Page 102 of Icing Hearts

The formal ask to spend time together sends the butterflies in my stomach aflutter. All other quality time has happened as a byproduct of tutoring or me being hungry or hockey. But this is different. It makes me happier than it has a right to. My heart beats faster than it should, simply because Tory asked me to hang out.

But it’s overshadowed by a deep sense of foreboding. By some secret that’s causing the deep circles beneath his eyes.

Still, I smile and kick my feet a little against the carpet. “Of course.”

Chapter 63

Victory

Ice. It’s one of the few places my head feels clear these days. No family interference. No oppressive walls closing in. Only cold, hard facts. Like the ice. Everything makes sense on the ice. So I take her to the rink after a torturous week of hiding a truth I should have revealed long ago.

“Are we skating?” Clara asks.

We did our homework in the library after school. Then I took her to get dinner, not knowing if she has food at home. It’s the least I could do. Finally, I brought her here.

“Not today.”

I let out an intensely deep breath and inhale the cold air. Her nose pinks up. And when she looks in my eyes, I know she sees something is gravely wrong. She’s suspected something over the past week but now she knows for certain and it’s clear she’s terrified.

Tears flood my eyes. It takes every bit of strength I can muster to hold them back long enough to get through this. Still, my voice comes out pinched. “These last couple weeks have been great, feeling like friends again. But things are gonna change again, Clara.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Remember those secrets?”

She nods.

“I have to let them out. All of them. Too much has been hidden from you for far too long. And I know what’s going to happen when I do. But before I say this, I beg you to remember that I love you. Years from now, when you still hate me and you’re still angry and wishing me ill, please, somewhere in the back of your mind, know that I love you. I always have, Clara.”

Tears well in her eyes. Her lips part and she says, “I love—”

“Don’t you dare say it back. I’ll never be able to do this if I hear those words cross your lips.” I cuss low and grating. My teeth grind together with the effort to keep the words locked away.

All at once, everything I wanted to experience together rush through my mind. A highlight reel of what could have been instead of what was. The way my chest wrenches, it’s quite possible that I’m dying of a broken heart at this very moment. Maybe when you die young, you don’t see your actual life flash before your eyes, but the life you could have lived.

“Just say it.” Her brow furrows, and I adjust my hands.

“I guess it starts with our parents.” I sniff, nose constricting in the cold air. One steadying breath courses through me, and I focus my mind with determination. Just do it. “My dad isn’t in IT. He’s a hacker. The bad kind. I know you know about your dad’s gambling.”

She nods. “That’s…okay. Wait, what kind of bad hacker? Like, he steals people’s identities? That’s horrible.”

“Not quite. And he does far worse than steal people’s identities.”

Her gaze lowers, eyes darting side to side, then back up at me. “Is that why you could give me a phone?”

“Yes.”

“There’s more. There’s obviously more. This is weird. I mean, it’s bad, but not bad enough for you to be telling me like this. Are you part of it? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“No. Well, I’ve done…things. But that’s not what I’m telling you. Clara, are you aware that your father was in a lot of debt before your mom died?”

She swallows. Shakes her head no. Whether it’s in disbelief or acknowledging that she didn’t actually know, I’m not sure.

“My dad erased the chief’s debt. He hacked the system where the chief likes to gamble and just brought everything back down to zero. No one could prove it happened, obviously. Plus, places like that don’t really like a lot of attention from law enforcement. He erased any record that your father had ever lost a bet and not paid it.”

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