Page 1 of Call Me Bunny

Chapter 1

Neil

It all starts with a friendly dare. “Go to the club with us, Neil.” “Tear yourself away from the computer and live a little.” “Who knows? You might even meet a hot chick there!” “It could be a life-changing experience!”

I have no idea how much one night at Club Viper might change my life, but I guess I’m about to find out.

Let me backtrack a little: I’m something of a gamer nerd. Okay, I’m ahugegamer nerd. Full-on. I made it my life—literally. Game design fascinated me so much that it became my chosen career. When I’m not working on games at my job? I’m playing them at home. I don’t really get out. Like, ever.

No real friends outside of work, unless you count online buddies. Even my so-called girlfriend is virtual. Bunnyluv69. I met her in-game; we play on the same server inBattlemages Unleashed. I’ve never seen a real-life picture of her. Just her avatar. But I’ve heard her voice, and she’s got thedirtiestmouth. We plan on meeting at some point, but she’s even more introverted than I am. She says she never gets out, not even for a grocery run. She has everything delivered. The pandemic was a dream come true for her.

Nobody I work with considers this a real relationship. They seem to think I should be putting myself out there, getting laid in real life—not just a little cybersex.

Cue the peer pressure. My coworkers, many of whom actually have lives outside of the gaming world, needled me until I gave in and agreed to a night out.

Before leaving, I log on to voice chat with Bunnyluv and tell her about the club, warning her that my work buddies might try to hook me up while I’m there. She’s surprisingly understanding, all things considered.

“It’s okay, baby. You go ahead and go. Live it up! No matter what happens, I’ll be here for you when you log back in.”

“Are you sure? I’d feel like I was cheating on you.”

Bunnyluv just giggles. “Neil, hon, if you don’t get yourself laid tonight, I’ll be disappointed. How else am I going to hear all the juicy details?”

It hurts my feelings a bit that Bunnyluv won’t give me her real name. I mean, I sort of get it; it’s more dangerous for a woman to reveal her true identity online. But still … she knows I’m Neil Harrington, thirty-something quasi-virgin geek with glasses. If I’m willing to give her those details and more about my real life, why won’t she return the favor?

Oh, the quasi-virgin part? Yeah … I kinda royally fucked up my first—and last—time at bat. I mean, there was penetration. I got a few strokes in. Then, well, the nerves took hold, and it all went to shit. Before I knew what was happening, she was picking her clothes up off the floor and booking it out of my studio apartment. I was left limp and lonely, and I never heard from the girl again. She blocked me on social media that same night, totally ghosted me.

Bunnyluv, despite her social anxiety, has either watched enough porn to put on a good show, or she’swaymore experienced than I am. That mouth of hers—good God! I swear I blush more with her than with anyone else. That woman can talk me into just about anything with that smooth yet husky voice of hers. It’s like liquid sex.

That’s how I ended up with a Prince Albert. Yep. The quasi-virgin has a dick ring. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would—I wasterrifiedof the pain—but Bunnyluv said she digs ‘em, so yeah, I went out and got one.

Turns out the P.A. has some benefits. Like, I didnotexpect to enjoy the urethral stimulation, but once I was fully healed and cleared by the piercer for, er, “extracurricular” activity, I tried it out when I was home alone … and I got hooked. If it feels that good when it’s just me, myself, and I, I can only imagine what it’s like with a woman. What it’ll be like with Bunnyluv.

It took some practice to figure out the toilet situation, though. Dear God, the messes I made at first! That was embarrassing. Thankfully I’ve got the hang of it now.

“Hey, when does your Uber get there?” Bunnyluv’s voice pulls me back to reality.

I glance at the clock in the corner of my screen. “I got about an hour. Plenty of time to chat a bit before I have to get ready.”

“Mm … I have an idea.”

Uh oh. Bunnyluv’s ideas usually fall on the raunchy side of life. If she’s thinking what I think she’s thinking …

“C’mon, Neil. Let’s play a bit before you go.”

I know what she means by “play.” That’s her code for cyber. “Bunny-honey, I’d love to, but I don’t know if we should. I’m nervous enough about tonight; getting me all worked up over voice chat might just make it worse once I’m out in the real world.”

“Please, Neil?” I can hear her pout in the plea. “Let Bunnyluv get you off one more time before you snag a real-life girlfriend and disappear forever.”

“You know that would never happen.”

“Which part: the disappearing, or the girlfriend?” she teases.

“Either.” I type out a code into the game’s chat box, and my avatar sticks his tongue out at Bunnyluv69. She retaliates with a shock emote, then her character starts to dance.

Bunnyluv’s gotta be a coder of some sort. Again, she doesn’t give me many details of her personal life, but I know for a fact thatBattlemages Unleasheddoesn’t have any dance emotes like hers. This has to be a Bunnyluv original. Even for a Mature-rated game, there aren’t any strip tease dances programmed in.

While her avatar gyrates and removes its gear piece by piece, Bunnyluv starts to murmur sweet nothings into her mic.

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