Page 59 of A Game of Secrets

After locking the door behind Lincoln I check in on Teddy once more before heading straight to bed. I'm in a euphoric state of exhaustion and it takes seconds for sleep to overwhelm me, pulling me into lucid dreams of Lincoln, Silas and Cole as young boys running through the park and playing hide and seek with one another. The dreams turn dark and flash as the young boys transform into grown men with blood dripping from their hands as a disfigured body lies at their feet. I move closer and it's almost like I’m floating, my feet don't seem to be touching the ground but as soon as I notice the face, the dream swirls to black. His eyes snap open and a stream of deep red blood rushes out of the sockets covering his face before he calls my name, choking on his blood as it drowns him. I jolt awake suddenly gasping for air, a layer of sweat sticks to my body and I have to swallow the bile rising in my throat. The sunlight is just starting to pierce through the window and although I know I'm alone in my room, a sense of unease rests heavy on my chest. I instinctively get out of bed and head straight to Teddy's room, he's still fast asleep so I leave him be for a while longer while I jump into a cold shower to rinse the tension from my body.

Showered, dressed and halfway through making breakfast, Teddy strolls into the kitchen.

"Morning, Mommy," he yawns, pulling himself up onto a barstool.

"Morning, sweetheart," I call, spreading raspberry jelly onto a stack of toast before placing two pieces onto a plate and sliding them over to him as I eat one of my own and start making a packed lunch for him to take to kindergarten. "Do you have your bag ready for today baby boy?" I ask as I pour myself a coffee.

"Yes Mommy, all ready," Teddy replies, shoving the last half of his toast into his mouth and laughing at himself getting jelly over his face. I giggle to myself as I watch him try to chew with too much in his mouth then playfully scold him for being so greedy. "But it tastes so good," he groans through exaggerated chews.

"Well I'm sure it would taste better if you ate it properly," I chide, ruffling up his hair in a light-hearted way. "Make sure you wash your face before we leave, or you'll be going into class with jelly on your chin," I call over my shoulder as I make my way to my bedroom to pull out a jacket and some trainers to slip on to go to work in. I finish my coffee as Teddy gets himself dressed but I have to escort him back to the bathroom to make sure he scrubs his breakfast from his face before we're finally ready to leave. "Come on then mucky-pup, let’s get you to kindy," I smile as we leave the house and I help him buckle up.

"Mommy, when can we see Alesso again and your friends?" Teddy asks from the back seat.

I glance at him through the rearview mirror and smile. "Soon baby, I promise. Do you like my friends, Teddy?" I question, flicking my eyes between the road and his beaming face.

“Yes Mommy, they are so cool. Silas is huge like a superhero and Cole says he will take me to Auntie Kim’s for more pancakes whenever I want and Linc is so cool cause he’s Alesso’s dad and he helped get my plane from the tree. Do you remember?” he exclaims, all in one long breath with his arms and legs flailing excitedly from his car seat. I laugh at his reasoning behind each one and smile at him through the mirror.

“Well in that case then we’ll see them very soon and you and Alesso can have a sleepover, if that is okay with his dad too.” I tell him, and although I’m completely over the moon that he has accepted these three strangers so well, I can not help but think how heartbroken and confused he would be if things didn’t work out and I asked never to see them again; because if that truly is what I wanted, that’s what they said they would do. Leave and never bother us again.

“Mommy, where are we going?” Teddy calls, snapping me out of my heart broken daydream. I’d switched to auto pilot and almost driven past the kindergarten drop off point.

“Shit!” I blurt before I can stop myself.

“Oooooh you said a bad word,” Teddy jests from his seat. “That’s naughty.”

I feign a sorry look and shake my head tutting to myself. “I know baby, I’m sorry. Mommy shouldn’t have said that word. Don’t tell your teachers, OK?” I whisper, pulling into a free space.

“Okay Mom, I won’t but only if you call Alesso’s dad and ask for a sleepover.” I roll my eyes at the cheek of my own son trying to barter with me as I help him out of the car.

“You cheeky monkey. Get into class. I will ask Lincoln soon.” I say, kissing his forehead before he slips off with a massive grin on his face, waving behind him as he goes. I don’t move from my spot for a few moments and just simply stare after him, even long after he’s vanished from my view inside the building. I’m not sure what it is, maybe my nightmare is just unsettling me but a feeling deep down within my body has me surveying the street before getting back into my car and driving to work.

“Hey doll, you okay? You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now,” Kat asks as she studies me closely while we’re setting up our clinic area. This girl knows me too well.

“Is it that obvious?” I sigh, stacking a pile of bandages onto my desk.

Kat drops her hip and cocks her eyebrow, throwing all her sass my way. “Girl, you know I can read you like a damn book. What’s going on?” I shake my head and laugh, she’s right, absolutely right. Even if I think I’m hiding it well, Kat always knows when there is something on my mind. I furrow my brow unsure where to even begin.

“I don’t know, you know? I’m just so caught up in these guys all of a sudden. I’m having the most mind blowing sex of my life but my mind is still plagued with him.” I admit, perching myself onto a chair. I notice how Kats jaw tenses and her brows pull together before a veil of sympathy masks her face. I look away, not wanting her to feel sorry for me but continue anyway. “These three men want toshareme.” I hold my hands up before Kat can interject. “It’s crazy, I know, but I might be even crazier for agreeing to it. They’ve met Teddy, and he loves them. He even asked when we could see them again on the way to kindergarten this morning. That got me thinking maybe it was too soon, that I shouldn’t have introduced them. One man would be enough, but three?” I shake my head and absentmindedly begin to pick at my nails. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing Kat.”

The room is silent while we both process what I just confessed and although I know she would never judge me, I’m too nervous to look up to meet her eyes.

“Babe.” she whispers, kneeling in front of me and taking my hands in her own. “First of all, this is a lot for anybody to deal with and with your past you’re bound to have some reservations,” she squeezes my hand gently in a reassuring gesture and I finally look up to her face. Her smile is serene as she continues and her eyes hold nothing back. “You are the most courageous, selfless woman I know. You do everything for anybody when they ask and with what you have overcome, I am in awe of you. So who cares if you want to fuck three men at the same time?! Who fucking wouldn’t! Hell see if they’ve got any friends for me would you?!” I laugh at her bluntness and she smiles back at me. “There we go, there’s that smile. Girl you deserve to be happy. Teddy will be fine, he’s too young to know anything anyway at the moment. To him they’re just friends, it’s not like they’re asking him to call them Dad, and when they do, if they do, then you need to reassess the situation but until then girl I say just enjoy it.”

I bite my lip and cringe at her words before I’m unable to hold back my laughter any longer. “Fucking hell Katrina!” I choke, falling back into my chair, the laughter racking my body and bringing tears to my eyes.

“What!?” She shouts, her face letting me know she’s offended by my outburst.

“Have you ever considered being a shrink?” I gasp, holding my stomach as I try to regain my composure.

Kat grins immediately and pushes at my shoulder playfully. “Bitch!” she jests, joining me in fits of laughter.

After we’ve composed ourselves and wiped the tears from our eyes, Kat stands and places the rest of the bandages onto the desk along with some sterile scissors, saline and dressing tape. “Come on girl, pull yourself together, we’ve got a heavy list to get through. You can moan all you like about having three guys who want to fuck your brains out to me over lunch,” she says, winking at me.

“You’re an amazing friend, do you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve told me before. Now make me a coffee bitch or I’ll make your morning hell on earth cause I was in such a rush to get Bella to kindy this morning, I left my thermal at home,” she shrieks, waving me out the door and making a broken hearted sign with her hands. “Extra sugar for you coming right up then,” I chuckle, making my way to the staff coffee room to make us both a drink.

“Hey Lucille, there’s a guy asking for you out by reception.” A voice calls from the doorway as I’m pouring hot water into two mugs and my stomach does a sudden flip. I swallow dryly as I turn to see who the owner of the voice is.

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