Page 34 of Bad Neighbors

“I mean, what if it was possible for each of us to date her?”

I looked at him and bemusement. “You’re not making sense, dude.”

Ezra merely smiled, the smile he did when he knew something that you didn’t. “Aren’t I?”

I continued scooping spiders. “No! You mean… She would be with Baron, and with you, and with me? That’s insane. Aside from the fact that it’s just not done, why would I want to see my girlfriend with other guys?”

“What if it was the only way you could have her? What if it’s what she wanted?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I can’t see a girl being interested in an arrangement like that, let alone any self-respecting guy. How could one girl possibly satisfy three guys?”

“Maybe not three typical, possessive, controlling guys,” Ezra said. “Guys who need a girl on their arm every time they go somewhere to eat or hang out. But we’re not like that. I am busy with my shit. You and Baron are busy with hockey. You barely have time for a hook up, let alone an actual girlfriend.”

“I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation.” Having located all the spiders I could, I left the room to grab a plastic bag to shove them in. As I was rooting around in the kitchen, I heard Baron’s door open and shut and looked up to see him standing beside me.

“You got your head out of your ass?” He asked as he leaned against the countertop.

I didn’t feel like answering his question. I didn’t answer to him, and I wasn’t going to get over the sight of Jude in his bed anytime soon. “You didn’t waste any time,” I said instead.

“What the fuck—”

“Hold up, wait a minute.” Ezra stepped in between us, and I saw that we had both subconsciously squared off against each other. “Baron. Maybe you can settle a debate for us.”

Baron leaned back against the counter and grunted.

Taking that as permission to proceed, Ezra said, “if the only way you could have Jude was to share her with your friends… Would you do it?”

Baron shot an uncomfortable look between me and Ezra. “What exactly do you mean, share?”

“I don’t mean you get an arm and I get a leg and he gets a boob, for godsake. I don’t even mean group sex. Not unless you’re into that kind of thing. I mean one night she hangs out with me, and the next night she’s all yours. Sometimes she’s with all of us. I mean we all have the right and privilege to hold her hand when it needs to be held, or have lunch with her, or—”

I wasn’t sure I liked the thoughtful expression on Baron’s face. “Oh. Well, sociologically speaking, it’s not unheard of. We’ve gone past the days of needing to do so, but at one time there were entire cultures dedicated to the worship of women. And there were definitely rulers who had harems—Catherine the Great, for instance, and Wu Zetian.”

“Who are you right now?” It was the most I’d heard him speak at one time in… ever.

Baron’s lips quirked and he turned his attention back to Ezra. “My answer is I don’t know. It’s something I’d have to think about.” He pointed at me. “You owe her an apology. Tomorrow, though… let her sleep.” He started to walk away, then paused. “And I assume all of this is purely theoretical, right?”

Ezra held his hands up. “Of course.”

“Right. Okay, night.”

With one last look at us, he disappeared back into his bedroom, free to lie down with Jude and listen to her breathing. I’d never been so jealous of anyone in my entire life.

Chapter 25: Casanova

Dear Casanova,

I had pretty much decided that I was going to stop being an asshole. There was this one thing left I needed to do, though, and so I did it.

Mistake. I fucked up, big-time.

I hurt this chick. I hurt her, and I scared her. I don’t know which is worse. I meant for it to be one last effort to get her gone, get the temptation that is her far away from me for once and for all. But it backfired.

Now she’s angry and upset, and my friends are angry and upset with me. I need to fix this. Any suggestions?

If it makes any difference, I’ve decided that you were right. I need to talk to my friend, the one who likes this same girl.

And I need to talk to her.

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