Page 34 of Brute's Mate

No matter what, I cannot become his mate.

Chapter19

BRUTE

When Jenny exitsher quarters and notices me standing near the alcove, she slowly approaches but doesn’t quite meet my eyes. My chest constricts, my ancestral markings tingle, and I swear I can feel her immense sadness as though it’s my own.

Without speaking, I take her hand gently in mine and guide her to the alcove. Once we’re inside, I close the curtain, then sweep her up in my arms and sit down with her cradled in my lap. She doesn’t place her arms around my neck or waist like she usually does. Instead, she remains very still, her eyes fixed on the Darrvason fleet and the stars streaming by outside the shared hyperdrive bubble.

I don’t like the distance that gapes between us, and I hug her more tightly to my chest. I’m about to demand what’s wrong, even though I have a fair idea, when I hear her thoughts in my head almost as clearly as if she’d spoken aloud.

I need to push him away.

We can’t mate. We can’t share a heartbond.

I can’t leave Mom. She’ll be broken if I leave.

So many people are about to die. My friends… I can’t believe people I knew from Leona’s Speakeasy tried to kill the Darrvasons.

I shouldn’t let Brute hold me right now. Oh but his arms feel so nice and I feel safe with him. I wish I didn’t like him so much. I wish he’d never noticed me in the mess hall that day. If only he’d never noticed me, everything might be okay, and I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting Mom.

Stop stop stop. I must stop thinking sad thoughts or I’ll break down in tears in front of Brute. I don’t want to cry in front of him. I don’t want to look weak.

I need to be strong and push him away, even if I hurt his feelings.

How do I push him away? What should I say? Directly telling him I don’t want to become his mate hasn’t worked yet…

I peer down at Jenny in utter shock, and she finally glances up to meet my eyes. She blinks fast against the glimmer of tears and swallows hard. I just heard her thoughts. Word for word. I can scarcely believe it. That sort of thing isn’t supposed to happen until a heartbond is well-developed between a mated pair.

Why is it happening now?

I think about the time we’ve spent together and the intimacies we’ve shared since I first spotted her in the mess hall. Perhaps the carnal activities we’ve enjoyed are the reason for my ability to hear her thoughts. Perhaps the heartbond is starting to form between us even though we haven’t copulated yet.

My possessiveness for her heightens, as well as my need to claim and conquer her, and I briefly consider carrying the little female to my quarters.

But her sorrow is breaking my heart, and I can’t in good conscience claim her when she’s on the verge of tears and mourning the impending death of people she cares about. Even if our heartbond is on the verge of clicking into place.

“In a few days, sixty souls are going to be sentenced to death,” she says in a distant voice. “Sixty men who were involved in a plot that would’ve caused thousands of your people to die. I-I don’t know why I’m so upset they’re going to be executed. What they were planning was terrible. Unconscionable.”

I cup her face and press a gentle kiss to her forehead, then pull back to meet her stark blue eyes. “You have a tender heart, Jenny. I don’t,” I say. “At least not when it comes to my enemies. I would gladly slaughter those sixty males with my bare hands, but alas, the terms of the alliance prevent me from doing so. When they enter the depressurization chamber, however, I plan to be there. I plan to stare them in the eyes and savor their panic just before they perish.” I’m not certain why I’m confessing my bloodlust to her. The words simply spill out.

To my surprise, her expression holds no judgment as she continues looking at me. If anything, she appears thoughtful. Maybe curious. Eventually, she says, “Your homeworld was destroyed by an enemy. Wasn’t it? That’s why your people don’t have any females left. That’s why you’re also looking for a habitable planet. And that’s why you’re eager to savor the fear of the rebels as they die. You have an appetite for justice. And yet… you’re capable of mercy. Without your intervention, those ten women would be executed too. But you went out of your way to save them, and I think you probably had to threaten Captain Warren just to get your way. I know him. I know he would’ve wanted all seventy of the remaining rebels to die, both men and women.”

I stiffen, taken aback by her perceptiveness. “Yes, my homeworld, Darrva, was destroyed by a great enemy of my people—the Yelltzins. It happened twenty-five years ago. Yes, we lost nearly all our females during the attack. I was a child at the time, visiting my cousin and uncle on theHaxxal—back then, Admiral Tornn’s father was the captain of the lead ship in our fleet—and after the destruction of our homeworld, we hunted the Yelltzins down. We showed them no mercy. We…” My voice trails off as I recall the bloodshed. “We destroyed the Yelltzin’s planet in a brutal act of vengeance, killing all their females and offspring, then we decimated their fleet.”

She places a hand on my chest, and her eyes gleam with understanding. “How old were you when planet Darrva was destroyed?”

“By human standards, I was eleven.” I draw in a deep breath as dark memories crash over me. “Destroying the Yelltzin’s fleet and killing all their male warriors was justice, but what we did to their homeworld wasn’t. Even as a child, I knew it was wrong. Killing all those females and children... It haunts me to this day. It haunts Admiral Tornn and Emperor Radakk as well. Especially Emperor Radakk. It was his father who gave the order, and millions of innocents died.”

She reaches up and cups the side of my face, and her gentle touch soothes the jagged edges of my soul.

“Two hundred human males were killed on theHaxxal, and in a few days, sixty more will die in a depressurization chamber. I am sorry you grieve for them, little female. But they are not innocents. They deserve the fate that awaits them.”

A single tear rolls down her cheek, and I brush it away with my thumb. She sniffles and nods. “As sad as I am about all the deaths, I’m glad The Saviors didn’t succeed. More people would’ve died, human and Darrvason, if they’d managed to steal theHaxxaland overthrow Captain Warren. Civil war would’ve broken out on theJansonna.”

What if I’m responsible for some of the deaths?

What if my rebellious songs inspired some of The Saviors?

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