Page 19 of My Not-So-Secret Santa

“Speaking of missing things.”CJ checks her phone.“We should get out of here if you want to get changed before we see that movie and grab dinner.”But instead of standing, she leans forward and peeks around Liv to give me a hard look.“Liv was right,” she finally declares.“You’re as cute as I remember.”

“Oh my god.”Liv snaps into her all-business mode and shoves her friend until they’re both out of the booth.“Gabe, a pleasure.Darby, can I get your number from Jonesy so we can make plans for next week?And Jonesy, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye!”CJ calls as Liv tows her away.Then they’re gone, and I’m left with two pairs of eyes boring into me.

“Well,” Gabe says, “thatwas interesting.”

“Fuck off,” I mutter, watching enviously as he goes for a second helping of risotto.It’s delicious, but I’m dancing tonight, so I can’t indulge.“I’m the guy she complains about Christmas decorations with.He’s the guy she gets off to.”

“That’s also you, sweetie,” Darby says gently.“How does she not know that?”

“I didn’t…” I jam my fingers in my hair in bewilderment.“I didn’t know!I waited on them two weeks ago and thought Liv was completely…” I sigh, uncomfortable with talking about feelings quite this openly.“I wanted to follow her to her car and beg to drink her bathwater if she’d let me, okay?But I figured I’d never see her again, and then she turned up at the club that Saturday.”

“How did she not recognize you?”Gabe asks around a mouthful of risotto.Lucky fucker.

“Santa hat and beard.Sunglasses.Dark lighting.”I shrug.“And then she turned up here looking for a job without mentioning anything about Luke, and I figured she forgot all about him.Me.Whatever.”

“So you’re going to tell her now.”Darby’s telling, not asking.

“Hell.I guess so?I didn’t mean to keep anything from her.I just figured she forgot all about him—uh, me—two seconds after she left the club.If I’d known she hadn’t, I would’ve kept you two far away from her.”I gesture to the spot next to me as if she were still sitting there.“She did say she was never going back, so maybe that’s the last time she’ll think about him.Um, me.”

When Darby slants me a stern librarian look, Gabe steps in.

“He’s kind of got a point.Wouldn’t Jonesy’s telling her just to clear his conscience actually make it weirder for her?”

And weirder for me.“Thing is,” I say, “women who know me as a dancer first have all these…ideas.They want the crazy, no-inhibitions sex guy, and that’s fun for a while, but it makes having an actual relationship impossible.”I shrug uncomfortably.“A year ago, that wouldn’t have bothered me as much.But if Liv finds out I’m Luke and she treats me like some kind of plaything…” I scrub my hand over my eyes, unwilling to look at them for this last bit.“I don’t know if I can take it.”

I realize Gabe and Darby have both frozen as I’ve been talking.Gabe recovers first.“An actual relationship?”he asks, his eyebrows practically touching his hairline.

Darby beams at me.“Oh honey, you like her!”

“Well, you’ve met her.How can I not?”

I’ve lived for every one of the slow smiles I’ve earned from her as I buzz by the hostess stand, saving up my best conversational nuggets just for her.Working with Liv is the most fun I’ve ever had at Verdant, and I don’t want to risk all that by coming clean.But I also can’tnottell her.

“Maybe it’s moot,” I say slowly.“She’s leaving town in a few weeks, so it’s not like we can actually be anything serious.”If she was even interested in dating the funny-guy waiter she just met, which I’m sure she’s not.“If she’s really putting it behind her like she said, why tell her the truth and make her uncomfortable around me?”

It’s a cop-out, but it’s a cop-out that spares Liv from harm, so I’m going to embrace it.

Gabe wolfs down his final bite and pushes the plate away from him.“You know, if you were working with me, you wouldn’t have any of these problems.”He links his hands over his stomach and looks at me expectantly.

He wants me to quit dancing and quit my job here so I can work with him at the landscaping company.Hell, even though Darby likes to joke that HG stands for “hot guy,” I know Gabe named it after the two of us.

Temptation rises hard and fast until I remember how easy it is for new businesses to fail in their first five years.So I tap into my most Jonesy self and shoot them ano fucks givensmile, even though it hurts me to do it.

“Only one job, and I never have to lie about it?Where’s the fun in that?”

Better they think I’m not willing to stop chasing thrills than the actual truth.I’m terrified about Gabe putting his trust in me.That I’ll fuck it up and cost him and Darby their future.That my family’s just started to rely on me, and I could let them down too.All my chatter at Liv the other day about being unreliable?I wasn’t actually kidding.Ask anybody and they’ll tell you.Wyatt’s the good one, and Jonesy’s the fuckup.

Well.My mom wouldn’t say “fuckup,” but we all know that Wyatt has the MBA and the Beamer and the boring fiancée.Me?I have the high school diploma and the job I won’t talk about in front of my siblings and the string of two-week hookups who get off on screaming matches and tend to steal my shit when they finally leave.

“Seriously, you’re doing great without me,” I tell the man who foolishly wants to go into business with the guy who opened his first savings account last year.“Give it another planting season and see if you still need me on board.”

His mouth tightens.“I’m not going to give up and hire somebody else.”

“We’ll see.”I stand and grab our dishes, dumping them all on the tray.“Let me put this away so Samson has one less thing to yell about tomorrow.”

I disappear into the kitchen to clean up all traces of our after-hours meal.When I emerge, Gabe’s helping Darby into her coat, and as I walk them to the exit, Darby says, “Tomorrow?I thought you didn’t work Sundays.”

---