Page 18 of Jalen & Colby

I give her a look only I, as her ‘baby’ brother, could get away with. “There’s nothing wrong with either of those things,” I inform her.

“Yes, but neither of those things have penises, either, darling,” she says matter-of-factly, waving her wine glass at me.

I snort. “You want the girls to hear you talking like that?” I admonish.

It’s her turn to blow a raspberry. “They’re both at secondary school now. They know exactly what penises are and to not let any grotty boys put them in their bodies for several more years.”

Realizing I’m never going to win a parenting argument with an actual parent, I shake my head. So long as my nieces are both safe and happy, that’s all I care about. I feel grateful that Anisha loves them both enough for two parents, considering that her ex has run off with a woman half his age and now barely remembers his daughters’ birthdays.

I, on the other hand, make sure to post their gifts a month in advance so they definitely arrive back in the UK in time.

It’s moments like these I do wish I wasn’t so far away. Life here in Sydney suits me so well. The climate, the people, the size of the city and all that. But I do miss my family. My parents are getting on a bit now as well. I do hate the special and not-so-special occasions I miss out on from being on the other side of the planet.

Speaking of which, my big sister isn’t afraid to call me out. Again.

“So you still not coming home for Christmas this year?” she asks with a raised eyebrow, flicking her braids over her shoulder, an impressive move, considering both her hands are still full.

I sigh. “I’m sorry, sis. I really am. It just…didn’t work out.”

That’s a lie, and we both know it. She just doesn’t understandwhyI haven’t come back for the holidays—or at all—since I emigrated. But the truth is kind of embarrassing. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t go back until I met someone special. Someone to introduce them all to. Every year I thinknext year,and then that turns into this year and so on.

“Well, I suppose you’ll spend it on the beach like usual, yeah? Lucky bastard.”

She grins to show me she means it. Christmas in the sun really is great once you get used to it. I still get nostalgic when I see dark, snowy nights in holiday films and the like. But I know I am pretty blessed.

“I’m actually on my way to the beach now,” I tell her. “That’s what my friends and I are doing. One of them works shifts, so we thought we’d have a little early Christmas today.”

She makes another squeaky noise and looks at me with big, wet eyes. “Babe, I love that. You go have a great time. Make some memories. Take photos and send them to me.”

“I will,” I promise.

“And get some dick!” she shouts a little too loudly before cackling and hanging up on me.

The path down to the beach has got a fair number of people on it, so I wince apologetically at those who are looking back at me. But a couple of young women toast me with their suntan lotion bottles and give a little cheer. So I just laugh and shake it off.

I think it’s more that I wouldn’t want Jalen and Colby to think that was my intention. I mean,yes.They are both gorgeous, and my heart races whenever I see them. But the whole point of this is to look after them, so I’ve been trying to keep myunmentionablesunmentioned.

Except I had this dream the other night that they were kissing each other for me. Jalen was giggling and kept looking over to make sure I was watching.

“Do you like that, Daddy?”he’d asked.

When I woke up, I had no choice but to sort myself out. It didn’t escape my attention that it’s been a very long while since I came that hard and fast only from my own hand. But afterward in the shower I felt ashamed. I don’t want to disrespect them like that.

So I won’t. It’s that simple. We’re friends, and that’s all.

It’s not hard to find the boys once I get down to Manly Beach. It’s pretty small and tucked out of the way compared to some other beaches nearby. But also Jalen is wearing a bright pink sarong over his zebra print Speedos with matching pink heart-shaped glasses that make him look like Malibu Barbie. I love it.

The other day I double-checked his pronouns with him as he wears a lot of feminine things, and I was worried I should be addressing him differently. He said any are good but masculine ones are fine as a default. He told me that men can be beautiful just like women, and I couldn’t have agreed more. I still think he’s brave for being his authentic self, though.

He has no fear as he waves at me with his whole arm. He doesn’t care who’s looking. Even Colby manages a smile and a little wiggle of his fingers.

There goes my heart again, racing off into the distance.

“How’s your sister?” Colby asks. I’d sent them on ahead when she called so she and I could have a little catch up.

I plop onto the blanket they’ve laid on the warm sand. “Giving me grief for missing Christmas again,” I say with a laugh that mostly manages to mask my guilt. “I promised her maybe next year.”

Jalen sighs and cracks open an equally pink hand fan. “Yeah, my family was a little bit sad. But I only got here a few months ago. It’s not like I have the money to fly back out again so soon. Like you say, I’ll probably see them next year anyway.”

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