Page 83 of Knot Your Possession

“It’s not you, Ava. You have to know that.” I did, but it didn’t help ease the ache. The pained look on his face said he knew that, too. “What does it feel like, the bond?” he asked.

“Safety, comfort, connection,” I said. Even now, I could feel my mates sending me comfort at the feel of my shifting emotions. I could feel the aching sadness welling up the more I touched him, despite how hard I tried to stuff it down. It felt selfish, when I already had so much, to feel lost without him, too. Yet he felt so desperately essential to me, and to the pack.

He groaned as he stooped and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he kissed me. He rocked against me in a smooth, rolling motion that had my blood heating in seconds.

“Ava, it’s not selfish to tell me what you need. I want to feel that connection to you, too,” Cary said as he sighed and pulled back slightly, stilling his hips. “But being back here, the sense of danger to you. It’s messing with my head.”

“Nobody is here but us, Cary. Nobody is getting to me now.”

“It doesn’t feel like it. There’s a shadow following you I can almost feel. As if something is going to grab you whenever you’re in these walls if we let you out of our sight. It’s putting my instincts on edge.”

“We’ve had no time since we ran to deal with everything we had to endure here, Cary. If being back in here is bringing it back up for you, do you need to get out of here? Maybe we could sleep outside again?” I was desperate to find a way past this for him.

“No, inside or outside isn’t the problem. If I could, I’d take us far away from here, but we need to make sure the other omegas are safe. Especially Angel.”

“Okay, but is that all? I don’t see why that would hold you back from Wolf?” I hated pushing him, but I needed to know what we were dealing with before I could help him.

He groaned, but I wouldn’t let this go. I was determined to reach him behind the walls he was trying to put up between us, and the pack, too. He pushed a strand of hair that had escaped my bun back behind my ear in a movement that was so gentle and caring, it almost broke me. He looked me straight in the eye with our bodies wrapped around each other. I could see his soul in his eyes as he begged me to understand something he struggled to find the words to express.

“I’m scared of an alpha bond,” he finally whispered. The words felt as if they were bleeding out of him. “I’ve held the omega part of myself back for so long, I don’t know what will happen when we start touching each other. I don’t want to lose myself.”

I could see the truth of his words. Those green eyes, so similar to mine, were hiding nothing from me now.

“I get it’s scary for you. But they’d never hurt you, Cary. You know that, right?”

“What if I hurt them? What if I can’t be what they need? I don’t know how to be an omega for them and still feel like me.”

“Oh, Cary, they don’t need you to be anything but yourself. I can feel Wolf’s emotions when he looks at you. He just wants you to be happy. I want that too.”

Despite everything I had gone through, I loved being an omega. For me, an extra set of senses had opened up when I presented. One that helped me connect with the world on a deeper level. I felt stronger, more in touch with my surroundings and my instincts. I wanted Cary to feel that, too.

I put my hand up to his chest and felt his heart as it raced. I wanted to be so in tune with him I could feel it even when I wasn’t touching him.

“You’re so rare, Cary. Nobody knows what to expect from you. Your father made you feel as if that was a burden, because you made him question his prejudices. But have you ever thought that it actually sets you free? You get to decide who and what you want to be. All you have to do is look within your heart and figure out what that is. There is no rule book. None of us are saying you can’t be strong and a fighter, because you’re an omega. Do you see Lexie, or Maia holding back? Whatever feels right to you, we’ll be on the sidelines, cheering you on. That’s what it means to be a pack.”

A range of emotions played across Cary’s face so quickly it was hard to pick them all, but hope stood out.

“What if they try to keep me safe, protect me, if we’re bonded? When what I really want is to be trusted to protect the people I care about,” Cary asked me.

“They trust you now, Cary. Have the twins or Wolf ever tried to limit you? They’ve already started training you.”

“I know, but what if that changes once we’re bonded? They’re alphas. What if they can’t control it?”

“I don’t think it will change. It’s not who they are. But that comes down toyourtrust. Do not let anyone bite and claim you if you don’t trust them, Cary. You just need to be clear about what you need, and decide who you trust to help you get there. Do you feel as if Wolf is your alpha? It felt pretty clear to me. If it doesn’t for you, that’s okay. Ryder would do it if you only wanted a pack bond, not a mate bond.”

Cary tried to look away suddenly, but I grabbed his face and brought it back to me. I wasn’t letting him hide from this, or me, anymore. I couldn’t help him through this if he wasn’t honest with me or himself.

“I get it’s a hard question, Cary. But you can’t run from it. It’s hurting us all.”

He bit his lip and stilled before he gave me a sharp nod in recognition of my words. His nod was a slice through this moment in time. The before and the after. His answer, either way, could change our future. He paused for a moment and the breath in my lungs vanished.

“Wolf feels like my alpha,” he finally admitted in a quiet, shaky voice. “The moment he rounded that bend in the moonlight and started throwing alphas around, I felt a pull to him. I didn’t have time to be scared then. It wasn’t until later, when we were back here and memories hit me of all the alphas that have messed with me, that my head started questioning it. The pull is there, though, so it wouldn’t feel right to let anyone else claim me. Wolf is mine, in the same way you are.”

“Okay.” I let out the breath I’d been holding, and Cary did too. I tried to keep my face neutral, but inside I was doing cartwheels. I could feel how hard that had been for him to say out loud. His body relaxed against me now, as his tension left him. “So, now you just need to decide if you trust him. Or at least give him a chance to earn it.”

“I already told Wolf last night this wasn’t about trust. He’s wild, but he’s also the most steadfast person I’ve ever met. So I guess I’m out of excuses,” Cary murmured.

A small smile hovered at the edges of his lips before he kissed me lightly. I could feel a growing acceptance within Cary that made him feel lighter in our fragile bond. “How did you get to be so smart about this stuff?” he asked.

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