Page 32 of Unloved

I turn, keeping my head in Samuel’s lap. “I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

Clem speaks into her phone but keeps her eyes trained on me. I’ve come to realize the break in eye contact to constantly look down and text takes its toll on the conversation. It felt rude and abrupt at first, because it goes against the grain not to look at someone when you’re having a conversation with them.

If losing my hearing has taught me anything, it’s that change holds all the power. Change is the pinnacle of my fear, my truth, and my pain, but I also know that with change there is hope.

But hope just feels a little too hard to find these days.

Clem’s message comes through

Call us if you need anything.

“I will.”

Clem and Remy stand side by side and simultaneously raise their closed fists in the air, in what’s become our signature goodbye. They both release their thumb, forefinger, and pinky all at the same time.

I love you.

If watching them sign to me wasn’t so damn sweet, their insistence to reassure me of their love would be comical.

I mirror their actions and feel that sliver of relief at having people in my life who love and care for me. Again, the thought takes me right back to Rhys, and my eyes move to him of their own volition.

He’s staring back at me this time, but his eyes are more on Samuel and me than they are on the retreating Clem and Remy.

My skin pebbles as he watches us, a feeling that’s entirely new and very reminiscent of the awareness I feel around Samuel. My body is heating up from the inside out as Samuel continues to brush my hair with his fingers and Rhys holds my gaze.

Needing a reprieve from something I can’t quite understand, I abruptly sit up and swing my legs over the couch before standing up.

I expect Samuel to be looking at me with confusion and concern, but his eyes are filled with the same curiosity swimming in Rhys’s.

“I’ll be back,” I announce. “I just need to check in with Frankie about something.”

I don’t bother waiting for a response, because there’s nothing I need either of them to say. Rushing into the kitchen, I’m met with a kissing Arlo and Frankie.

“Ah, fuck, I’m sorry,” I blurt out, announcing my presence.

I don’t even bother waiting for their reaction and turn right back around and head back to Samuel and Rhys, who are now staring at me with concern. Rhys points at me and then his thumb, index finger, and middle finger curl in an O and then he flicks them open before returning the tip of his thumb to the point between his index and middle finger, signing the letter K.

I don’t know enough sign language to have even scratched the surface yet—the use of your fingers to make letters that spell out words seems almost impossible every time I try. But every now and then Rhys will sign something, like now, and my brain would put those puzzle pieces together so damn quickly it surprised me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say. “I’m just thrown off because of my appointment tomorrow.”

It isn’t a complete lie, and it’s the perfect cover-up.

Both Samuel and Rhys reach for their phones, and I put my hands up, shaking them along with my head. “It’s okay,” I lie. “I just need a good night’s sleep and I’ll be fine.”

At this, Samuel stands and speaks into his phone and brings it close to my face, since mine is still on the couch.

Do you want us to go home?

My shoulders fall on a loud exhale. I don’t want them to leave. I’m flustered by their presence, but I’m not ready for them to go yet.

“Stay,” I say, my eyes darting between the both of them. “Please.”

Their faces soften in relief, almost like they aren’t ready to part ways either. “I think we have ice cream,” I say stupidly. “Do you guys want some?”

Before either of them answer, Samuel points toward himself and then in the direction of the kitchen, telling me he’ll get the ice cream.

Nodding, I walk back to the couch and am surprised when Rhys rises off the recliner and takes a seat beside me. Close up, I can see the gradual change in his facial features since the first time I laid eyes on him. He’s a little less sad, cheeks a little less hollow, skin showing off a little more color. The change in him is like watching the formation of a rainbow after a storm.

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