Page 9 of Mail Order Bride for the Scrooge

He needs me.

I’m going to keep him.

CHAPTER 4

GANNON

I keep my breathing slow and even as I hold Lake in my arms. The moment I woke up, everything flooded back to me, including the nightmare I was having. It wasn’t a new one, just one of the many that won’t let me be at peace.

I came up to the mountain for a lot of reasons, the atrocities I’ve seen and participated in being a major one. When I decided not to reenlist, I knew my experience was going to stay with me. There are counselors and support groups, but I resisted the help.

I knew not getting help was only going to hurt me. Maybe it’s why I refused. As punishment. As penance.

Why should I be able to rest easily at night? Why should I enjoy the life I have when men I stood shoulder to shoulder with won’t have the same opportunity? They left behind families and people who loved them.

I know I have Slade, but he has his own life, one which doesn’t involve me. I don’t want it to either. I’m not the guy I was when I was raising my brother. I’m not the guy I was when I joined up, thinking it was going to be a way to give him a better life.

I guess, in many ways, it did give him a better future.

I help to pay for his college and the rest is covered with football. I wanted him to have opportunities I never had and he’s making the most of them. Hell, now he even has a woman, Salem. He’s sharing her with Hollis. While I don’t necessarily understand it, I’m not even a little bit surprised.

They were always close, brothers in their hearts.

The men I grew close to like that, the ones I relied on to have my back, weren’t all lucky enough to live through our last deployment. It eats at me and their loss echoes through me almost constantly.

Except for last night while holding Lake in my arms.

I look down at the mess of blond hair obstructing my view of her. At some point we shifted during the night and her head is resting on my chest. Normally being touched makes me feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin. I was never a touchy-feely person, but after my time in the military, even the thought of someone hugging me was enough to send me into a spiral.

I don’t know if I have anything to offer this woman. And that pisses me off.

She deserves the world.

Fuck, she packed up her life because she planned to marry me. That takes fucking grit.

Lake’s eyes flutter open, and I’m caught in her brown depths. Her cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink, and she ducks her head slightly. As she looks up at me from underneath her eyelashes, I know I won’t be able to let go of this woman.

She came all this way for me. I don’t know what forces were at work or who decided they were done with me isolating myself, but they gave me a gift when they sent Lake my direction. A gift I need. A gift I’ll cherish.

“Morning,” her voice is a little rough with sleep, but it still washes over me in the sweetest way.

It’s almost enough to erase my embarrassment that she’s already seen into the darkest corners of me. I hate it, but I admire the fact that she didn’t cower away from me. She didn’t run away screaming.

She helped me and gave me something else to focus on other than my ghosts.

“Lake,” I murmur softly and watch as the worry in her beautiful eyes dissipates. “I’m sorry about last night.”

Her eyebrows pull together in the most adorable way. If she were standing up, she would probably have her hands on her hips. The mental image is almost enough to make me laugh.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Gannon,” she purrs my name and my dick throbs.

I was not aware I could be any harder than I already was, but there it is. My body wants her. My heart wants her. I’m just having an issue wrapping my head around how this little present is here with me right now.

But that doesn’t mean I’m giving her back.

Hell no.

Since she knows I didn’t put the ad up, is she going to want to leave? It didn’t seem like she did last night, but if I want her to stay then I’m going to have to convince her she belongs here with me. On this mountain. In this cabin.

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