”

Caught completely off guard by his reasoning and vulnerability, I feel the adrenaline of the last forty-eight hours rush out of me, and I lean on the wall behind me, using it for support. I slide my body down, crouching on the floor, and bury my face in my hands.

I’m scared and exhausted. And the truth of what Lennox is facing makes my chest ache for reasons that are so profoundly selfish, it fills me with shame.

None of this was supposed to happen. Not for us, and especially not for him. And not before I found the courage to tell him how I truly feel.

I am Samuel Hart, in love with his best friend, living in denial and so fucking full of regret.

I’d been scared and waited too long, and now he might never hear those three words from my mouth. I know telling Lennox now would come across as a knee-jerk reaction, almost pity-like, and he deserves better than that.

He deserved better all along.

I thought I could show up to one of the best universities in the country and pretend like the life I lived before that moment didn’t matter. I told myself I was untouchable—Samuel Hart, son of Ramsey and Desiree Hart, living the American dream and attending UCLA on a football scholarship.

And then I met Lennox York.

I fell into Lennox on my first day of college, wide-eyed and excited. It wasn’t love, but I was falling into something—I just didn’t know it.

I didn’t know I was capable of falling for a guy, and I didn’t know I could fall so fast.

I’m so far from the untouchable person I thought I was. Sitting in this hospital, I’m closer to breakable than I’ve been in a really long time.

And I can’t afford to be.

Frankie’s voice interrupts my fall down the rabbit hole, and I turn my face to look at him.

“Why don’t you go home for a bit?” he suggests. “Take a shower? Maybe even a nap? He knows you’re here for him.”

A war wages inside of me, exhaustion completely consuming me. I take in Frankie’s face, so similar to Lennox’s, with nothing but genuine understanding in his expression.

He places a hand on my forearm. “I promise I’m not going to shut you out. Just go home and give yourself a moment, and by the time you come back, Lennox and I will have it all worked out.”

I run a hand down my face and sigh. “Fine,” I concede, also wanting to give Lennox and Frankie the space to do and say what they want without an audience. “I’ll go, but I’ll be the one to tell him.”

6

LENNOX

My eyes stay trained on Frankie as he walks back into the hospital room sans Samuel, who’s probably already home, showered and hopefully getting some sleep. I notice Frankie has also gone somewhere and freshened up, now wearing dark jeans and a gray tee, looking more comfortable than when he arrived. It makes me wonder where he’s staying and for how long.

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