Page 63 of A Game of Secrets

I knew then that that was the last time he'd ever do that to me. I grabbed a few items of clothing and my bank card and passport. I left everything else behind. I shoved it all in a rucksack, took one last look at this hell I'd called home and left it behind me. First I went to an ATM and withdrew as much as I could before destroying the bank card. I then made my way to the local bus station and got on the first one out of town. I headed straight to Vegas. I turned up on Max's doorstep half dead and about a month later I discovered I was pregnant. I had nowhere else to hide and I couldn't risk Vinny finding Teddy. It wasn't about me anymore, it was about my baby and keeping him safe."

Lucille stayed silent for a while after she’d finished before she looked at me with tears forming in her eyes, her hands were shaking, fuck her whole body was shaking and it broke my fucking stone cold heart. The shit she went through, I can’t even imagine. It makes my blood boil hearing all the shit he put her through. I swear I’ll kill him.

I bring my hands to her face making her look me in the eye before gently kissing her soft lips "Topolino, I'm so sorry that happened to you, but know that he will never get to lay another hand on you or get close to Teddy while I’m around. I will lay down my life for you both." Tears begin to fall down her face and I swipe them away with my thumb. She inches forward and kisses me again, harder this time as if she needs it to take away her pain. It's heaven and I'll easily lose myself in her spell if I let her continue, but I have to move back. I have to tell her my fucked up past. “I need to tell you my story, Topolino. It's not a happy one, it doesn’t start happy and doesn't end happily either. It only ends with my vengeance and I hope to God it doesn't frighten you away from me." Her eyes widen in response but she stays silent allowing me my time.

16 years ago

“Coming home from school never felt like a relief for me. Most kids run home and look forward to chilling out and spending time with friends and family. It definitely wasn’t like that for me. My father ruled with an iron fist and being a child wasn’t an excuse as far as he was concerned. After our mother died, it was like she took the soul of our home with her. There were so many secrets held within the walls, secrets I wished I didn’t know. Silas and Linc always tried to shield me from the violence but there’s only so much they could do.

Most days, Silas or Linc would meet me when I got home from school to check in and make sure I got something to eat. On this particular day, there was no one waiting for me. I shrugged it off, figuring our father had them on a job. I walked into the kitchen to grab a snack before I made a start on my homework, when I heard the front door open. I figured it was Silas or some of fathers men so I carried on until I realized that it was eerily quiet. One thing about our house was that there was always noise somewhere. I looked up and saw three men standing in the doorway dressed all in black with balaclavas covering their faces. How fucked up is it that I didn’t even flinch. I didn’t even scream. It wasn’t until they walked into the kitchen that I realized something was wrong. I tried to run but they grabbed me and tied my wrists and feet before stuffing a rag in my mouth. All I remember thinking is that they weren’t there for me, I was just being secured so that they could get their job done. I went limp and complied, thinking they would move on and leave me alone. How fucking naive! A needle pierced my neck and the room swayed. The last thing I remember is the three guys laughing at me as it all went black.

When I came to, I had no idea where I was. It was dark and cold and wet. It smelled like death. I remember thinking that it smelled like the basement at home. I wasn’t allowed in there, Silas and Linc always told me that I was better off not knowing what went on in there.

It felt like days before I saw someone, they chucked a bottle of water at me and forced pills down my throat. I didn’t care what the pills were by that point. My arm was broken and I just wanted a break from the fear and pain. This routine continued for a few days before one of them finally spoke to me. They told me that I had been taken to make my father get in line, to know his place. I just remember thinking that I’d never get out because there was no way my father would do what they wanted. My only hope was Silas and Linc, I just had to hold on for them to find me.

By that point I was well and truly hooked on the pills they were feeding me, I craved the silence and peace they gave me. My dreams were an escape.

One time I woke up feeling more sore than usual, memories of mens hands touching me, whispers in my ears of depraved things, things I couldn’t understand. My asshole was on fire and I couldn’t sit properly without pain. My mind wouldn’t allow me to comprehend what was happening. It was like I didn’t have access to that part of my brain or my memories. I didn’t care, I just wanted to go back to sleep.

My next round of pills were delivered and I greedily guzzled them down with my water. I laid down, waiting for oblivion to take me away but it didn’t come. I looked around the dank room and watched a group of men filing in. They stood around my mattress on the floor watching me, grabbing at their crotches. I tried to call out but realized that I couldn’t move or talk. Whatever pills they’d given me this time were different to the usual ones. I panicked and their smiles grew. It was like they were enjoying it.

I’ll spare you the details of what happened next because I don’t think either of us are strong enough for that.” I look up at Lucille to make sure she’s OK. Her face is soaked in tears that fall freely down her face. She hasn’t moved a muscle since I began, and doesn’t try to comfort me as I continue, which I’m secretly grateful for.

“After they finished with me, they filed back out of the room laughing and patting each other on the back, like they’d achieved some great feat. Sensation had returned to my arms and legs hours before but fear had held me prisoner. I was so scared that if I moved, they would get more imaginative. Once the door closed and I heard the lock engage, I let it all out. I cried and cried until no sound came out at all. I crawled into a ball and dragged a dirty blanket over myself, desperate for sleep to carry me away.

I woke up to the sound of an explosion rocking the building. Dust and debris fell on me but I stayed as still as possible, desperately trying to hear what was happening. I remember hearing Silas’ voice between the bursts of gunfire. It was like a ray of light in the darkness but as soon as the feeling of happiness hit me, it was overshadowed by shame. I didn’t want my brother to see me this way. I didn’t want him to know that I was broken.” I take a breath, battling with the familiar tendrils of anxiety flowing through my body. I need to finish this now, I wouldn’t do this for anyone other than my Topolino, bearing my soul to only her, she is my everything. She needs to understand why I am the way I am.

“I managed to grab a few scraps of clothing that were left on the ground. The thought of putting on my uniform again was weird. It was one of the reasons I never returned to school. Linc found me first. It was like he knew I’d been through hell. He didn’t ask questions, didn’t even ask if I was OK, he knew I wasn’t. He gave me his shirt and I followed him out of the basement. The sight that greeted me is ingrained in my mind forever. Silas stood over the bodies of my captors covered in blood, chest heaving as the adrenaline of the kills ebbed and flowed through him. He looked like Satan himself. He turned to see me standing in the doorway, nodded and we walked out. I don’t remember what happened next. My next conscious memory is being in a facility. They helped me detox from the drugs and helped me heal physically. Mentally we all know that I’ll never be normal but I hope that helps you understand why I am the way that I am. My scars run deep”

Lucille still hasn’t moved, she’s still sitting next to me, tears pouring down her face. I lean over and take her face in my hands again brushing my thumb over her lips. “Topolino, please say something. I understand if it’s too much to handle. I understand if this changes how you see me” She takes a deep shaky breath but never breaks eye contact with me.

“We are not our pasts. Would you ever hold my past over me Cole?” she asks,searching deep within my soul.

“Never, Topolino.”

“Cole, I called you today because as crazy as it sounds. I trust you. I trust you with my heart, but most of all, I trust you with my son. I know deep down that you would protect us with every fiber of your being. Our souls call to each other, yours the dark and mine the light. Together we complete each other and wherever we are, in whatever lifetime, we will always find each other. I know that now.”

I smile at her, it’s a genuine smile and I have to blink back my own tears as they threaten my eyes. She sees me, she understands me, she accepts me.

As if a band snaps, we dive at each other. Our lips collide and I want nothing more than to drown in her. I trace my hands down her body while her hands explore mine in return.

Her curves are irresistible, my hand finds the waistband of her pants and I slip my hand inside and beneath her damp underwear. She's wet for me, she wants me so badly but I need to show restraint, I want to be selfish with her. I stroke her clit and move my fingers between her folds, as she gasps into each kiss. I push a finger slowly into her sweet pussy and she moans as I begin to move my fingers in and out of her, so agonizingly slow. Her mewls let me know she's hungry for more and she rolls her hips against my hand. "Your greedy pussy likes that, Topolino." I whisper into her ear as her hot mouth sucks on my neck.

I increase the movement and insert a second finger into her tight opening causing her to cry out, "More! Cole, I need your cock." Fuck I deserve a medal for the amount of restraint i’m showing. I continue to thrust my fingers and rub my thumb on her clit quickly pushing her to her climax as she gushes over my hand, panting and shivering from her high. She rests her head on my shoulder as I remove my hand to lick her juices from my fingers.

"So sweet," I mumble, sucking them clean. She looks at me, hurt and confusion taking over her face. Oh Fuck. I can’t stand the way she’s looking at me like that. I close my eyes and sigh. I have to tell her the truth. She will definitely run from me after this. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the aftermath of my revelation, "Topolino, it's not that I don't want to, you have to know that I want nothing more than to sink my cock into every one of your tight holes over and over until you all but beg me to stop. But I can’t, not yet. You have to know that my tastes are different from normal. I need control and restraint. I prefer to work in a playroom. I have a lust for knives and blood and dominance. I know it's not everyone's taste and I don't want to pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with. I can still be with you like this and satisfy you but if you’re open to it, I'd like very much to show you. Sex is different for me, it’s transactional in nature because of my past. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t mind blowing and I can assure you, I will push you to your limits but we can discover those together. You need to be sure first, think about it, really think about it, Topolino. I have never wanted to share any of this with anyone before you. Not even my brothers know the true extent of what happened to me in that basement. How fucked up I really am. It’s the hardest thing in the world for me to not plough you into oblivion, but I won’t without your full understanding, your full consent.” I stand to leave afraid that she’ll kick me out anyway if I don’t.

Lucille looks shocked as I move, I can see her taking in everything I just laid bare. I move away as she stops me, "Thank you for sharing everything with me Cole. Telling you about my past and knowing that you understand means everything to me… I'll think about what you said. I’m intrigued but I need to sit with it for a while. But please know that It doesn't change how I feel about you."

I smile at her, this beautiful fucking woman isn’t scared. She isn’t angry. She isn’t disgusted. She accepts me for me and that’s more than what I could have asked for. I’ll marry her one day, I swear it.

"Buonanotte, il mio topolino."

As I get into the car to leave her house I make a final phone call. "Enzo, I have some business I need to take care of but Lucille needs some security. I want you over here now to stay outside her apartment while I’m gone.”

“I’ll be there in ten, boss” He answers.

“This will be your top priority from now on. I'll wait here until you arrive."

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